don't try to stop me
i'm already gone
don't try to stay with me
i'm already done
don't try to say that you really did love me
you've already won
don't say that you never intended to break my heart
it already set with the sun
don't say that you ever loved me
we both know it's just a pun
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,738 Reviews
Hey, Zekcede here!
First of all, your poem made me cry tears. Like I am not kidding, I was just sitting at my desk minding my own business, reading poetry on YWS, and came across this, read it, and cried. I'm really glad you labeled this "Art" because that is exactly what it is.
Second, I really like how the rhyme scheme was written "abababcbab" is really interesting, and i would never have thought to do something like that, but i really love how yours turned out.
Third, I really love the repetition in each stanza. The "don't" appearing in every other line makes it even more emotional, because that's exactly how i imagine someone saying this to a(n) (ex)partner.
My favourite line is actually different from the other two reviewers, its actually the first two stanzas, because of all the emotion put into them.
"don't try to stop me
i'm already gone
don't try to stay with me
i'm already done"
These lines are really impactful, and i think that this was amazing. Keep up the good work!
-Z
Thank you for the review!
I love the formatting of your poem since it urges the audience to carry on reading. I also loved the repetition of 'don't' because it gives the impression that the poet is dismissing somebody away or trying to explain how they feel and the insecurity within the character.
This is also my favourite line like a previous reviewer said because I could feel the melancholy of the author and how they had always owned a broken heart and it dies away just like the sun does when it turns night- I thought it was very poetic and symbolises how grief had broken the author.
I think that although the formatting did urge me to read on, perhaps you could maybe make it more abstract or controversial, or perhaps make it spell something out in the end. Since it is done in a very simplistic way, I think that lining it up differently or somehow making the verses intertwine would make it a lot more engaging to the reader or perhaps would express the words written to a greater extent. However, I still thoroughly enjoyed this poem and the way that each last word of the verse rhymed with the previous last word of the verse.
Great job and keep writing!
a short poem but I can tell it's saying a lot
great work
sad, but still great
Wow! This is really good. I like how it's short, but deep. In just two lines, you convey a lot of thoughts through each stanza.
I think this is probably my favorite part:
On the whole, it was a great poem. Can't wait to read more of your work.
Keep writing.