letter 1

you told me i caught your eye from the moment you first saw me
i guess since you fell first, i fell harder, so hard that i fell to the ground

when i look up from the floor, i only see you, so far away
unattainable, unreachable; a glass door lies

between us; i can see you, but every word you say is
muffled, so i fill in the blanks myself

i’m terrible at fill-in-the-blank tests,
especially ones without a word bank

of course, testers have to be quiet, so when you look at me,
my mouth, always so talkative, can’t think of anything to say

if we could start over,
i’d tell that boy to pay attention in class

but that boy was too busy enjoying a life so simple,
with bags empty and journals unwritten, and

now, my bag is so heavy that i can’t even offer
to hold your bag for you

but maybe that’s my own fear talking, because i’m scared
that i’ll mess things up more than i already have

because my apologies feel so empty
because they’ve been said too many times to have meaning

because because because because
and now i’m making excuses again that i know you’re tired of hearing

so i guess i’ll write another poem,
another one of the thousands i’ve written

but there isn’t any paper left
so all i can do is commit it to memory,

and leave it as words unspoken.