the beyblade spins with pure ferocity
swirling in place, no velocity
the vortex drags in your vision
and twirls with deadly precision
never stopping, never ending
your broken pieces, all heartrending
crushed by the twisting tops
it never ends, never stops
you're in control until you're not
your leaves are green until they rot
you can't expect the blade to see
it's just a whirling nobody
but you'll keep spinning, never slowing
to your own tune, always growing
because even if you've seen the worst
there's still a thing called Beyblade Burst
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139,207 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Wow! I clicked into this expecting to hear about beyblades, but I did not expect to be treated this well!
I really liked the fact that the only words that were capitalized were the words "Beyblade Burst." Paired with the line breaks, it made it seem like it was partially a run-on sentence and partially a grammatically correct paragraph at the same time - I didn't know that was possible.
Another thing I enjoyed was how rhythmic it was. I was almost tapping my foot along to the reading.
One thing I did notice though, was that you said "the vortex drags in your vision/ and twirls with deadly precision" and then later said "you can't expect the blade to see." this seemed a bit redundant to me, considering that in one stanza you complimented the Beyblade's vision, but then in a later stanza said that the Beyblade cannot see at all.
All in all though, a fantastic work! The fact that it was about one of my favorite childhood toys probably helps some
Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
This was a really great poem. It somehow both hit emotion and nostalgia for me, but like... in different places?? I really liked how you used the beyblade as a symbol/continued analogy almost. It was really fun to read. You also had some pretty raw lines in there, too, and it created this super interesting vibe that was so enjoyable to read.
One thing I liked about this was how it rhymed. It's pretty easy to fall into the trap of stretching to find rhymes, but yours flowed so naturally. I find that for me, it's hard to write rhymes without seeming a bit trivial, but yours were so natural and nice that they really helped elevate the poem rather than minimize it.
Specifics
I absolutely adored this stanza. Something about it just really resonates. That immediate change right when everything spirals out of control is such a unique feeling of panic, and it's so quick, too, and the way you've phrased this really brings out that emotion. I think the use of "until" there also is a nice touch.
Overall: nice work! This is a clever and deep poem, and it is such a great joy to read. Hope to read more of your poetry soon! Until next time!
Thanks for the review! <3
I'm really not the type of person who visualizes easily, but this poetry made me do so! (Or in other words, GREAT JOB!)
I loved the rhymes (can't make the quotation block so I'll type), for example, in the second stanza, "never stopping, never *ending* your broken pieces, all *heartrending*" as the whole poem rhymes.
I also enjoyed the fact that while it rhymed, it also told a story, or to be accurate, a view of someone describing a beyblade.
In conclusion, loved it, amazing. Regardless of grammar issues (which poetry often has), it's beautiful.
Thanks for the review! <3
You're welcome