Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
tell me darling,
do you smell my perfume
on your sheets
from the nights you swore
that you belonged to me?
tell me darling,
do you see my hair
cascading from its updo
as you took me to bed?
tell me darling,
do you hear her name
slipping from your lips
while you were on top of me
and i knew the truth?
tell me darling,
do you taste the wine
from the glass you never finished?
tell me darling,
do you feel my stilettos
digging into the grass above your grave
in the place where angels cry and devils dance?
A/N: This was a poem from a NaPo challenge where we had to express a certain mood. Mine was "macabre". Lack of capitalization is an intentional stylistic choice.
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140,852 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Wow! La Femme Fatal! That is indeed a very powerful poem and very well expressed.
Nothing fancy, but what a powerful punch! Poor fellow was fantasizing about another woman while having congress with this wench? That is a very dangerous thing to do. Under the emotional fervor of the moment we men seem to sometimes suffer from Tourettes syndrome.
I like the way that you use irony via the repetition of the word "darling"which of course isn't really sincere. I like how the poem gradually builds up to a crescendo. Of course by the end of the poem the reader already knows that there is anger involved and doesn't take the"darlings"as expressions of endearment.
I wasn't sure why he failed to finish his glass of wine when I read it. She could have told him to leave immediately. Then again she could have poisoned him. But the stiletto at the end indicates that she stabbed him.
As readers, of course, we look for meaning. So that is the purpose of the following questions. The last stanza where she is jabbing at his grave I concluded that she can't be actually digging at the place that he is buried because that would involve insanity. So it must be symbolic. The last line left me wondering: Where exactly is this place where angels weep and devils dance?
Thanks for reviewing! To answer your questions, he didn%u2019t finish the wine because she poisoned him. I thought this was clear from the last stanza where she%u2019s standing on his grave, but maybe I can think of how to clarify that. This %u201Cplace%u201D is referring to Hell, where she assumes he is. She%u2019s not digging, but rather standing there, asking if he remembers his life and if he can feel her presence in the afterlife. Thanks for reading!
Wow this poem is amazing and in depth as I reached the final line I felt emotions come over me.
What line(s) stand out to you the most?
do you feel my stilettos
digging into the grass above your grave
in the place where angels cry and devils dance?
These lines even though they are only 3 lines they say so much especially the final line.
How do you feel after reading this piece?
I feel many emotions I feel as if I want to know the story behind how they got to the point if what seems like no return.
Any questions for the author?
Was there any emotions or personal experiences that intrigued you to write this poem.
Overall fantastic piece of art. True talent!
I honestly look forward to seeing more work from you in the future!
Thanks for reviewing! No this isn%u2019t based on personal experience. I was participating in a jam (basically an informal group writing session where we explore different topics and have some fun) where we were supposed to invoke a certain mood, and I got the prompt %u201Cmacabre%u201D. I think I came up with the last stanza first, and then worked on the backstory to show how she was cheated on and driven to murder. The last line is my fave too. Thanks for reviewing!
Damn, that sent a shiver down my spine.
Absolutely fantastic. One of my favourite lines in this piece.
I think what you have written here certainly evokes a feeling in the reader that is rather unsettling. A feeling macabre, morbid and certainly eerie. I really liked it. There isn't a single line that I would dare retouch. I absolutely loved the flow of the poem. I think it really unsettles me because I'm not sure if I condemn her actions, and that really is terrifying.
Good job!
Cheers.
Thank you!
Wow. You are so talented.
Thank you!