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by niteowl

the trees of my imagination wail in the insect air,
eaten alive by reality and ravaged by time.

i cry for the leaves that once grew on them,
the worlds i tried to keep alive in stories.

i am too old now for imagination trees.
i hide in hives and hear only the buzzing of drones.

but when i close my eyes and see empty fields,
i reach into the soil to plant the seeds again.

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3746 Reviews

Points: 2212
Reviews: 3746

Sat Jan 28, 2017 2:22 am
Snoink wrote a review...

Hi niteowl!

I... actually really like this poem because it describes what I've been slogging through for quite sometime. Which is a little funny, now that I glance at the comments, because it appears it all started with a random word generator! Still, I do love this poem.

I think my favorite stanza is actually the second one, because it kind of trips and falls on itself with the second line, which endears itself to me. After all, not only does it tell that the words are not coming out well, but it shows it too, and it kind of blurts out honestly what's going on, in the midst of all these metaphors of insects and greenery. So, I actually really like that bit.

I love the ending too... the scene of the empty fields and scooping out seeds, like Johnny Appleseed. Really good.

So, yeah. You've made my favorite poem of the year (so far!) with a poetry generator. XD

No, but seriously, it's awesome. I love it.

niteowl says...

Thanks! Yeah one of my goals this year has been to write 10 minutes a day every day. I've missed some days, but I've written a lot of poems from the Random Poetic Line Generator. Sometimes the lines it spits out are just weird, but this one worked out really well. Glad you liked it! :)

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19 Reviews

Points: 181
Reviews: 19

Thu Jan 26, 2017 3:27 pm
ghost223 wrote a review...

Wow, okay, I'm not going to introduce myself like everyone else does cause you can just read my username ;)

(By the way, nothing I say is ever meant to hurt you. I give constructive criticism and you may take what you want from t. :)

Let's just jump right into this one! :)

First thing's first! I'm going to go line-by-line.

Line One. What the hell is "insect air?"
Line Two. What's being eaten, the tree or the air?

Line Three. Imagination grew on the tree, right? Is that what the leaves are made of?
Line Four. Are the leaves made of these worlds? I dunno, three and for kinds jumble me up and I'm losing touch of what this poem is about.

Line Five. Was there a lapse in time here? It seems like the first half could be a flashback, Am I right?
Line Six. Why are you hiding?

Line Seven. I actually closed my eyes at this part and tried to imagine your wonderland for myself. :)
Line Eight. I really love how you concluded the poem, regardless of the prior confusion.

Next up, We'll go through each stanza as a whole.

Stanza One. I legitimately did not understand any of this stanza. You may want to consider serious revision to clear it up some.

Stanza Two. I understood a good chunk of this. It seems that you're reminiscing about a past that was happy, but you're sad because you no longer have the "leaves."

Stanza Three. Is this poem about growing up? It seems that you're discussing how, as one gets older, life becomes more and more monotonous.

Stanza Four. Hitting us with hope for the future is a very nice ended done in a unique way. Is this last stanza about dreaming, like while you sleep, your imagination is rejuvenated?

I would now like to address grammatical revision.

Throughout the poem, you completely neglected to use any capital letters. Was this on purpose? Other than that, I haven't noticed any other errors as far as grammar goes.

Let's finish up with final thoughts and a grade.

Overall, the message is a bit hazy, but this has massive potential to be an amazing poem! Don't worry, with a little bit of work and a touch up or two here-and-there, It'll be just fine. :)
Overall....4/5 Keep it up, you can make this sooooo much better. :)

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ReadingFreak says...

The trees are being eaten, of course. The leaves are his/her various thoughts, which are also like different worlds which he/she has kept alive through stories. I think you should not rate poems just like that, especially if you haven't understood the meaning. Of course, the poet is not gonna take it into regard anyways.

niteowl says...

Thanks for reviewing! This was initially inspired by the prompt "the trees of our imagination cry in the insect air" from the lovely Random Poetic Line Generator (check it out at the bottom of any YWS page!). I took this to mean that imagination gets choked on by reality and the pressures of growing up, and that's what the poem is about. It seems like you got the main idea, even if you were confused about some lines. Thanks again! :)

ghost223 says...

Please never give up

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1080 Reviews

Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

Thu Jan 26, 2017 10:37 am
Kaylaa wrote a review...

This is Nikayla here for a review!

I'm not one who's too knowledgeable when it comes to things like meter, but I think it works well for this poem. Originally in the workshop pad, I thought this had been longer at one point, but perhaps you ended up cutting a slab of it out? Nonetheless, let's jump right into the review of this poem.

The first two lines in the poem are a little weird in their wording, and I think that's something I like about the poem. It gives off a strong and surreal atmosphere without going on and on in terms of the length of the poem. Something that I wanted to point out is the wording of the first line, "the trees of my imagination wail", which is quite odd, and I'm here wondering what the trees of the speaker's imagination are.

Are they ones that crowd up their mind? We see that the trees are eaten alive and ravaged by time, which I suppose this means "the trees" or the speaker's imagination is slipping away to reality and time, things that clash with imagination. What an interesting way to get that message across.

Onto the next two lines, the first line is fine and I think it's the stronger of the two of this stanza, but the last line feels a little off. Maybe that's because I find worlds and stories to be a bit of the same thing but I know the difference and I know what you're trying to refer to, it's just a weird line that I'm not the fondest of. Jumping into the third set of lines, I get a new sense of understanding the meaning in the poem.

Maybe imagination trees stop growing in the speaker's mind eventually, but that's not what I'm interpreting it to be here. We see them saying that they're too old for "imagination" which you can really cut down in your mind to just that they've grown up and have been told that they're too old to be doing something like writing stories. These lines are really strong and vivid for me, and I think they might be my favorite out of the poem.

Finally, the last set of lines. These ones give a lot of context when it comes to the whole metaphor and it does a good job at wrapping it up. We see that the speaker is the one to plant seeds or to plant the imagination trees and maybe they want the trees for their leaves or fruit, or are the trees in themselves the stories and worlds that the speaker is trying to create? That's something that I was wondering on at the end of this, but nonetheless, it's a strong end to the poem and it pulls everything together nicely.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

niteowl says...

Thanks for the review! It does feel shorter than it did after the workshop, even though I don't remember cutting anything, just changing a few words. Weird.

Also, I think you're right about the weakness of the second stanza, but I don't really have any great ideas for making it better.

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Points: 319
Reviews: 40

Thu Jan 26, 2017 6:51 am
MeAndMyThoughts wrote a review...

Hello there. I hope to give a fair review.

I believe the poem doesn't give us a bigger meaning to .understand, but the way it is written is what's important. Not much to say, except that I didn't understand 'insect air'. Sorry. Also, 'for imagination trees' is kind of weird. Maybe you can rephrase it, and it shouldn't be a problem as the poem doesn't follow a rhythm. One more thing, why you used 'drones'? If you would have used 'bees', it would have rhymed, and scientifically it's also correct. But of course, science matters less here. Sorry if you are demotivated by my words. I don't mean to do it. Hope it was of help.

niteowl says...

Thanks for reviewing! As for the rhyming/lack thereof, it's a choice. I normally choose to write in free verse, and having one couplet rhyme when none of the others do would be strange. And "drones" are the word for male bees so it is correct! :)

I also thought the larger meaning was clear, about losing your imagination as you grow up and get caught up in "the real world". The "insect air" bit came from the original prompt "the trees of our imagination cry in the insect air". I took it to mean air that was so choked up with pests it was hard to breathe, but it's definitely open to interpretation. Thanks again!

If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion.
— Noam Chomsky