you see the sea-foam green .
softly stirring leaves .
but when you look .
you see the .
leaves are .
gone .
. you watch the mud-gold brown
. slowly pushing sticks
. but when you turn
. you see the
. sticks are
. gone
you glance around in fear .
they were there just then .
but now they're gone .
from your pond; .
can't be .
found .
. you sift through the water
. reach into the mud
. but they're nowhere
. in your sight;
. won't be
. found
you leap into the pond
you will find your friends
but then you join
them down the
water
fall
.
.
.
.
.
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139,264 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Cool
thanks!
Yoshikrab,
I like this poem! The stylistic choice of its format reminds me of a waterfall, flowing down until reaching the very bottom--and then going even farther down the connecting stream.
My only gripe is, at times, the grammar can be a bit confusing. For example,
I would've written mud gold-brown instead. This could cause readers confusion.
Overall, this poem is very well done! I enjoy how insightful it is while using seemingly miniscule details of nature (some that we take for granted, even).
LCP
Thanks for the review! <3
Hello. Here for a short review. After extreme laziness I came here to review something. I was feeling too sleepy. Then, I started reading your poetry after seeing it in the literary spotlight. Now, let's jump to the review.
I have a habit of interpretation of everything in my own language, especially of poetry. The same happened with yours. You described the flow in such a way- it was excellent.
“but when you look ”
I think you could add a back after look. It sounds better I think.
“you leap into the pond
you will find your friends
but then you join
them down the
water
fall ”
I genuinely liked this one. Although you were merely describing a waterfall, but I found one another meaning. People's life is somewhat like the waterfall. It is always bust and nothing stays for long there. When you come to the earth, this flow starts.
Whatever, it was a good read. Keep writing.
By the way, can you pls review Cortez Shivick(Chapter 2) and Cortez Shivick(Chapter 3)? If you need the link... You can tell me. Actually, I need some inspiration and suggestions before uploading the next parts.
thanks for the review!
It took me a few readthroughs until I understood the meaning, but that's not a bad thing! This poem makes you think and reflect. When someone can take an everyday object, event, or location, that is true talent.
This poem is chilling, once you think about it.
It's a wonderful read, amazing job!
I have no criticisms ^-^!
thanks for the review!
of course!