z
  • Home

Young Writers Society



variations on a theme of sadness

by yosh


what color are your tears?

do you ever see them running down your face,

and you grab them, thinking ‘now everything makes sense,’

‘now i can prove that i’m sad’

or maybe that’s just me

.

some people’s tears are deep blue

they cry because they’re sad, and they’re sad because they cry

they’re honest with themselves,

isn’t that so wonderful?

but really, that’s just them

.

some people’s tears are fiery red

after a surge of emotion, the tears follow up in a storm

they cry when they’re angry, they cry when they’re sad

they cry because they hate the world

isn’t that so wonderful?

of course, that’s just them

.

some tears can be bright yellow

people cry when they’re happy, when they feel joy

maybe after a particularly emotional book

or an amazing accomplishment

isn’t that so wonderful?

shut up, that’s just them

.

some people’s tears are pitch black

they’re just like me, they lie to themselves

and try to make sense of their emotions with something concrete

and grab their tears to observe

and examine them just to prove that it’s real

that they’re actually sad

that i’m actually sad

am i actually sad?

don’t listen, it’s just me

.

what color are your tears?

do you ever look in the mirror while you cry

and observe them as they run down your face?

perhaps your tears are transparent

you don’t even know what color your tears are

so you read poems about their color

and stare apathetically at the ramblings of a liar

go away, it’s only you


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
7 Reviews

Points: 23
Reviews: 7

Donate
Fri Jun 30, 2023 1:22 am
View Likes
EliseEllie wrote a review...



I suck at writing poem but imma try anyway.


I really like how you compare the different situations you might cry. Happiness, anger, sadness, etc. I also really like the colors you gave tears and the detail you go to describe those colors and why those tears are those colors. The detail in your poem is great and overall i love it :

keep up the good work!

-Ellie : )




yosh says...


thank you for the review <333333



User avatar
7 Reviews

Points: 23
Reviews: 7

Donate
Fri Jun 30, 2023 1:20 am
EliseEllie says...






User avatar
1219 Reviews

Points: 146390
Reviews: 1219

Donate
Wed Jun 28, 2023 5:02 am
View Likes
alliyah wrote a review...



Just as there are many reasons / motivations a person may be laughing (embarassment, joy, suprise, irony etc) there's also many types of tears and your poem highlights that.

I like the different concrete associations that made, I think that the colors are a great metaphor because it's very physical and can be linked with many imagery associations - but I'd love for you to dig a bit deeper into the emotional aspect of all - as the poem's title is "variations on a theme of sadness" - I think it'd be great to dive a little deeper into what those different variations of sadness too!

For me the poem also leaned a little into excessive repetition in a few places - so watching for repeats of phrases or content is also something that could be investigated a bit further.

Enjoyed reading this, would love for it to dig in even more deeply! Keep on sharing your poetry ~

alliyah




yosh says...


thank u for the rev alliyah <33333



User avatar
100 Reviews

Points: 11192
Reviews: 100

Donate
Sat Jun 24, 2023 12:10 pm
View Likes
alpacaboss wrote a review...



Hello! Came to leave a short review.

I think it's interesting how you decided to focus on tears, a product people generally associate with sadness. I also like your title! It's like naming a series of pieces about the different kinds of tears.

You tackled how tears can be formed from sadness, anger, happiness, and most complex of them all, numbness. I find it interesting how each of the stanzas describing the color of the tears are similar to each other. There are only slight variations such as their last lines.

you don’t even know what color your tears are

so you read poems about their color

and stare apathetically at the ramblings of a liar

go away, it’s only you


I love this last part. You immediately address the reader confronting them, either wrongfully or rightly. You accuse the reader as having the same position as you, not knowing the color of your tears and being lost in their apathy. I could say well done!

Overall, this is a great piece and incredibly thought-provoking, too. It makes me wonder about the other different colors of tears. Would orange symbolize tears obtain from the flashing pain someone experiences? Would green symbolize tears out of desire, envy, and the like? It makes you think and that's what makes this poem so great. Keep it up!

This is alpacaboss, signing off.




yosh says...


tysm for the review!! <3 yes a continuation of this poem with more colors would be soo cool haha



alpacaboss says...


Hope you can make variations II on this poem HAHAHA
(no pressure though lol)



yosh says...


well, i guess ill wait for some more sudden inspiration hehe



User avatar
146 Reviews

Points: 14517
Reviews: 146

Donate
Sat Jun 24, 2023 4:37 am
View Likes
OrabellaAvenue wrote a review...



Hello! This is a random weirdo here to give you a short review.

I love this poem. I love it. Literally one of my favorites now. The structure grabs me, and I love the idea this poem presents. Just like the last verse, I can't say I know what my tears look like, and I am reading a poem about their color (that was very clever by the way).

some people’s tears are pitch black

they’re just like me, they lie to themselves

and try to make sense of their emotions with something concrete

and grab their tears to observe

and examine them just to prove that it’s real

that they’re actually sad

that i’m actually sad

am i actually sad?

don’t listen, it’s just me


This is my favorite verse, I think, and I can actually relate to a lot of what you said. Of course, the whole poem is very relatable and well written.

(Sorry this isn't that long) I loved this so much! I hope I can read more works by you in the future. Keep writing!

Image




yosh says...


tyyyy for the rev!!! <33333



User avatar
99 Reviews

Points: 1204
Reviews: 99

Donate
Fri Jun 23, 2023 11:13 pm
View Likes
GengarIsBestBoy wrote a review...



Howdy hey! Gengar here to write a review!

I interpret this poem as someone who is sad, but cries out of obligation; they feel like they need validation that they are actually sad, and this comes in the form of tears.

I liked the tone you used throughout; it felt very sarcastic and cynical, especially with the repeated line “that’s just them.” It really sells the speaker’s point.
I also like this part where it shifts from third to first person. It makes it feel like the speaker is breaking down and trying to convince themself that they are actually sad:

that they’re actually sad

that i’m actually sad

am i actually sad?


One criticism: i feel as if the line “shut up, that’s just them” feels a little out of place. It just feels kind of sudden to me.

Keep up the good work!

—GengarIsBestBoy




yosh says...


tyyyyyy for the rev gengar <333333



User avatar
101 Reviews

Points: 1137
Reviews: 101

Donate
Fri Jun 23, 2023 3:42 pm
View Likes
momonster wrote a review...



hey yosh! momo here with a review.

wow. just wow. this poem is amazing. i love how you don't try to be super metaphorical and mysterious, and instead use more casual language. i don't think i've ever read a poem that told me to shut up. this is such an amazing poem theme, and i think everyone can relate to it.

the only note i have is being consistent with capitalization. i noticed you sometimes capitalize the first word of every line, and sometimes you don't. i also saw that you really only use question marks in this poem, and not a lot of other punctuation, which i thought was a nice touch.

that's all! i love this poem so much, and it's one of my favorites that i've read on yws. fantastic job!

stay safe,
momo




yosh says...


i don't think i've ever read a poem that told me to shut up.


lol u probably don't see that every day

im glad u liked it

and yeah i think i'll go back and fix the caps

THANKS for the rev <33333




The secret of being tiresome is to tell everything.
— Voltaire