Last to arrive? Just fashionably late.
Piles of pizza, but no food on your plate.
-
A smile or two, one laugh - no more.
Flirt too much and you'll look like a whore.
-
Fish out your phone, smile and pose.
Tilt your head right; hide the spot on your nose.
-
Trip to the loo, five girls in the queue
Itching to replace, the stuff on their face,
Or relation their skin, and contour their chin;
But it's your turn now, so you lock yourself in.
-
The mirror is big, the lighting is bright.
The toilet seat open, familiarly white.
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You gag and your retch, until its all gone,
Then you exit the bathroom - a smile plastered on.
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Make your way over to a friend you've just seen.
Smile and laugh - you know the routine.
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Big girls don't cry, their lashes stay dry,
And mascara's not cheap, so the pain that you keep
Stays hidden away, whilst you giggle and say:
"Scarlett's a slut, yeah one day she'll pay"
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You laugh at a girl who's fatter than you,
Tears down her cheek and only one shoe.
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You're better than her because you know the rule;
Which applies at home, outside and at school.
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Your know that if girls make a mistake,
They'd better run fast, and try to escape.
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140,210 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hello, ticktock123. Steam1244 here to give you a review. I must say that I agree with Sheyren on telling a story with about 200-ish words! I'm a girl, and I must say that I have partially played this role (Not laughing at another girl though). I relate to this because all girls do is want to fit in, and if it came down to it they would do whatever it takes, well most of the time.
I loved the formation of the poem that you used, sometimes people just slap it onto the paper and they are done, no. But you actually had correct form and that made me really happy. So, bravo to you for that! I can't really say anything bad about this poem, not that I'm trying too. When I say that I mean that there is nothing that I would critique. There is a bit about stereotypes, but that is ok. Because I can see where you are coming from while writing the poem.
So I thank you for your time and I hope you have a great day!
Keep Writing,
Miranda
Hi Steam!
Thanks! Yeah - I think I've played it too. I think that's what made me write it.
Thank you, have a good day.
Tick tock
~~
Hey there! ＼(^。^ ) Shey here for a review!
I'm going to start this review off by saying I am a guy. Hence, I can't comment much on the content of this poem. I can comment on formatting and delivery, which I will do.
First, I'd like to compliment you on your formatting. I see poetry where there's just one blob of literature too often, and it's refreshing to see someone properly formatting poetry. There was a beautiful simplicity to this poem's formatting, specifically because I didn't read this poem for formatting, I read it for the story. I don't need to see fancy indentations and separated lines, because I'm only here to read about the narrator and her story. Obviously there's a time and a place for fancy formatting, but I'm impressed you understood this was not that time and place.
One last thing I was impressed with was your delivery. It was powerful, and powerful poetry is always impressive. Telling a heavy story is easier with a lot of words, but in poetry you're supposed to use as few words as possible. So the fact that you could tell an emotional story with probably 200-ish words is throroughly impressive. Bravo!
Overall, awesome job! Keep up the great work, because I look forward to seeing more!
Hi Shey
Thank you so much for the review! Greatly appreciated
I'm so glad you liked the layout, I love the simplicity too.
I'm glad you liked it.
Thanks!
Tick tock
Love this. I am a guy, and often wondering why it is that girls paint up their faces so. I know there is some kind of pressure to do so. I wonder why it matters if people think one is a slut, if that person knows they are not, and just trying to fit in and have fun and all that. About half the time it's people with little comprehensing of the full lifestories and situational backgrounds speaking - but even moreso of the time with the type of people you will generally find in popular cool kids chat-clan. Often best to turn a blind ear, especially if a person hs never seen the real you; I would just let them believe...
Anyway, I'm not a giant fan of the final two couplets, while i am a Gaint Hand-Clapping Fanatic of the poem in large and Whole. The last two refrains are way too general, and therefore open to popular miss Conception.
Have a good one!
Thank you so much for your review! Yeah - I completely agree with you there.
Haha - to be honest, I don't think the last 2 verses are the best either. I will think and see if I can change them...
Thanks! You too.
Tick tock
Remington38 here, it's a pleasure to meet you
This is really amazing and I wish I could give it another star. This is something I wouldn't dare touch in my writing, because it is so sensitive of a topic I would be afraid of not giving it the justice it deserves. You completely gave it that justice and my favorite line is the line about keeping her lashes dry because mascara is expensive, it's so clever! I think just the idea of having to fake your smile and wear that mask is really relatable and wearing that smile when there's is an storm going on inside. This was so good and you are such a talented poet. Have a wonderful night.
Thank you so much Remington38!
I really appreciate your comment - and I'm really happy you liked my poem. Thank you - have a good night as well.
Hey--I'd like to put a couple of ideas out there regarding content and respect.
First of all, I'd like to acknowledge that there are a lot of stereotypes about eating disorders and disordered eating in general, and I don't want to come off antagonistic about this at all. I'm sure everything here is completely benign and that you aren't trying to be vicious, but I feel like it's necessary to make mention of a couple of things.
First of all, I don't know a lot of eating disordered people who are particularly nasty to other girls. I don't want to get super personal, but I'd consider myself to have a pretty unhealthy relationship with food and I have my fair share of eating disordered friends and I'd say out of the dozen or so people I know personally with an eating disorder, only one has ever said anything negative about body types, and that's only in scathing and constant reference to herself. The rest of them are all pretty body-positive and generally very respectful of other people's bodies; the idea that the subject of your poem (who I'd assume you intended as bulimic) would mock another girl on the basis of her weight seems really unrealistic to me. In my opinion, it's a really negative and unrealistic stereotype to hold onto.
Now, to move onto a bit of the technical stuff: your portrayal of symptoms doesn't seem very accurate to me. You're mixing diagnoses. "No food on your plate" would seem to imply anorexia or another restrictive eating disorder, whereas the vomiting would imply bulimia or another purging disorder. These symptoms can occur together and aren't necessarily uncommon, but most purging behaviors are accompanied by binging and for most bulimics (and other eating disordered people with purging behaviors) this is an extremely secretive behavior. Very few people with an eating disorder are open about any of their disordered behaviors.)
There are a lot of facets of eating disorders that could make for some poignant writing: the fact that they all cause heart damage, the obsessive-compulsive behaviors and disorder that is frequently comorbid, the unhealthy and even addictive behaviors adopted, etc. I think you missed anything of value to be said regarding eating disorders and I think there are a lot of negative stereotypes perpetuated here. I don't think it was intentional, but I'd like to ask you to reevaluate this piece and consider what I've said and how it relates here.
Again, I don't want to upset you or make you feel as though I'm trying to invalidate what you have to say, but a fair amount of this poem seems to come from ignorance. I'm hoping this isn't so harshly worded that it's difficult to learn from and move past.
-Ry
Hi Ry,
No - thank you so much for your review. I appreciate the time you took.
I completely understand your point on the disorders not being completely accurate - and I agree, most of the people I have encountered would not support my portrayal of the symptoms either. However my poem was more of a generalisation, I wanted to include as many aspects of the pressures on girls in one. I wanted the "girl" I am talking about to be able to connect and relate to as many people as possible. In a way, representing all girls, even though (as you rightly said) no girl is truly like that.
Again, yes - my poem was hugely based on stereotypes; and perhaps slightly devalued the true problems - but my level of writing would probably not be able to do justice to a more poignant and serious topic...
I don't think that my poem came from ignorance - I would say that some of the content I can connect with first hand, but yes - as you said, a deeper and better poem on the obsessive-compulsive disorders would undoubtedly make for more interesting writing.
I'm not really a serious poet - but I hope the poem resonated with some people. Thank you so much for your review - and I hope you understand my reply
Have a good night,
Tick Tock
P.S:
- I am flattered you reviewed my work - I have just read some of your poems, and I am in awe of your writing. Thank you.
I enjoyed reading your work. I hope you spend more time creating this art. Have a good day and enjoy you self. Thank you for giving me something to read.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate your comment and I'm glad you liked it.