Water shines on the sun as it glimmers in the light,
Wrestlers on their yoga mats whilst Buddhists start to fight.
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Elephants scuttle under huge herds of ants,
Hats on their feet and on the heads wearing pants.
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Businessmen on tightropes as clowns type away,
Everyone's up at night but fast asleep in the day.
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People laugh at funerals but crying is for the wedding,
The cleaner's at the spa whilst the owner does the bedding.
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My 4 year old daughter is teaching me to write,
As I turn on the lamps to dim down the light.
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But wouldn't it be funny if this world was upside down,
If happy people laughed all day and the sad just wore a frown.
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139,220 Literary Works • 672,514 Reviews
Very short review you will get from me now because I basicly do not have many things to tell you (complain i mean) so this won't be any long.
I like tittle even if it confused me at first.It caught my eye even if i was kind of unsecure will that worth the read but this a question I usually (most of the time) ask myself because I am really picky about poems/poetries but this one is worth it, I could say and you did your job very well.
I have to admit that some lines did not make any sense for me and felt not right and connected at all but I think the other reviewers had already told you that so I won't be the person to repeat this all over again after you know it already.This is poetic and in the style I like.
You have rhymed it all good and it did not feel forced at all (atleast in my opinion?)
That is all I could say.Maybe you should reread it and see if you will correct something but overall, good job and keep on writing.
I think people who write poetry/poems and go with the rhyme smoothly are brilliant.
Hi!
WARNING: I'M NOT AS GOOD AS YOUR PREVIOUS REVIEWERS SO THIS IS PROBABLY GONNA SUCK!
First your theme is super awesome. Realky it would be damn fun to live in a world like that, where everything was upside-down!
You have got an awesome flow but a couple of lines did'nt make sense to me like...
"If happy people laughed all day and the sad just wore a frown." Whats up-side down in this, happy people always laugh and sad people always were a frown....
I guess thats all i've got for you...
Never quit writing
Fangirl~
Hey! Just a quick review!
I really liked this poem and I just really loved the idea. The rhyming was great and didn't feel forced at all. The last line of the poem was really deep and hit me hard because it's so true. Really poetic and just great!
My only thing that I felt you could improve was the way you formatted the poem. Look at this lovely article and it tells you how to format your poem: How to Format Poetry Even though you don't have to make your poem look like this. I would recommend it because it makes your work look neater.
Here is the basic steps:
1) go to edit your poem
2) click the button that looks like <p> (I think it looks something like that)
3) paste
- Code
at the end of each line and where you want the gap to be.<br/>Example: (a random weird horrible poem I wrote xD was used as the example)
I like cats <br/>
I really, really do <br/>
Do you like cats too? <br/>
<br/>
I like dogs <br/>
I really, really do <br/>
Do you like dogs too? <br/>
I hope I helped, though I bet Rydia's review was a lot better xD,
Alice ♥
Hi there, nice to meet you. This poem is very fun and I could definitely see it in a book of children's poems or even on the wall at a library with some goofy illustrations- very nice. There are a few lines which could be polished so let's take a closer look:
1.
I think your opening examples are some of the most vague and that makes it a week starting point. I think these lines are original and great but starting with the more obvious elephants or the businessmen on tightropes would ease your readers in more gently. I'm also not sure about that second line, it may flow a little better as 'Wrestlers on their yoga mats and the Buddhists always fight'.
2.
I'm not sure that crying at a wedding is upside down - I certainly don't think I've got through many without at least a few tears! Perhaps instead it should be 'People laugh at funerals but black clothes for the wedding'. I'm also not sure on the second line as I always do my own bedding and not many people have cleaners and even those who do, bedding is often not covered. If you're struggling for another word that rhymes maybe you could have something about sledding? Like 'Beach trips in the winter whilst in the Summer sledding'.
Overall
I love the ending and anything I've not commented on is pretty much spot on - thanks for making me smile!
All the best,
~Heather