Define Life

Define life, I asked my mum
Why- family, responsibility and stability she answered without delay.

Define life, I asked myself
Why- read books and do fun and make your loved ones laugh!

We're too different. My mum and me.

Great poem by the way!

Great poem! I really liked the repetition of the phrase, "Define life" and how the opposites reacted the same way to the question. Though there are many works about the meaning of life and what your purpose is, I think this wasn't too cliche or anything. Everything flowed very well together, because each stanza had the same exact format, but when it stayed that way for the whole poem, everything seemed a bit flat. Sometimes, the poem really gets interesting and exciting when the author changes the last few lines into something different than the rest of the poem, but still keeping the same theme. It makes the ending stronger and more satisfying that way.

Also, I think you could have stressed the characters differences some more by adding more descriptive words into it. I can't really see the rich man/beggar, lover/loner, etc. comparisons here.

Other than that, I thought your poem was perfect. I can't wait to read more of your poems!

Hello Tock ("Tick" just didn't sound as good)~

This is interesting. While you portray your ideas in a simple and very straightforward way, the complexities behind them make you think. I really applaud you on that, because in my opinion, one of the attributes of a good writer is to engage their reader deeper into the topic they're writing about. Connections. It's all about making and inspiring those connections.

Anyway, I think the repetition you incorporated does enhance your central theme—at first. After a while, it just became bland for me. Like gum that you chew for too long. You just kept chewing, and chewing the same words until they were tasteless. There was no punch of flavor at the end. It just kind of faded to nothing, which bordered on underwhelming. The only thing you really changed throughout the entirety of the poem is how the people responded to the demand of "define life".

Don't get me wrong; I think you have a solid idea here. The different perspectives of the different types of people correctly represent the alternate truths of life. I just finished reading this story: How to Tell a True War Story by Tim O'Brien. It contains the idea that what may be true to somebody isn't true to somebody else. There are some stories that happened, but aren't true, while there are some stories that didn't actually happen, but are the truest thing you've ever heard in your life. The story kind of develops on these thoughts, except understandably delves deeper into the subject than you did, since O'Brien wrote a short story, and you wrote a poem. Part of poetry is being able to express your ideas with minute detail and figurative language that suggests bigger ideas, you know? And I think you did achieve that here. Just not to its fullest potential.

To me, something that would bring me further into your poem is some kind of contrast. Something colorful, whether it's imagery or specific detail, just something that stands out. Something that would really emphasize the fact that a word or definition can mean entirely different things to different people. Something at the end that leaves a punch of flavor, and breaks out of the mold.

Anyway, I thought this was a valiant effort! I hope to see more from you in the future!

Best wishes
Savvy

I absolutely loved this poem. It's true, to different people life can be defined very differently, and yet behind all these reasons, we may never truly know what life means. I especially enjoyed how you made each stanza focus on a different type of person and what their answer would be. And then ending the poem by asking yourself, was genius. Overall: you have very strong poetic skills, in my opinion! The only thing that caught my eyes was in the second line in the last stanza you said "realer", and I think you meant "really"? Anyway, I look forward to reading more of your work!

Loved it. It puts a good message out there but 1 thing.

Where it says
"Define life, I asked myself,
What does it realer mean?"

Umm is it suppose to say really? Because I don't understand the word realer or how it goes with it. Can you please explain it to me or if it was suppose to say really, fix it.