Once upon a time, a long long time ago.
Lived a little girl, who's name was Mary-Joe.
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Surrounded by the forest, her little cottage stood,
She lived all by herself, in the clearing of a wood.
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Mushrooms and wild berries, she ate every day,
But for her horse "Maple," she usually fed her hay.
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Mary-Joe was good and happy, perfectly content,
Until one day it changed, and all the goodness went.
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They came with yellow monsters, thundering along,
Drowning out the sound of her little bluebird's song.
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They flattened down each tree, one by one by one,
Until they came to Mary-Joe, whom they shot down with a gun.
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Once upon a time, a long long time ago,
Lived a little girl, who's name was Mary-Joe.
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She lived all by herself, in peace and joy for years,
But now there's just a building, with a sign saying: "Free beers"
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140,210 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hi
I'm here to review!
Omg this is just truly beautiful and so sad!The reality in this is so sticking it really shows the world we live in today, how we humans come and destroy everything.
The format is brilliant it lets the ideas flows and give a somewhat time line to the the story. The fact all the lines end with rhymes is amazing since its really hard to find suitable rhyming words.
The ending is epic the 'free beers' part really reflect how selfish we are.
Great poem with a powerful message. Congrats!
~RS
Thank you!!!! I'm so happy you liked it and that you liked the ending!!! Thank you so so much!
TT
SAVE MOTHER NATURE.
I am in complete awe that you wrote this in a way that only read in children's books. You have officially made my week with this piece.
I seriously have to applaud you for the fact that you covered something that is so important within our world but is being completely ignored.
The flow and tone in this piece is amazing and I think it is great that it was constant. I see no grammatical errors so you're good there.
Your rhyme scheme is on point. Awesome.
Overall, this was a great piece and I hope to see more work from you in the future.
THANK YOU!!!!! I really appreciate the feedback, and I wanted it to have this affect - to narrate it in a "fairytale" kind of way and then show the brutally of our society today with the eding - i'm glad it came across. Thank you!!!
TT
SAVE MOTHER NATURE.
I am in complete awe that you wrote this in a way that only read in children's books. You have officially made my week with this piece.
I seriously have to applaud you for the fact that you covered something that is so important within our world but is being completely ignored.
The flow and tone in this piece is amazing and I think it is great that it was constant. I see no grammatical errors so you're good there.
Your rhyme scheme is on point. Awesome.
Overall, this was a great piece and I hope to see more work from you in the future.