eyes fluttering shut, heads bobbing up and down as we’re
hypnotized by the highway sounds, the soft whirring outside the windshield
putting us to slee—
RED
pulled over in the parking lot of Normandy Inn
we open the doors, jolted awake by the guttural screams of vehicles
indiscriminately tumbling down I-10 at a hundred miles per hour
agitating, screeching, roar—
YELLOW
so we close the doors and return to our seats
staring out the window and enjoying the scenery
dusklight bounces off beige brick walls,
seeping down into the cracked asphalt,
so this is the liminality we searched for
late nights skimming through roblox dreamcore horror
but i know i will forget half the letters in “Normandy” by tomorrow
so does that mean that beauty originates from impermanen—
GREEN
twenty minutes is long enough for a recharging pit stop
so we take the ramp onto the highway
staring wistfully out the window
as the signage passes by in an incoherent blur
at 100mph in the passenger seat
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128,598 Literary Works • 671,490 Reviews
Hello!
I really liked this, it really gives the highway vibes.
I also liked how you put text, then "RED" then text, then "YELLOW" then text, then "GREEN" then text - I like that it makes the colours of a streetlamp, and it structures your poem well. I didn't get a lot of the references, but it just gave a feeling of 'highway' - the title is also really well chosen. I also liked how you finished with "at 100mph in the passenger seat" because it gave a sort of... overview? of the whole poem, which was a good ending.
The only thing that made me not understand for half a second is how you said 'passenger seat' - for me, there's only one, which is the one next to the driver, so it didn't fit in my mind with your use of the pronoun 'we'. But maybe you meant the ones behind too, or you were only talking about yourself in the last line, I don't know. And anyways "at 100mph in the passenger seat" is a really good ending, and it wouldn't sound as nice with "at 100mph in the passenger seats" so I can't really think of something better to do, and it's already really good so maybe just keep it like this?
Anyways I overall really enjoyed your work, so thank you, keep it up and have a great day!
Afternoon! JMBM here with a mini review.
First impressions.
Cool format! On the first read, seeing that 'RED' interrupt the first stanza was hyper effective because it wasn't immediately obvious you were talking about a traffic light. It jolted me right out of the descriptive paragraph. So your structure is pretty effective.
What I liked.
How the second stanza goes more reflective, a run-on sentence with lots of 'so', contemplating whether you've actually 'arrived' in the metaphorical sense ('the liminality we searched for').
And you interrupted that in exactly the right place with that fun irony of the word impermanence being interrupted. And the wistful ending, travelling again, it feels almost weary.
What I liked less.
The title is a banger! But why did you include the same phrase in the poem? It was less effective in the actual poem. Also 'as the signage passes by in an incoherent blur/ at 100mph in the passenger seat' struck me as weird because it seems to say the signage is in the seat? Rephrasing that would help, unless you meant to be jarring!
Any closing thoughts.
My favourite paragraph is the one after YELLOW, but really all of this is cleverly written and effective.
Keep writing x
Hello there! Dropping in for a little review! Now I wasn't initially planning on reviewing this but there's something about this that picks at my brain (in the best way). As a disclaimer I will say that I'm not that great at poetry reviews, but I will endeavour to make this as helpful as I can.
The thing that hits me the most and very strongly is the way each para is cut off by the light, which gives this vibe of when you're driving and musing, lost in thought till the traffic light jerks you out of your reverie. It's something realistic, and relatable and really lends something to your poem.
Poetry born out of quiet moments of solitude in the bustle of daily life has its very own emotional flow and I feel it here. I also see some symbolism with the words and ideas preceding the lights and I don't know if that is intentional but I love it so much. The fact the words are cut off really seems to drive the point home.
This really hit home with me, as someone who always feels sleepy in cars. And of course, sleeping while you are driving is a really bad idea, and red is universally a sign of danger. Very much like the traffic is startling you awake and I find it very interesting that you start with the red light, one would think that a poem about a road trip would start with green but no.
It starts with you being sleepy, and a red light and this makes the poem so very realistic because as the reader I can easily imagine (and recall) waking up early to drive somewhere for a vacation.
I found this bit quite intriguing. You've already mentioned the red light, and typically red follows the yellow light as opposed to the yellow light coming after it. I think you could have very easily switched the two but I wonder if it was a conscious choice to ignore the typical chronology and go with this because the word "roaring" is cut off by the yellow light and what follows is you taking a "recharging pit stop".
Yellow typically signals that the red light is about to come and you should get ready, now I don't know about elsewhere but where I'm from it is quite blatantly ignored, I wonder if it is a commentary on that, cars hurtling down the road arent typically going to follow that directive now are they?
Now this I really liked, my brain latched onto it immediately, beauty in impermanence which means there's beauty in change and perhaps the green light is a green light for change? The car starts moving and the scenery outside is permanently changing, a road trip is all about change and so is a vacation, but, it's never permanent is it? But there is beauty in it after all.
I think as I'm reviewing I'm constantly poking around trying to look for what exactly is it you are trying to say, but I don't think there is anything to find here.The poem is like a slice of life, but somehow it really gets me thinking. This poem of yours that reads like wandering musings during a drive (interrupted by the traffic light) makes my brain wander into it and that is wonderful.
I really, really like it, especially because there are no "thoughts" as of such, there is no indication of what you are thinking (I mean, there is a line or two, but what I'm trying to get at is that you are not imposing any particular thoughts on the reader), it is more what you are doing which leaves everything completely to the reader's interpretation and imagination but it has this melancholic, nostalgic, wistful feeling that a late night drive is wont to have and I absolutely love it. It's a vibe that stays with you.
Another thing that is really lovely is how immersive it is, the imagery is spot on, and as I am reading I really can visualize everything vividly. And I know keep saying it but I want to get across very clearly that is has an emotional string that is very specific and really stays with you, and I don't really know how to explain it but it is amaizng.
In short, I really liked this! And I hope this review was at least a little helpful. Please remember everything I said was my personal opinion, take what you find helpful and leave the rest! Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or anything you want to clarify!
~ canopy
Wow. I almost feel like I'm in a car again going on a long road trip somewhere far away. I love the imagery here a lot. It really does bring to mind a tired late night on the road as someone else drives, listening to the cars and watching the scenery fly by. While I'm sure there's a deeper meaning that I'm not getting here, the way that the last word is always clipped is something that I feel could signify the transience and rapid movement away from the area or the word, I suppose. I'm at home right now and it's making me miss home anyway which is kind of funny. This is a genuinely nice poem! I wish you have a good day/night and a peaceful repose in the travels of life.