You know they are faking you,
You know they are taking you,
You know they are making you,
You know they've forsaken you,
Frozen like the bitter wind,
Stolen like a treasured tin,
Falling like an angel's sin,
Mortified from a killers fin,
Wake up, rise, you fallen soul,
You are never in control,
Don't submit to the delirium,
Or you'll be drifting through oblivion.
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139,264 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
This poem is great!!!
Dark, Mysterious, Beautiful...
it conveys a sense of panic, as one might feel falling into icy waters shark infested waters, the depth of anxiety... Such as a drug addict might feel before he takes the plunge.
Is it a call to action, a plea not to submit to THAT sweet oblivion?
I want to tell you it's incomplete, that you could expand on this, but then you might reveal to much, and ruin the poem? :/
Thanks for the review!
I really, really liked this piece. It gives the piece a sense of anxiety, which can be like oblivion at times. Or possibly, could it be about the 'fake' people that can make you and break you as well? I'm really not sure. I love the open endedness of this piece; or maybe I'm not deciphering this correctly?
I still liked it nonetheless.
Cheers!
-MintyLeaf
Thank you!
This can be deciphered many ways, btw
Hey there,
Amazing job on the poem! Your writing was great, the poem had a perfect rhythm and flow. I loved how you used rhyming words like "faking, taking, making, forsaken," in the very beginning. I love reading poems that rhyme, but sometimes it's hard to find that, not that there anything wrong with not have a rhyming poem. I see no graphical errors throughout your poem. I Really how at the end you finished it by using the name of your title "Oblivion." I feel like you should continue you this poem and see where it takes you.
Overall my favorite part was the ending, where you finish it perfectly.
"Wake up, rise, you fallen soul, You are never in control, Don't submit to the delirium, Or you'll be drifting through oblivion."
Great job on the poem,
Can't wait to read what you write next!
Carpe diem,
LUNARGIRL
Thank you for the review!
Hey there!
I am here for a review!
First off. Excelent work. The poem has a rhythm, a tone and most importantly, for a dramatic poem, it has mood. And you kept the mood. Very well done!
It's hard to find anything wrong here, I'll just tell you the things that I liked.
Rhymes -
Alot of poems I read dont have rhymes. Not like there's anything wrong with that. It's just that rhymes keep the rhythm and rhythm keeps the reader/listener.
The mood (again) -
Yes the tone and the atmosphere make the poem ten times better than a poem about a seashell [No, I do not have anything against seashells]
I'd rate this quite high if I were to rate it at all. Be seeing you!
-BurnblazeX
Thank you for the review!
Hola!
Here to conquer your words and polish your thoughts!
I am here to review your poem. First and above all, I love how you wrote this poem with all the rhythm making the flow of the poem smooth and easy to read! It is a beautiful poem, well-expressing what the writer is trying to tell the readers.
Second of all, I would suggest you continue this poem. It has a good rhythm in it and it's quite written but it's kind of short and I think you could add more things to the poem to talk about how it feels since you described how it is more.
Belated welcome!
Hope you have a great day!
~Chris
Thank you!