I set foot on the shore of the island. We've finally arrived at our destination. It seems like it's been years since we left Southsford, it really hasn't been that long. Only a couple months. A nervous shiver runs up and down my spine. This could be the island where we finally discover Chaise. From the reports we heard, he is hiding somewhere here it he Ganglion Islands. Juke, the island I'm on, is the first in a long arcing chain extending one or two hundred miles away. Wold and I are scouting out the island. If we don't find anything, we'll move on to the next island. This one is basically a bare rock sticking out of the sea with a diameter of about three miles.
"You ready, Racen?" Wold asks.
"As ready as I'll ever be," I reply. I smile nervously, but Wold is already on her way.
With a final glance back at the ship, Wold and I start trekking over the island. It is pockmarked with craters. Some meteor shower must have struck the island long ago. Maybe that was how the island was created int the first place. They almost look like the footprints of some monster. The desolated appearance of the island is rather disconcerting. I'm afraid that something might jump out of them at any moment or that one of them will just swallow us right up as we are walking through it.
"Wow, it's really cold because of the wind," Wold remarks.
"Wold, it's been that way ever since we arrived on the open sea. You should have acclimated by now."
"'Should be acclimated' and actually being acclimated are two completely different things."
About half way across the island the wind dies down for a while as we descend into the largest crater where the wind can't quite reach us. The barren island seems a little more hospitable here, away from the harsh elements, but the absence of any greenery and all other signs of life is depressing.
"I don't like being down here where we can't see the edge of the horizon or even the edge of the island." Wold says
"Don't be a wet rag." I scold. "We're sheltered from the wind down here."
"I know. I guess I shouldn't complain. I'm just paranoid."
Wold's fears are unfounded. We make it to the other side of the crater safely. The edge of the island is only a couple hundred feet away.
"Is it even worth it walking to the edge?" I ask. "There aren't any craters, and if Chaise were on the island, he would've already shown himself."
"Probably not, let's head back," Wold replies. I nod.
The journey back through the desolate crater passes without any trouble. When we arrive back at the Vessel the smell of a hot meal wafts toward our noses. Our dinner is eggs cut into squares with peppers, cheese, and other good stuff inside of them. I've never seen it before, but it looks good, and I'm starving. We were able to gather the fresh supplies on a small island a two days ago. These are the last of them.
The Vessel is manned by a crew of twenty braved men who obviously aren't very bright. The best name the captain could come up with for the ship was Vessel. Its is simple, but effective. I wasn't sure about heading to sea in it, but it proved itself capable
"Next time, I'm going to be a member of the search party," RP complains. "I'm dying to get off this floating wooden tub."
"Oh? We'd have been happy to have thrown you over the edge into the water weeks ago," Wet jests.
"You know what I mean," RP says, rolling his eyes.
I chuckle. I always enjoy watching RP when he's mad, but I have to remind myself RP isn't my main antagonist. Chaise is the enemy. I wanted to find Chaise today, but in a way I'm glad I didn't. There's still a part of me that is reserved to actually coming face to face with him. I mean, killing a dragon isn't exactly a normal event.
Leaning againstthe side of the Vessel, I bite into my egg dish and watch the half set sun. The horizon has perfectly bisected the sun into two equal halves. The sight represents the epitome of beauty. It almost makes me forget the reason we're here. Almost. It still lingers in the back of my head like an unfinished task you remember in the middle of the night when you're lying in a real bed and you are far too comfortable to stir yourself put of bed. Then you finally get tired of lying there and you get up and do it because you have to get some sleep before morning.
"Are you okay, Racen?" Aiey asks, causing me to nearly drop my plate. "You've just stared off into space for the past minute."
"Oh? I was just tying to mull over things," I reply. Aiey nods.
"You're worried like the rest of us, aren't you?"
"Worried? What do you mean."
"There's no need to bluff, Racen. You know very well what I mean. You're worried what you'll do when we find Chaise."
"Yeah, I guess. It's strange that I'm worried when our purpose for coming here is to kill him."
"Not really. We all worry about things, even if they make no sense and we've done them before. It's a universal emotion. What matters is how we deal with it."
Aiey smiles and walks off before the meaning of her words can truly sink in. I guess they makes sense, but they don't make the work go away.
With these thoughts on my mind, I devour the last of dinner and look up to find that the sun has set in the sky and darkness is sinking in. The moon has already risen in the east, and it's light is growing more intense by the minute. The only thing that comes close to the beauty of the sunsets and sunrises are full moons on a dark night shedding there light on a pleasant glade in the middle of a forest.
"Don't daydream the evening away, Racen." RP sneers. "Remember the you've got the first watch tonight?"
"I'm aware," I reply coldly. I don't need to be reminded. And I'm not looking forward to it . . . at all.
"And don't fall asleep." He adds.
Now that's just plain taunting, I think, glaring at RP. The nerve! I'm not going to let him go around saying things like that! Unfortunately, I can't force RP to be civil. He's too cowardly to go after me in the open. His new plan is to whisper private taunts and, like now, target me when we are alone. The rest have gone belowdecks, or are working quietly, just out of hearing range. Now it's just my word against his. He's been acting this way ever since we first set sail from Gothriande.
I stride put to the helm of the boat and gaze out at the vast ocean. At least there is one comforting aspect about Chaise. He may be evil and huge, but he isn't as big or powerful as the mighty sea. With Cros's help we will be able to take him down. I hope.
I feel the boat rock slightly as a large figure approaches. From his approach you can tell he has a slight limp. Borin. I look over my shoulder and watch as his stocky figure lumbers toward me. What's he doing above deck? Even being in the presence of the large man is intimidating.
"I can take over for you tonight." He offers in his gruff tone of voice. I haven't been on duty for a while and I know you don't like it. Head bellow and rest up."
"That's kind of you, but I think I can manage," I reply against my will.
"Oh, it's nothing. Don't mention it. Losing a little sleep won't be too bad."
"All right. But only if you insist."
"'Tis nothing."
I head down belowdecks and settle down for the night. Tomorrow will be another big day. According to Captain Sadusa's map, the Vessel will arrive at Salamander Island if we set out at dawn and the wind remains the same. That means tomorrow could be the day we might encounter Chaise, perish the thought.
"What're you doing down here?" Wold asks, looking up in surprise. She's lying prostrate on a mat about the size of a double. She and I share since neither of us are fond of hammocks. Unforunately, it's a bit crammed.
"Borin offered to fill in for me, since he hadn't had watch duty in a while. I suppose it's a good thing, since I would have wasted my time being more and more anxious about Chaise."
"I'm doing that anyway," Wold chuckles to herself. "I'm sure I won't sleep for at least an hour or two tonight. There's this nervous knot in my stomach, and it isn't going away any time soon."
"I know. There's a hole in my stomach the size of RP's big toe."
"Where did that expression come from?" Wold asks.
"I don't know, but I know it accurately describes how I feel." Wold laughs.
"Well, we should probably stop talking or else neither of us will get any sleep tonight."
End of chapter
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139,347 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hey there, R4! Sorry it took so long, but I intend to catch up today (or tomorrow.) ^^
I think I'll take a break this time about technical stuff and just focus on plot. Now, I feel like this is yet another filler part that just followed a filler part and it feels like things are really slowing down. I mean, there doesn't seem to be much of a point to this chapter because nothing new is learned. There isn't much -- if any -- characterization and I feel like it could be cut out without losing anything.
That being said, it's really odd to me that the entire story just skips forward several months in time. And none of the characters have changed at all. I would've expected Racen to complain a lot more about being at sea or there to be a lot more tension between her and RP but it's just the same as no time passed. It's really odd and I wish there would be more of that sense of time passing. Show us how these characters have changed over this long journey at sea.
As well, it might help to show us their journey at sea rather than just skipping over it. It could hold some wonderful characterization showing us how they cope with not being on land. Does anyone get seasick? How do they deal with having to ration their supplies so strictly? I just feel like this monumental amount of time -- which is longer than the amount of time they were in the actual world before they left -- is just brushed off and it shouldn't be that way.
The beginning paragraph also feels quite a bit info-dumpy to me because it's trying to sum up what we missed and what we don't know, but you don't need to straight up tell us. I mean, being in Racen's head, she wouldn't just be reciting this to herself. Try some more creative ways to relay this information, such as her thinking to herself, "Juke at last. The first stop of many, but a milestone nonetheless." or something like that.
One thing that kind of frustrated me is how calm Racen is about all this. I mean, yes she is worried but I feel like she would be a lot more than just worried. She's fighting a freaking dragon! That's terrifying! Especially considering how she doesn't know anything about it or anything! True she has everyone with her, but that could not be a fun experience. She just seems to be hardcore under-reacting to this.
Speaking of which, I don't even remember why they need to fight this dragon in the first place, considering there was that huge thane side plot that seemed overall pointless considering they probably won't see him again? I feel like that could be a established a little more.
Final thing is that I don't know what any of the place names mean. It seems like a case that they're just thrown in there and were probably mentioned once or twice before, but we're not given anything to connect them with. I have no mental image of them and no idea what they mean so they're just words on a page. Try to connect something more to them so I can know what you're talking about ^^
Anyway ~ I'm off to the next part.
Happy writing,
~ Wolfe
Hello! First I'd like to say that this story sounds very interesting so far. I love the dragon part and I also like how they have a long string of islands where he could possibly be. This is good for character development or emotion because now everyday they come to an island they don't know if that one will be it or not. Everyday they don't find him, they have to start the next with even more apprehension.
Alright, on to a few more nit-picky things.
In this sentence you are referring to the craters I believe, but there's only context to tell us that since the previous sentence is talking about the desolate landscape. This can be a little confusing. Instead perhaps you could write, "I'm afraid that something might jump out of the craters at any moment or that one of them will just swallow us right up as we are walking through it."
This should be either "It's simple" or "It is simple".
Wold didn't say this sentence, but putting "Wold laughs" after it makes it look like Wold did. You could fix this by either making it "Racen says and Wold laughs" or by making "Wold laughs" its own paragraph.
Finally, be careful with your verb tense. You switch between past and present tense several times in the passage and ideally it should be one or the other. I'd suggest choosing one to stick with and rereading, editing it to that verb tense as you go along.
Anyway, once again great job on the story, I really liked the name of the ship being "vessel". That was funny. Keep up the good work!
Hello,raindrop here for a very very long review!
Anyways,let's start with this review,shall we?I will write your story here and correct it on the way.So reviewing and reading at the same together with correction so it is a bit easier for me to handle this work!I can not understand the tittle a lot but maybe I need to read it all over first.Still cathy enough,I could say.
I set foot on the shore of the island.
We've finally arrived at our destination.
It seems like it's been years since we left Southsford, it really hasn't been that long.
Only a couple months.
A nervous shiver runs up and down my spine.
This could be the island where we finally (find) Chaise. From the reports we heard, he is hiding somewhere here (around the/on) Ganglion Islands. Juke, the island I'm on, is the first in a long arcing chain extending one or two hundred miles away. Wold and I are scouting out the island. If we don't find anything, we'll move on to the next island. This one is basically a bare rock (,) sticking out of the sea with a diameter of about three miles.
"You ready, Racen?" Wold asks.
"As ready as I'll ever be," I reply. I smile nervously, but Wold is already on her way.
With a final glance back at the ship, Wold and I start trekking over the island. It is pockmarked with craters.
Some meteor shower (for htis part say 'some meteor showers or one meteor shower)
must have struck the island long ago.
Maybe that was how the island was created (in) the first place. They almost look like the footprints of some monster. The desolated appearance of the island is rather disconcerting. I'm afraid that something might jump out of them at any moment or that one of them will just swallow us right up as we are walking through it.
"Wow, it's really cold because of the wind," Wold remarks.
"Wold, it's been that way ever since we arrived on the open sea. You should have acclimated by now."
"'Should be acclimated' and actually being acclimated are two completely different things."
About half way across the island (,) the wind dies down for a while(,) as we descend into the largest crater where the wind can't quite reach us. The barren island seems a little more hospitable here, away from the harsh elements, but the absence of any greenery and all other signs of life is depressing.
"I don't like being down here where we can't see the edge of the horizon or even the edge of the island." Wold says.
"Don't be a wet rag." I scold. "We're sheltered from the wind down here."
"I know. I guess I shouldn't complain. I'm just paranoid."
Wold's fears are unfounded. We make it to the other side of the crater safely. The edge of the island is only a couple hundred feet away.
"Is it even worth it walking to the edge?" I ask. "There aren't any craters, and if Chaise were on the island, he would've already shown himself."
"Probably not, let's head back," Wold replies. I nod.(i think it needs to be past tense but still)
The journey back through the desolate crater passes without any trouble. When we arrive back at the Vessel (,)the smell of a hot meal wafts toward our noses. Our dinner is eggs cut into squares with peppers, cheese, and other good stuff inside of them. I've never seen it before, but it looks good, and I'm starving. We were able to gather the fresh supplies on a small island a two days ago. These are the last of them.
The Vessel is manned by a crew of twenty braved men who obviously aren't very bright. The best name the captain could come up with for the ship was Vessel. Its is simple, but effective. I wasn't sure about heading to sea in it, but it proved itself capable(.)
---skipping the fine parts----
I chuckle. I always enjoy watching RP when he's mad, but I have to remind myself RP isn't my main antagonist. Chaise is the enemy. I wanted to find Chaise today, but in a way(,) I'm glad I didn't. There's still a part of me that is reserved to actually (come) face to face with him. I mean, killing a dragon isn't exactly a normal event.
Leaning against (seperated) the side of the Vessel, I bite into my egg dish and watch the half set sun. The horizon has perfectly bisected the sun into two equal halves.
The sight represents the epitome of beauty. It almost makes me forget the reason we're here. Almost.(italic)
It still lingers in the back of my head like an unfinished task you remember in the middle of the night when you're lying in a real bed and you are far too comfortable to stir yourself of bed. Then you finally get tired of lying there and you get up (,) and do it because you have to get some sleep before morning.
------
"Worried? What do you mean(?)"
Aiey smiles and walks off before the meaning of her words can truly sink in. I guess they makes sense, but they don't make the work go away.
With these thoughts on my mind, I devour the last of dinner and look up to find that the sun has set in the sky and darkness is sinking in. The moon has already risen in the east, and it's light is growing more intense by the minute. The only thing that comes close to the beauty of the sunsets and sunrises are full moons on a dark night shedding there light on a pleasant glade in the middle of a forest.
"Don't daydream the evening away, Racen." RP sneers.
"Remember the you've got the first watch tonight?" (this makes no sense)
"I'm aware," I reply coldly. I don't need to be reminded. And I'm not looking forward to it . . . at all.
"And don't fall asleep." He adds.
-------
"'(This is) nothing."
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Good job!I love the dragon theme!