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Typo Alley~D Part One

by r4p17


I hold on tightly to the rock imbedded in the ground as I slip down the hill. My feet stop inches in front of Wold's nose. Oh my...that was close! We are less than a hundred feet from the top of the highest mountain around us; but the ground slopes nearly ninety degrees parallel to the ground miles below us. The climb is treacherous, and if I wouldn't have had my hand on that small rock, I would have fallen to my death, taking Wold with me. I hang on for a few moments before getting back up and crawling up the mountain slope.

"You better be more careful the next time," Wold calls behind me. "You could have killed both of us." I sigh and shake my head before apologizing profusely to her.

"I am so sorry," I begin. "As I grabbed hold of that seedling tree there my hands slid because of the new leaves and I began to fall. But fortunately I had the presence of mind to grab hold of a small rock. I still probably should have been a little bit more careful though." I hang my head in shame; but Wold softens after hearing my explanation and said there was no need to apologize.

"You probably couldn't have done anything to stop yourself. Don't worry about it."

I nod and again start to ascend the rocky crag. By this time I am a dozen yards behind RP. I try to hasten my ascent, but I gain little ground. Every few seconds he will send a miniature avalanche of shale down my way, forcing me to stop until it subsides.

At last I look up and see the crest through blurred vision. But there is also something else. Something strange; it looks to be some foreign object. It is too big to be a bolder. I stop and wait for my vision to clear. When it does I can see the thing more clearly. It emits a large blasting noise similar to a trumpet blast. In an instant Wold is in front of me howling with joy.

"Katya!" I exclaim in awe. "I that really you?" A tone of incredulity rings in my voice. I cannot believe my eyes. To think that she would just appear here out of nowhere after an absence of no less than two and a half days! "I can't believe you are here! How in the world..."

"Hahaha!" Katya laughs. "It is rather a long story. I will tell it to you later; but for now let this suffice: I have been with the author and he gave me a few gifts. For one thing he restored my elephantine memory and for another he gave me instructions one what we should when we're in Telepéthia—" Katya is just about to continue but she is cut off in mid sentence by all three of us who blurted out a torrent of questions for her to answer.

"What are the instructions and where are they?" RP, ever the leader of the party said.

Next I exclaim, "Oh! That's wonderful. Now you will be able to remember everything!"

Finally Wold asks her, "What did you say? What in the whole wide world is Telepéthia?"

"Stop, stop!" Katya exclaims. We all cease talking abruptly. "Alright. First things first. RP, you asked me about the instructions. They are in my brain. Telepthia is this place that we are in right now. It is comprised of two main islands. One has elves, men, and trolls and another has dwarves and haflings."

"Which one are we on right now?" Wold asks. "If we are on the one with dwarves than we'll probably find those dwarves that RP is looking for sooner or later."

"What dwarves are you looking for?" Katya asks flopping her ears to cool herself.

"We were hoping to find some dwarves in the mountains here, but to so far we haven't," RP says. "But that isn't very important right now. Continue."

"Okay," Katya says. "Well to be honest I am not sure. I don't know which is which and as it is we don't even have a map with us to see where we are. I wonder how you knew to come here."

"Actually we do have a map!" I say. "I have it right here. See." I hold the parchment up for her to see. "We are right here. Or at least that is our guess. Since the ocean is to the south of us and there is a pine forest that we were in at one point."

"Cool." Katya says. "My guess is that this is the island with the dwarves and halflings on it. I don't know for sure though. Oh, and there are also dragons living among some mountains on each of the islands. So we might have to be careful!" I shudder. Dragons are dangerous! I am afraid that my little bow won't be much help. I don't really think RP's sword will either.

"What are we supposed to do first?" RP asks. "What was the first instruction that the Author gave you? Should we keep heading west to the sea or should we go somewhere else?"

"We are supposed to head northeast." Katya stated simply. "The Author wouldn't tell me how long we are supposed to go in that direction though he said that we would come to some place by the name of Arsham ruled over by some halfling Paladin. He said that when we came to a town having to do with hight we would find a shop with the name Typo Alley over it! Apparently it has something to do with the Typo Alley that we came from! When we arrive he said we should talk to the owner of the shop I forget what he said after that now. But don't fear! The Author said that I would forget the instructions often along the way."

"Hah! What a cruel trick. It seems like something the author would do." Hmm...it seems as if RP has changed a good deal since we arrived here. Before he was nice, but now he seems to be a little be crude, and more of a leader.

"Well there isn't anything I can do about it." Katya says. "Now come on, let's get moving."

"Hold on a second will you!" Wold exclaims. "We just finished climbing that slope and that is hard enough. I don't feel particularly inclined to go right back down after a few seconds."

"I agree," I say. "We only have hardly had a rest yet today except for a quick lunch around breakfast. Now let's just sit and enjoy the view for a few minutes."

"Of course!" Katya practically shouts. How could I be so foolish. The only thing is I am quite a bit...bigger than all of you...and I don't feel very stable. The thin air is also making me dizzy. We might just want to go down a hundred feet or so to where those boulders are. They are a little bit more...stable than all this shale, if you know what I mean." The rest of us agree.

When we reach the boulders each of us (except of course for Katya) take a seat, or sprawl ourselves out, on one of the more or less flat ones. To the north and south a ridge extends several hundred feet above the other mountains. It is the largest of those all around us. It extends in either direction almost to the end of sight. We are sitting on the tallest part of it. As a result we have an incredible view of the entire region.

Off to the east I can see nothing but a series of humps sticking up marking many of the somewhat smaller mountains. In addition to this there are numerous ravines, gullies, and deep, wide valleys. The sight was almost as beautiful as the one I could see from the pine tree I ascended two or three days before. To be honest I can hardly keep track of what has taken place in the past few day ever since we came to Telptha or whatever this place is called!

I take a sip from my canteen and sigh in pleasure. It tastes so good! I wonder why it is that water always tastes better when you are thirsty and it is cold?

After sitting on the rock and rehydrating (not to mention looking at the scenery) Wold suggests that we get moving. RP readily agrees while I shrug and pick up my pack once again. For once RP doesn't lead the way. It is Katya who steps out in front with RP right behind her. Wold and I stick together in the rear about ten paces behind the rest. I travel with my pack on my back and my bow in hand to steady myself as we walk, or rather crawl, down the steep slope. In nearly half an hour we only make it to the foot of the slope we just ascended, across a bubbling brook about five feet across, and up another steep slope that rise nearly a hundred feet above the creek.

"Where do we head now?" Katya asks when we come to a fork in the path. Wold and I limp up to the crossroads breathing heavily.

"I say that we should turn left here and head north through that patch of woods." RP says. "It looked as if there was a gap in between two hills running east to west just a bit beyond that."

"Aright!" Katya responded energetically. "Well then let's get going." In fact, that is precisely what we do.


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Sun Mar 29, 2015 11:42 pm
Pretzelstick wrote a review...



Heya R4P17, pretzelsing here for a review of your next chapter.Anyways,let's begin,shall we?

We are less than a hundred feet from the top of the highest mountain around us; but the ground slopes nearly ninety degrees parallel to the ground miles below us.


We might just want to go down a hundred feet or so to where those boulders are.


To the north and south a ridge extends several hundred feet above the other mountains.

Do you notice what all of these have in common?
I tell this to all writers that write in measurements in their works, I don't get any picture of the length/distance here. I can't imagine what a hundred feet is or ninety degrees parallel. Those measurements ^^ mean nothing to me because they don't really add to the story.>.< I like to call those technical stuff.Because that's what they really are for me anyway.

"As I grabbed hold of that seedling tree there my hands slid because of the new leaves and I began to fall.


You don't really need the word "there" because it kind of disrupts the flow in this sentence.I would strike that out.

"Hold on a second will you!" Wold exclaims


I think think that here at the end of the sentence you could punctuate it like this: "Hold on a second,will you!?" Put a comma after second and before

I cannot believe my eyes.


That is veeeery cliche, and I think that you could change it or completely omit it. If you go back to that paragraph, you will see that you already clearly emphasized how awed Racen was that Katya just appeared.

[/quote]I will tell it to you later; but for now let this suffice: I have been with the author and he gave me a few gifts. [/quote]

So here you have a semicolon and a colon in one sentence. I would avoid those two being together.What if you wrote something like:

"I will tell it to you later. For now let this suffice:I have been..."

Do you see what I mean, rp?

My guess is that this is the island with the dwarves and halflings on it. I don't know for sure though.


Do you know what could be rrrrrrreally cool? If you implemented this awesome plot twist and you actually made them be on the wrong island so that they have to travel all the way to the other one. Poor creatures :P

It seems like something the author would do.


Until this point you have been capitalizing the A in Author, since that is his name(for us anyways). I think that you should be consistent and capitalize this one too <,<

The only thing is I am quite a bit...bigger than all of you...and I don't feel very stable. The thin air is also making me dizzy. We might just want to go down a hundred feet or so to where those boulders are. They are a little bit more...stable than all this shale, if you know what I mean."


What is going on with all of these ellipsis? I think that you used most of them grammatically incorrect.
Here is a helpful link that I will refer you to:
The Ellipsis

So anyways to sum that up in a couple of easy words for you here we go:

1.You want to do this to either omit words in dialogue or when you pause in the sentence.
2.A thing that most writers get wrong. Ellipsis need to be evenly spaced meaning: (. . .) or
. space . space . space <,< That is how is should be written.
3.If this is in the middle of a sentence you should use a space between the first dot and the word that is before it and after it.

So generally most of those ellipsis that you used weren't needed(I don't think that Katya paused that many time in one breath :P)

When we reach the boulders each of us (except of course for Katya) take a seat, or sprawl ourselves out, on one of the more or less flat[boulders]ones.


Okay so I personally don't like the phrase more or less flat ones because it's kind of self-contradictory, if you see what I mean. You could just writer: "on fairly flat boulders." I also think that you should insert something instead of the last word: "ones" just because I almost lost track of what you were talking about.

"Of course!" Katya practically shouts. How could I be so foolish.


You forgot your first pair of quotation marks, before "How could I be . . ." If you go and look back to the place that I am talking about then you will see what I mean by this(the quotation ends on the other side)

It is Katya who steps out in front[,] with RP right behind her.


I think that you essentially need a comma here,just because without it the whole sentence can be read wrong.

That's it from the nitpicks(and good because my mouse isn't working-my battery died so it is extremely difficult to copy and paste xD) Woaaah! What a surprise that Katya just appears here on the mountain randomly. My question is: How did she get up here? She couldn't have just appeared did she? Or maybe she did just appear but that doesn't seem very realistic at all.Maybe make that more like something that would happen(even in the fantasy world ;))

Yesssh! RP is finally humbled because Katya is the leader, I was just looking something like this. I would like though a reaction from RP, about how he feels about this sudden shift in powers or leadership. Maybe this doesn't last for long? Or does it, since Katya has all of the directions right in her head.

I actually really liked this chapter, but I think that you could work on showing us just how difficult and treacherous mountain climbing really is. I mean, you told us this many times, but you never really showed us. Like that first scene where Racen almost came tumbling down,wasn't epic. Work on impleting fast-paced and captivating action so that the readers are kept on their seats. We need some adrenaline to help us keep reading :P. Maybe make Racen shake, instead of apologizing, or maybe describe how she held onto the rock for her life. Do you see what I mean?Show us the fear in her, maybe her breath was ragged,or her mind was racing,whatever creative thing that you can SHOW me!

Anyways,that's it from me.I hope that this review helps you improve your writing!

KEEP ON WRITING!

HAPPY REVIEW DAY!




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Sun Feb 22, 2015 2:17 pm
Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there! Noelle back for another Review Day review.

I hold on tightly to the rock imbedded in the ground as I slip down the hill.

It's not really a hill because they're on a mountain ;)

Aw man, you skipped right over the fun part! I was hoping to follow them climbing the mountain. Now they're almost all the way up and we've missed out on the fun of the climb. But that's okay, they're not all the way up yet so there'll be some more climbing to read about. Especially that part about almost running into Wold. Whew, that was a close one.

Every few seconds he will send a miniature avalanche of shale down my way, forcing me to stop until it subsides.

Why? He's not doing that on purpose, is he? It kind of sounds like he is. Maybe instead you could say that Racen has to dodge the shale that keeps falling because RP dislodges it while he climbs. Just something that doesn't make it sound like he's deliberately sending shale her way to make her fall.

"Hahaha!" Katya laughs.

This is one of my pet peeves in writing. You really don't need to write out the 'hahaha' part unless she's actually saying that. She's not, she's just laughing. So saying she laughs is good enough.

There is a lot of worldbuilding in this chapter. I love it! We learn so much. And the cool thing about it is that it's not overwhelming. We know some things already, so what Katya is telling everyone makes sense. Our minds are so open to anything that this world seems so real. It's definitely not an info dump either because we're getting other parts of the story as well. I feel like this is a great place to give us some answers. It's late enough in the story that we've been walking around blindly, yet not too early that we won't want to learn anything else. Your strategy for giving us information worked well!

"Hah! What a cruel trick. It seems like something the author would do." Hmm...it seems as if RP has changed a good deal since we arrived here.

I think there should definitely be a dialogue tag here. Especially if you're going to have Racen's thoughts after it. It seems like Racen was the one to say this even though we know it's RP from her thoughts. The tag can separate the dialogue and the thoughts.

This is definitely one of your better chapters. It's written very well. We get a lot of imagery as well as a lot more information about the characters. Katya is back, which is nice. I have to admit, I was a bit scared that you were just going to keep her in that early chapter and not have her come back :/ But here she is and everything is right in the world.

It's a very interesting strategy to give Katya such a huge role in the adventure. She's spent the most time with the author and he's told her things that the others don't know. Now she kind of has to take over and become the leader. There's really no choice they have. Maybe RP will come more to his senses and become a better leader this way. He'll see how Katya does it and he could learn from her example.

Random comment: I always feel weird talking about RP because I feel like I'm talking about you and I'm going to hurt your feelings xDD But I know he's just a character so I get over it eventually.

Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter. The adventure seems to be going great and now they know where to go. Katya knows things that will really help them do whatever it is the author wants them to. Of course, this makes me think that something will go terribly wrong soon because things can't always be perfect. Plus authors are mean so... xD I shall have to read on to see!

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




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Wed Sep 24, 2014 4:22 pm
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Deanie says...



Hi there!

Well, this chapter was absolutely amazing.

No seriously, I have nothing to say that someone before me, like Therese, hasn't said already.

I will just keep reading. If you keep this quality of writing up, soon I will have nothing more to say :D

Deanie x




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Wed Aug 20, 2014 9:41 pm
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Kelpies wrote a review...



Hello r4p17!

First of all, Dragons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD. Sure, in some stories they ravage the land, in others they're the heroes. Either way, they're pretty cool. Anyway, the quality of this piece has not in the least diminished. I can't wait for the next chapter to come out. But I do have some criticism.

It is too big to be a bolder
I think it's "boulder". Also, boulders can be pretty large, though I guess that if it's bigger than an elephant than it's a hill.
past few day
Days?

Otherwise, Great job! See you soon.

~Kelpies.




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Tue Aug 19, 2014 1:53 pm
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ThereseCricket wrote a review...



Hi! Cricket here for a review! Has come to repay the favor, so don't get some crazy idea Sméagol/r4/. ;)

Well for starters, I'm finding myself liking the character's dialogue. Not in the sense of how it's put exactly (although that was pretty well done as well) but rather it seemed to portray, the difference in everybody's personality. Gave them a sort of uniqueness. And that's something that I have found, a lot of writers seem to struggle with. Giving a character their own personality without putting two characters down as the same, or close to the same.

As the work has very few grammatical errors, and very little problem when it comes to something big, this review may or may not be long or short. XD

Oh my...that was close!


I learned this from a reviewer a few weeks ago, as I was making the same mistake, over and over again. Put a space after an ellipses. Always, or else the two words that are being separated are technically one then. :D

We are less than a hundred feet from the top of the highest mountain around us; but the ground slopes nearly ninety degrees parallel to the ground miles below us


Although, the sentence structure is awesome and everything, I do have one complaint. There are sooo many types of measurement in here! In many shapes and forms! Feet, highest, ninety degrees, parallel, and miles. XD Parallel isn't exactly a measurement, but rather a direction of sorts, but it's still something that could be used for the purpose of defining measurement. XD I'd suggest trying to cut out some of the words, and try and insert them elsewhere. It seems a bit cluttered at the moment, because of so many descriptive measurement words.

I hang my head in shame; but Wold softens after hearing my explanation and said there was no need to apologize.


There a few more cases such as this, throughout the work, but I figured I'd use this one as an example, since it's much more obvious to the eye that the rest.
The semi-colon needs to go, and be replaced by a comma. Usually try to fit in a comma whenever you can, instead of a semi-colon, but here's a link to an article that I found, that should help you with placement of these. ;) (http://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/Semicolons.html)

But fortunately I had the presence of mind to grab hold of a small rock.


Now as I haven't read any of your previous chapters, I can't say exactly if this fits in with your character, but eh, what's with such floral speech? XD If this fits in with your character and his personality, then leave it. But re-examine it just in case, and make sure, as this sounds a little FLORAL for my taste, and I think I would have preferred something much simpler and down to earth. :D

Every few seconds he will send a miniature avalanche of shale down my way, forcing me to stop until it subsides


One thing I noticed is a that sometimes you just focus on action, and not reaction. What exactly is his reaction to the shale coming towards him? More particularly, towards his face really. That's one thing that I'd enjoy seeing more. A reaction to something, and not just action here, and then action there, and so forth. Try to go for an even mixture of it all, while writing this kind of stuff.

But there is also something else. Something strange; it looks to be some foreign object


XD I like your repetition here, and I think the semi-colon is used very well here! :D Niiiiiccee

Typo

"Is that really you?"


Just a wee little typo, that I wasn't sure if you'd seen or not, so I'm just pointing it out just in case!

Before he was nice, but now he seems to be a little be crude, and more of a leader.


Word in slice through is unnecessary, and I have a slight, rather stupid suggestion. Why not use something else besides CRUDE? When I think of someone crude, I think of a old fashioned redneck (which btw, those kind of people are totes awesome. I know SEVERAL. XD). Also a leader, isn't somebody--at least I wouldn't think so-- that would be labeled as CRUDE. Just my thought is all.

"Well then let's get going."


I noticed that you have a slight problem with commas, so I have a link here that might possibly help with them. (http://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/Commas.html) Hope that one helps!

XD And I think I'm done! Hope this bit helped you, and PM me if you have any questions. :D

Keep Writing!

~Cricket




r4p17 says...


Thanks for the review!



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Mon Aug 18, 2014 4:33 am
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SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hello, R4. Wolf here for a review.

So, I'm not sure how I feel about the beginning. It seems kind of abrupt to me, since in the last part of the chapter they had just set out on their journey again, and no Racen has already slipped? Maybe make that transition a little smoother. Since you post these chapters in parts, you want to make sure that each one flows into one another and that they don't feel like two separate chapters. That abrupt starting point is sort of like a chunk of metal jabbed into the space where that part ended and this one started. (Great analogy, I know.)

Spots here and there seem to be kind of redundant. Parts are repeated just by rewording a phrase and sticking it in there again (similar to what I just did there). It's there a couple times, but the first one I can think of is when Racen slips and almost knocks into Wold. It then proceedes to tell that Racen 'profusely apologizes.' After that, there is the actual dialogue if her apologizing. That seems a little unnecessary, since in literally the sentence before, it was told that Racen apologized. Be careful for spots like those.

Thank you! Finally, after 'nagging' you about having Racen notice the change in behavior, it was done! Yes! I also really like where it was placed. Where it was just allowed it to flow easily and it didn't really jutt out to me. Nice job.

I do recall that before you had some issues with balancing out actions, thoughts, and dialogue. Just looking back at that now, you're doing a good job working on that, though a little more narration when they are hiking around would be better, but you're getting a lot better with that! Your dialogue is very well done too. Having Katya suddenly appear seems pretty comical, and it's a nice touch.

Sorry if my review seems kind of scattered. Anyways, I find it really cool that you've been able to twist, stretch, and tug at this idea that happened in the Chatroom to turn it into an actual novel. As I stated before about how 'Typo Alley' would relate to the rest of the plot, I see how you've decided to incorporate it. It's a nice touch and I can really see a plot starting to form. Nice job! Hope to see more soon. Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~




AdmiralKat says...


You can't doubt that I'm a comical person, Wolf. XD You laugh at me all the time and I laugh at you laughing at meh.



AdmiralKat says...


Usually...



r4p17 says...


Thanks for the review! They are always so helpful. :P I'll consider what you said about the beginning, though I kind of thought it would be cool for effect. Maybe I will change the name of this and go back to write a filler part. ;). Though that does seem a little laborious.




if ya mention chickens, i have to show up, that is the law.
— alliyah