Typo Alley~J Part One

I wake up with a start as I feel some object crawling over my skin.

Instinctively, I jump up yelping with pain. A rat! Those little devils!

"Nice way to wake up, isn't it?" RP asks. "They woke me up a while back. I could hear them scurrying around which unsettled my sleep. Of course you are such a heavy sleeper that it would take a marching army to wake you."

I stare at RP. He is such a nuisance. I shove him against the wall without giving my action as second thought. He yelps in pain. I suddenly realize that his wounds from the night before are starting to heal up. I hadn't even given any though to them. How foolish of me.

"Shut up in there!" the guard says, before adding, "And I don't want any more fighting. It is against the rules." He gave us a fierce glare that would scare a bear away. He looks dangerous.

Just as I think he is about to open the door and charge us, I hear the door to the dungeon open. A smaller hobbit, only about three fee high, enters into the light of one of the torches. He is carrying a tray. Oh good, breakfast.

"When do I get relieved?" our guard asked irritably.

"How should I know? I work in the kitchen. I've only been into the guard's quarters once while touring the grounds when I applied for the job."

"Well it better be coming soon," the guard stated. His voice carried itself through the dungeons, visiting each of the cells before bouncing back to ours.

The hobbit, who I presume is a boy, handed us our food as the guard opened the iron to our cell, and then hurriedly walked back toward the exit of the dungeon. I guess I am not the only one who is afraid of that guard.

The cell door slams shut with a loud bang that again reverberates off of the dungeon walls. The guard curses under his breath. I don't catch what exactly he said. I heard something about a fool along with a jumble of other unintelligible phrases.

"He's quite cranky today," RP comments to me in a voice, barely above a whisper.

"I noticed. Perhaps, if he always acts this way, you will have a competitor." He eyes my with furrowed eyebrows.

"I don't plan to stick around long enough to do that?" he says dryly. I smirk, realizing I have scored a victory. RP obviously said that with of bravado.

A few minutes later, after an episode of pacing the guard finally shows up. He looks much more pleasant than our current one, but looks can be deceiving.

"What took you so long?" the guard ask. He glares at the other man angrily.

"I am not late," the man insists. "I always arrive arrive exactly when I intend to. Today, I intended to take longer eating breakfast! I wanted to give a good impression. I never do something I don't mean to."

Our guard gives the man a confused look. "Who are you? I don't recognize you."

"No? I'm surprised. I have only been here a whole night long."

"Ah! A new guard. No wonder they sent you down here. Don't be late again, though."

"But I meant to be late!"

The guard looks thoroughly confused. I feel the same as he does. I look are the new man with incredulity on my face. He stands there with a look of superiority on his face.

"Why would you want to be late. That makes absolutely no sense."

"My point is not to make sense, my point is to be intentional. I meant to be late."

"Your intentions don't matter. What you do matters."

"Hmm. It appears you haven't taken any philosophy classes."

"No... any should I have?" The first guard asks, a quizzical look painted his face. He slowly backs away, edging toward the door leading out of the dungeon.

"You shouldn't I suppose. I should learn to forget my previous life if I want to make any progress in the new one."

"And you should learn never to be late to relieve someone of their post. If something happened while you were gone, you would be held accountable, not to mention the fact that you can be punished as a result. I'll let you off the hook this time, but never again." He gives the new man a stern look before walking away."

"Sure," the guard agrees.

"Good," our previous guard says, leaving the dungeon.

"Well, that went off better than I thought it would," the guard comments softly.

After his comment silence moves into the room and and grabs all of your throats. The only noises comes from one of us moving around. Outside the birds are tweeting and twittering cheerfully as if everything in the world is all right. Is suppose that, to them, it is. I feel gloomy as I eat the porridge the boy brought us. Wold, seeming not to care much for the food, pins down a rat scampering through the cell, breaking the silence.

I smile gratefully at Wold for killing the rat. I hadn't noticed it, but I am sure I would have screamed if I had.

"You aren't going to survive on rats alone, a gruff voice says. At first I think it is RP, but then I realize it is our guard."

"I know, Wold replies. I'm counting on it. I am primarily ate it because I'm bored, and Racen, the elf there, hates rats."

The guard grunts. I can't tell whether he is amused or simply ambivalent. He doesn't give any further indication of emotion to give me a hint, so we return to the silence. I am not sure what is more binding... it or the iron bars on the door of the cell.

"Why are the three of you so quiet?" the guard asks. You look like a flock of sheep with no grass to eat."

"No, we are shepherds without any grass to feed our sheep with," Wold corrects.

"Ah, I see. Well, are you going to answer my question or not?"

"The other guards told us that we weren't allowed to talk"

"Hmm. They probably didn't want to have to listen to you. Or they were trying to sleep on duty.

"Ho did you guess?" I ask.

"I know how people act. I have made it a lifelong hobby of mine."

RP breaks out in a chuckle. I turn to glare at him out of habit before I realize that he isn't talking to me. His mood instantly sours.

"Sorry, I thought you were laughing at my question."

"Typical," his terse reply brings the attention of the guard to him.

"You don't get along?" he queries.

"Unfortunately," Wold replies, "they always try to jab at each other all the time. I've been trying to make them solve their differences, but my effort have made little headway toward reconciliation."

"I see. You are a pacifist."

"Yes. You could call me that. I can't help but wonder why you would be interested?"

"Like I said, I like studying people's behaviors. It is fun."

"I'm glad you find me amusing," Wold quips. "I actually like to hold to my principles. I don't always push for peace. Sometimes it is unavoidable."

"Intriguing! Very few people live by principles. I always enjoy people that are different from the majority. Once you have studied one ordinary person you have studied them all."

"Are you calling me ordinary?" RP growls. "If you are you are complete,y mistaken."

"Tsk tsk. Aren't you touchy. I actually think that you are rather usual. You are much like the stereotypical dwarf. The was I can tell is by whether they claim to be typical or not. They are aways the opposite of what they think."

RP challenges the guard to a staring contest and the guard accepts. Surprisingly the guard doesn't back down right away like most people do when they face off against RP. He shakes his head in disgust, as if to say that the guard isn't a worthy opponent."

An uncomfortable silence follows. My thoughts to to thoughts of lunch interrupt me. I glance outside and see the sun rising up to the zenith of its arc. It must be noon now. I don't know how often they are willing to feed us, though. We will most likely only be ridden two meals a day, so I shouldn't expect any food for a long while.

The guard shuffles around. I look up and see him fumbling through his a large pocket in the pants of his uniform. He pulls out morsel of bread and some cheese. How rude of him! He makes a mm noise in appreciation, only serving to wet my appetite more.

"Nice of you to bring us lunch," RP says. I can almost taste the sarcasm dripping off his tongue. He states my thoughts purposely. It's ironic that I actually agree with an insult that RP issues.

"I thought about it, but I thought that stealing from the kitchen. However intentional I was, wouldn't really sit well with the powers that exist within the kitchen. Have you seen the ladle the cook carries with him! Whooee! That is enough to scare anyone, even the likes of you, dwarf."

"My name is RP417, to you."

"That's nice to know. It is quite an interesting name. Unusual. Perhaps the best thing about you."

"You can call him RP," Wold interjects.

"No he cannot," RP retorts. "He will call my by my full name, not by a nickname." The guard shrugs. He seems far more interested in contemplating RP's name to car about whether on no he is allowed to call him by his nickname or not. He is the strangest guard. I haven't been around very many of them, but this one doesn't seem to be acting the way he should. I suddenly devise a tactful question to pose to him.

"So, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself? If you are so interested in us, perhaps you should tell us a little bit about yourself in return."

"Who's to say I can give you any information about myself? I am your guard, you know. I don't have to tell you anything about myself. Perhaps I am just a guard that is sent here to look stupid and friendly to get information out of you."

 "If that's the case, why suggest the idea to us?" RP asks suspiciously.

"I was merely presenting the possibilities. Any or none of them could be true. You will have to wait and find out which one is for yourself. I can't tell you about the mystery, give you all of the clues and tell you what is the truth, can I?"

"No," I assent. "That would take away all of the fun of the game that you are trying to make us play."

The guard raises his eyebrows, but says nothing. RP opens his mouth to speak, but I give him the look. He remains silent. I have a hunch that this guard, whatever his name is, is trying to prove something to us, or show us something in am obvious way. I think hard about the possibilities, and why he wants us to do this, but nothing comes to mind.

I glance out the barred window again and see the sun beginning to fall toward the opposite horizon. It burns fiercely. We are now at the hight of summer. The sun's heat is enough to burn one's skin within a matter of a few hours.

"I will give you until my next shift, whenever that is, to try to figure out the mystery. If you don't have it I won't give you anything."

"Who said there was anything to give?" RP asks.

"I did, of course! I am the one who makes all the rules around here."