Young Writers Society

hi, this is Kman134 with a review for your poem.

At first, i didn't get what you were implying on this poem, but after reading it a second time, i know get what you were writing. the first part was a bit bland and simple, then got better later on; i liked how you used each letter of the word "Scared" with various emotions and symbolisms that reference it.

anyways, i hope you keep up the good work.

Hey, yo, ticktock123! Strange here on this fantastic day and I have a review for you!

I personally wasn't a big fan of this for a few reasons. I may as well second dropout by saying it was generic to a point. Please don't get mad at me and say that that isn't helpful because I am indeed trying. I never was a fan of this poetry style either, the whole "a letter means something" because it completely limits the potential of the poem. See, you set rules for yourself to comply in and it makes it 100% harder. To make it easier, possibly, is doing something different but keeping the same idea. Let's jump in, shall we?

S for being Sure it's always under my bed,

C for the Cries I hear in my head,

R for the Really dark room I sleep in at night,

E for the escape that I've planned out,

Hello, ticktock! A cute little poem you have here.

So, as always, the qualities of art are in the eyes of the beholder. This is the manner in which I beheld your poem.

At some point we've all been scared. And no matter what we are afraid of, we always fear that it will enshroud us when we are at our safest. I am uncertain whether it is intentional or not, but the simple way in which it is written reminds of a child, and the younger the person is, the less time they had to conquer their fears, thus making this poem somewhat relatable.

You have so few words, it is a shame to use "night" twice in two consecutive verses. If you refrain from using many words, you should utilize your potential and use as wide a vocabulary as you are able.

I really like the part about the escape, for we all have at least one flight path planned just in case our fears come true.

Hope this review helps. Keep up the awesome work!

This, like most other poems, didn't quite impress me due to how lame and generic it felt. Now, I'm not calling you lame, you still have a lot of potential, I just didn't like how you did this. This is talking about fear, but in the most bland way possible, and being extremely bland is nowhere near good. First of all, anxiety doesn't even exist so the A in this is false. It seems like a really young kid wrote this and I'm sorry but I couldn't exactly respect this as much as I wanted to. I felt indifferent on it. Maybe try to make the language more mature?

thanks.

Heyo TickTockClock-a-lot ( first thing in my head )
It's Mergulicious MergSword with a review

I remember when I was a young little kid, I was so easily scared by well, everything. I never had any fears relating to darkness and sleeping, which was odd.
S for being Sure it's always under my bed: Yay, welcome nightmares. Although, I never understood why child's thought it could be under the bed, maybe a closet or something.

A for the Anxiousness that comes back every night,
Basically what @IronSpatk said. It should really be anxiety.

E for the escape that I've planned out,

D for the dagger I'd use with no doubt,

These two don't have the corresponding words capitalized. I think you had very good creativity with the E, and the D, although I like this and I know you never said this was a kids P.O.V I can't even imagine a kid with a dagger until they're like,9.

Hey there, ticktock! IronSpark here to talk a bit about this awesome poem of yours. It's been a while since I've seen--much less reviewed--an acrostic on here, so this'll be interesting! But first, before we talk about the specifics of the poem, I think we should do a bit of talking about general content of the piece, right? It makes sense for such a short (but sweet) piece like this one.

I'm going to be harsh and honest here: I've never seen an acrostic I've liked. Or, to be more specific, I've never seen an acrostic that communicated its message well. But I feel like you've got something here! The kind of voice I associate with an acrostic poem--young, soft, innocent--along with the intense content of the acrostic is eerie and evocative of something more. But I feel like the word you created, "SCARED", isn't the best choice here. Yes, you're scared, but /why/ are you scared? Maybe try something like "ALONE" or "HIDING" or "ANGRY" or something else even more complex. You can be consistent with the theme of your poem and change the way you present that theme. Anyway, just something to think about while we do the specific-analysis bit of the review. Let's dive right in.

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Quick nitpick/tip: "anxiousness"? I think you mean "anxiety".

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So, first of all, I'm giving you complete creative freedom. But think about grammatical consistency when you write. From S to R, you capitalize the first letter of the word that corresponds with the acrostic--that is, "Sure" for "S", "Cries" for "C", et cetera. But you don't do that for E or D, which threw me off a bit as a reader. Grammar in poetry doesn't always have to be traditional, but in a poem like this--acrostic--it should be fairly consistent. Just a tip.

Finally, when you're writing a poem like this, you should use the most expressive words possible. For instance, "Sure" is not the most evocative word you could use in the first line. If you don't have an idea, talk to a friend, family member, or a YWSer! We're happy to help.

DFTBA.
IronSpark

Hi ticktock123! RagingLive here to review your poem!!

First of all, I found your poem very intense and attention-grabbing. I do have a few little things I'd like to point out, and who knows, maybe they'll make your poem sound even more awesome.

A for the Anxiousness that comes back every night,

E for the escape that I've planned out,

D for the dagger I'd use with no doubt,

An acronym. Wow, that's different. I haven't read one on this site yet. I have to say I'm always so impressed when someone uses a rhyme scheme in, their poem because I couldn't do it to save my life.
I think the first 2 lines are pretty strong and they creates a really dark mood, which is pretty effective in setting the tone for the rest of your poem. The third line, its the longest line in your poem and I think it threw off the flow a little. That may be due to the use of the word "Anxiousness," so I'd suggest replacing it with something that fits the flow better. Also, I didn't love the rhyming night with night thing in the middle of the poem.
And again, I love the last 2 lines. The only thing I would maybe do is remove "that" from the second to last line. Other than that, I thought that ending fit nicely. Really dramatic. Nice poem.
P.S I also write poetry so I'd love it if you read some of my work and told me what you think; would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.