Safe and Sound

The element of surprise is key in poetry, especially this one. This really through me off guard. I had a feeling something was going to happen, but not *that*, per say.

Ok, so first of all, I like that it has a short length. It almost symbolizes how sudden the speaker's death is and is set up like a twist. I liked the rhyming scheme too, which again exerted the impression that this poem was going to be nice and cuddly. But it isn't. In fact, that one ending line was incredibly dark and grim and, "whoa". My eyes bulged out of my sockets when I read that.

Then again, is the speaker dead? They are telling the tale. Maybe they're a ghost. I like that level of ambiguity, because it leads to open interpretations. For writing about terrible things, presumably the death of a child in this poem, what isn't elaborated on has more horror than the words themselves.

Hello ticktock123!

This is such an interesting poem because you fill the reader with one feeling to begin with; being happiness, home, sanctuary. And right at the end you pull the carpet right out from underneath their feet. I love writing like that too. Throwing in a plot twist, a curveball if you may, just like how life does. Very realistic I might as well say.

The quotation marks distracted me, but that's my own problem, you're just being grammatically correct, which I applaud. I do like the simplicity, but I think it would also be really intriguing if you added more to that "lost" sort of feeling in the last line. "Until I met the ground" was the climax of the poem, I'm saying, what if you added the avalanche at the end? Add to how cold the ground was or how they lied or how the bugs ate you alive. That would contradict the "straight-forward" motion in the beginning though. It might be interesting to switch behavior and tone, however.

All up to you though, of course! just some recommendations, **for lack of better word** I don't know, options might be a better word. Either way, I still like "Safe and Sound" just how you wrote it.

Keep writing,
Percybeth.

Well all I can say is, that was quite a twist.

The last line could be much more powerful. If you want to make it more intense and less... realistic, you could change it to "Then I met the ground". But I don't know where you want to go with this.

Also, the line "Don't let the bugs bite" kinda killed the synergy there because it doesn't fit well. Try "tucking me in tight" or "turning off the light" or something that fits better. "You're safe, don't let the bugs bit' Just doesn't flow well.

I liked your poem and its a good start.

Rachelle

Wow, is the only thing I can say as the end threw me off, I was surprised at how it ended! I love how you made it so obvious that something was going to happen, but I totally missed it! Though I did wish it didn't end as depressing as it did...