stringing together unintelligible thoughts
from the maelstrom of one's mind
putting together puzzling pieces
and sometimes leaving things behind
.
pulling ideas out of one's pocket
nostalgically reminiscing things said
forgetting the lines between the living,
reality, fantasy, and the dead
.
mixing aspects from things you've read
and things you've thought of on your own
trying to find the perfect cloth
of strings of words that you've sewn
.
the jumble of thoughts and words that are
within the hurricane of your mind
but you never finish, you're stuck
you just leave everything behind
.
don't ever try to write poetry
you'll shatter from the insanity
of the tornado that crushes you
from your writing, your endless vanity
.
your dreaming will not lead to anything
but endless loopholes and tears
you'll go insane from the inability
to stop the the words that puncture your ears
.
your attempt to touch the heavens
with your poetry and art
it will lead to nothing
but it'll drive your mind apart
.
don't ever write poetry
you'll just be pained inside
you'll never find what you're searching for
your optimism will have died
.
don't ever write poetry
just don't ever try
because poetry is the ultimate way
to show you that you'll never fly
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
I don't really have a review, but I like this poem. It conveys its message well and does so with rhymes on alternate lines. Clearly you know what you're doing.
Wow! This poem is so thought- provoking.
Hey there! Anne for a review.
Well, first of all, this poem really deserves the literary spotlight. Congratulations and kudos to you for expressing your feelings i such an explicit way.
So let's start with the review.
The first three stanzas have got to be my most favorite part of the poem. I also like the way, you've structured the poem. Going o from the difficulties of writing a poem-the part where you might want to give up and then finally, the warning. Talking about the first three stanzas- they are so relatable whenever you are sitting to write a poem
Yes, it definitely is a part of writing a poem. Trying to find the right words, the right rhyme - the right everything. And it is expressed so beautifully.
After this though, the poem went on a little sadder note than what I expected.
This stanza is creatively sad though. Reading this makes me think of poetry as some addiction- which it is for some poets, maybe. Feels like you'll lose all your control when you start writing. And that feels adventurous. You know, when you're forbidden to do anything, you just want to do it more. And since I dont think I've 'gone insane from the inability to stop the words that puncture my ears' ( not exactly gone insane, anyway- I like it when words are all over my ears.) so it feels like something fun to do. BUt anyway, I'm probably not even making sense now.
Returning to the poetry...The ending was so... indescribable. I'm just curious- what makes you think that poetry shows you you can never fly. With all due respect for your opinions, we do differ here. So tell me if you want to what gave you that thought.
But overall, You've done a great job. This piece is ineffable. I really enjoyed reading this.
Keep writing cause you're good at it. And please don't 'don't write poetry'. Cause if you do, this site will miss great works.
Ah, I think Mailice explains this perfectly.
AWWW THANK UUUUUUUUU UR AWESOME <33333
I don't really have a review, but I like this poem. It conveys its message well and does so with rhymes on alternate lines. Clearly you know what you're doing.
Thank you for the comment! I appreciate all reviews and comments alike! ^_^
No problem. Have a great day.
Heya, It's Rubes here with a little review for ya!
1st of all, I love the fluidity of the entire piece, it has a soothing yet abrupt feel about it - it is hard to explain the emotions that come across.
The message you displayed was very clear throughout the poem, it was always there and never at one point did I forget it. Which was a great effect to have. You never ranted on or bored the reader...it was a short and snappy poem ; it worked amazingly.
Not much critic at all really. I liked the opening line of each stanza ("don't ever write poetry") and I think it would have been great to have that starting each section. Just an idea, I generally loved your clear theme and explanations within the poem: it was obviously very thought out!
Stay safe and keep writing,
Love Rubes x
Thankie for da review
Hi Yoshikrab,
Mailice here with a short review!
You've written a very expressive poem that when taken apart comes to the sad portrayal of life, and how one tries to pretend to be different than one actually is through words and actions. Poems are the real life portrayals of a person.
I had to gather my thoughts at some points, and read over it again, as there were so many ideas inserted that I was speechless at the end. I would roughly say that poems are the voice of the subconscious, of the unknown, which sits deep inside us and describes the desires and urges. I think you proved that a lot with your first paragraph, expressing how opaque poetry is in contrast to other literary styles.
I think you've expressed very well how one can get lost in memories, and thus no longer participate in life, but also get lost between all the different media that life has to offer.
I love your metaphors! They are unique, mixed with many different areas. It's wonderful because I think that helps bring in as many readers as possible because everyone gets something out of it. Here I really liked how you combine poetry with clothes, which I think can also have a deeper meaning, how we wear masks and don't show our true selves to make ourselves look better (or hide.)
Here you've used the same motif within two paragraphs and I think that's the only time I have anything to criticise. It reads a little repetitive. I would actually come and suggest using a synonym, but that wouldn't work here
I like how you come to the conclusion, and you try in a special way to dissuade the reader from not starting to write poetry, because it leads to loss of mind. It actually gives you the incentive to write one yourself. I think it works very well and just the repetition here makes you think that it's an attempt by the writer to get out of the mess he fell into when he started writing poetry.
Also, I think the ending brings a little bit of that feeling that when you write a poem you lose hope. You try to build a fantasy world, to make it all beautiful, but really it's just a house of cards that you've built up.
Your unique way of making your poems tangible and vivid is fantastic. They are a kind of signature of yours where I also compliment you on your ability to make it rhyme often.
I thought this poem was pretty beautiful. It had this urge to express itself. It was a warning, and yet a declaration of love filled with passion. It turned out fabulous!
Mailice.
thank you SO MUCH for the review! you are SO NICE <3