Young Writers Society

Wow, you have to admit that this really makes even the wisest person think!

The rhyme scheme is really on point and I applaud you greatly for it!

The message in this is great too and I love how it was conveyed all in questions. It makes it seem like we can't take our time to answer one because the next one is being asked.

Overall, it was awesome and sincerely hope to see more of your work in the near future.

Hello, steampowered here with a review! This is going to be a short review, considering how short this poem is, but I’ll do my best to be constructive.

So like a previous reviewer said, the commas don’t really make any sense. I’m aware you want to imply a pause in the song but you might want to consider simply putting the clauses on separate lines. For example:

Is one smile, worth a thousand tears?
Is one day, worth a thousand years?

Is one smile
worth a thousand tears?
Is one day
worth a thousand years?

Hello there! Luata here for a review! I am in school, so I apologize if I begin to ramble, plenty of distractions surrounded by other *whispers* irritating students. Anyway, unlike SereneSimpliciT I can see why you filed this particular piece under lyrical. It has the essence, but also like SereneSimpliciT, if you want to turn it into a song, I would suggest adding more meat, persay, and perhaps a chorus?

Continuing onward, the simplistic beauty of the poem can be appreciated and don't get down about people nitpicking on the way you space your poetry. I do the same thing and felt really bad about it for a long time, but really, it's however you prefer to space it. What makes sense to you, ya know? Because you aren't writing for them, you're writing for yourself. So yeah, just a word of encouragement to that aspect.

Also, verse two, apart and hearts does not rhyme, so it kind of breaks up the overall smooth rhyme flow type...thing.... there is a word for it, but I can't think of it at that moment, but yeah. I would change that rhyme.

Other than that, nice job!
~Luata

Why are there comas?
Like seriously, those make no grammatical or rhythmical sense at all.
If you're trying to separate, just move it down to the next line. No one said that a lyrical line had to be a certain length.
Also, this is really short. I'm guessing this is incomplete, or a work in the works at least, because this really doesn't feel finished at all. A normal song is twenty to twenty three stanzas.
You only have four, not to mention they're really short.
Now what you have isn't actually bad at all. I like the way you worded this, it's visually really interesting . . . other than that there really isn't much else to say about this.
If you're actually trying to turn this into a song, I'd highly suggest adding more and give it a lot more meat. You have the start to a very nice piece here, just work around the skeleton you've built so far and I think this could be great.

Thanks for sharing!
~Maddie