Angels in heaven, dressed in white,
If you really exist, then help me to fight.
Help me to stay another day,
Under this cloud that's always grey.
Blue is a colour I used to like,
But I fear I'm starting to loose my sight.
For all I can see is the tinge of red,
On my face, on my hands, on my clothes and the bed.
So black is the colour that's about to come,
When I find the courage to load the gun.
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140,191 Literary Works • 673,040 Reviews
this is a review.
I like this poem; i like the reference to the angel in the beginning; a great example of symbolism. the theme of doubt and religion seems tone infused within the poem, which is pretty good idea.
anyway, i hope you continue with your work and please keep up the job with it.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.
Wow. You know there is some poems or quotes I cry from reading them but there is a lot that I don't. This one made me cry. It hits so close to home. For me, for people with disorders and depression. Sad how much a small poem or story or quote can effect someone so much. Very, very good poem. I fight depression everyday. Everyday it gets worse and worse. My family is splitting. I have to deal with bulling from everyone. My mom is dying. I have been the worst big sister to my 2 little sisters. Nothing seems to go right in my life. The only time I feel good and at peace is when I'm writing. Stuff like this I write a lot. Keep writing. Try writing something positive also. Maybe you can give hope to someone who is on the edge of killing themselves. Maybe even save yourself without even knowing it.
Hi! First off thank you so so much for the review - I never thought I'd get this kind of response, thank you so much. It must be so hard to be going through what you're going through,I'm so glad this poem hit close to home. It means a lot. It's funny, because I wrote this poem when I can't relate to half of what my poem expresses, or anything that you're going through. I have no reason to complain about my life. Yet I wrote the poem after I'd had a bad day I guess, and I thought that I was in depression etc... when I clearly wasn't. Thank you for making me realise. It must be so hard to fight the depression, If I can help say. I hope you don't give up - but I guess you must have heard this same bs from loads of people. Anyway, please keep writing - you're really talented. I'll try and write something happy, its a good idea.
Thank you so much.
Tick tock
Your welcome
and sadly not a lot of people say that too me. I hide my feelings so easy its like a piece of cake, which shouldn't be that easy to do but it is for me. I have my boyfriend helping me stay positive but at times depression and stress, ect.. doesn't help.
Hello, ticktock123!
Great metaphors, great rhymes, great poem!
For a lot of people this is a very real problem they must face on a daily basis, and you captured it very well. Every day - a struggle to survive, and the most depressing part is that they need protection from themselves. Very dark piece.
"...starting to loose my sight" should be "starting to lose my sight". "Loose" means something not firmly held in place, "lose" means to be deprived of something, or be unable to locate something.
The verses are not too long or too short compared to one another, and this makes for a more musical read. You have some good rhymes there, especially the "stay-day-gray" one.
I see that you are new to YWS. You are most welcome, ticktock. This is a really good poem, and I hope that this review is both helpful and encouraging to you. Keep up the great work!
Thank you so much!!! I wasn't expecting any replies so thanks for the feedback. I'm glad you liked it... I actually wrote this as part of a competition where I had to include 5 colours in a poem of some kind, but as I wrote it the poem took on a different form. Thank you so much for your review! It was really helpful.
Tick tock
Well, I truly hope that this is just a poem to you, that you wrote this just for the sake of exploring a motive and putting together the idea of everything in life being describable with colors.
I fear that a poem constructed like this has been well thought trough. It should be if we are talking about the artistic side of it, but the theme is what genuinely worries me. I'll try to paint it what images it brought to mi mind while I was reading it:
1. Angels dressed in white - it's obvious.
2. While reading second and third line I felt the slight fear in my gut that the poem could end in the way it did. It was the fear induced by my own feelings and past - I've been trough a lot emotionally and it was only a couple years back that I got a hold of my own feeling and thoughts. And I've always been writing, but I was never able to cross the line over to writing anything suicidal. I just don't thing that there is any, ANY problem that can't be solved. The only thing that is really final is death. So I really believe that writing or even seriously thinking about such things is not the right way to solve any problem. It is far from uncommon, abnormal or strange because many many people do it, but it is not the right way. And I know that if someone is only thinking about it, it can make him feel worse about it or angry at himself. That is the reason why I was afraid to even submerge in that river for start, as I felt that maybe I couldn't come back from it. So that is why it was fear that those lines awakened in me.
3. Cloud that is always grey - this I understood as a problem or even many problems that torture your soul. The part that worries me is "always". It is OK in the poem, but I hope that you don't feel like this for real.
4. Blue is the color of sadness. A long period of sadness precedes the times when we start feeling hopelessly.
5. Losing sight- you don't see a way out probably. (It's there tho.)
6. All you can see is red. The red blood started flowing down my screen and the feeling I got on the beginning was becoming more and more probable.
7. Black - obvious meaning, just as white angels were.
Lyrically I liked the poem, the exploration of motive is great, and I hope it is all that it is.
I tried to write down the telepathic conversation I was having with you in my mind while I was reading your poem, as I'm always having at least one in my head. And it's not strange, I love them.
I see that you became member today, and your username sounds kind of like a clock counting down. I hope to see your answer or another work of art tomorrow when I wake up, or even better, sometime far in the future.
Have a nice day!
I had no idea it was going to have this effect, but thank you so much for your review. I really appreciate understanding how it made you feel. It's hard to say what pushed me to write it actually, I wouldn't say I can actually identify with it's theme, I'm not under depression or anything but I also wouldn't say I'm happy either. I guess it's just ups and downs... but I know a lot of people can relate to it.
And actually this was written completely on the spur of the moment. I literally thought up the first 2 lines and liked the sound of the rhyming. So I wrote the rest even though its theme is bleak and not something I have ever written about before. I like the idea of writing about anything and everything-because there's always someone who can identify as it being real for them.
The line with "blue" was actually a reference to the sky as being blue, compared to the constant grey colour now. It wasn't really a reference to sadness directly-although I get where your coming from.
Yes "losing sight" was a reference to being trapped, but also losing sight of happiness, hope and any chance of help.
Yes, the poem is mostly an exploration of the motive, but I think I could also relate to some parts. You said you've been through a lot emotionally a few years ago, but you go hold of your thoughts, I would be interested to know how you dealt with that. I agree with you, writing this, I was scared these thoughts were going to become more and more real to me, and I agree that there isn't a problem that can't be solved. But for me, the problem is being scared of these thoughts...and I guess this poem is more an act of defiance than anything. I want to solve the problem knowing that the truth is just brushed under the carpet because people are scared of words that can take on a reality.
I'm also curious about this telepathic conversation? What exactly do you mean? And about my username, I wouldn't say it is about the countdown, more about the steady rhythm that never falters.
I hope my answer has clarified a few things, I would love to hear what you have to say as well...
Tick tock
Yes, it has. I feel so relieved now, thank you for your answer.
I feel the same about "writing about anything and everything", because it broadens our views and pushes us to explore the theme at hand more deeply.
As for my past, I was a huge romantic and very emotional. Some of my friends said to me that they still can't believe that someone can be like that. Not in the bad way. I guess I was really far from reality. And later I became depressed and anxious and everything that comes with that. And at the time I didn't know what was I suffering from. I thought that I'm alone. The way I overcame all that is that I read a lot about it and I later became aware that I was just one out of many many people that suffer from those "modern diseases". Some studies show that every third person is socially anxious - and I figured: if that is true, than it is not strange and it is not a problem. If two persons start talking and they are both anxious about the other person, what is the point. They both understand the other person. It's kinda hard for me to explain, but I feel it strongly. And I also changed the groups of people I was spending time with, because they didn't suit me. And the most important thing is this: I wanted to change, and I started the process, but knowing that I will fail at the beginning, so I figured some guidelines to what I want to be, what kind of person, and I just tried to notice when I got off of my way, and than returned to it without blaming myself, but instead trying to figure out where I went wrong. And I gave myself a long period for everything. New years were the milestones(cliche, I know, but it worked). I'm really trying to keep this short, sorry.
So I know that every problem passes and anything can be done. And I never regretted anything I have done because I had a good reason at the time, and I try to do such thing in the present for the sake of being able to thing so in the future. OK enough about that.
Your username makes sense more like you explained it actually. I had just incorporated it in the whole picture in my head, along with the poem and the mood it put me in.
The telepathic conversation. Because I was worried, I kinda rooted for you, like when you watch a movie(I did see pictures while reading your poem afterall). And I was saying your arguments also, they were the next lines of the poem. Like I was convincing you to put the gun down. I hope I managed to answer everything without bringing much more details than you hoped for.
And once again, I really felt relieved reading your answer.
Wish you all the best, Francis.
Wow this is a very serious poem.. i like it a lot! I like how you use the colors to explain things like black and a gun.. and I definetely see some imagery as well. I like how there isnt any repitition because it allows the poem to flow... i read it over twice and I do not see any flaws, good job! I hope to see more poems from you.
thank you so much!!! I really appreciate your feedback. Me too, I liked the way that it flowed... And yes, I hope to write some more poems soon. If anyone has any inspiration to give me, it would be great-like a word or a picture maybe. Thank you.
Tick tock