There's No Soul in Retail

Niteowl with the truth, as always.

This is the perfect length, but also I want more of it. Validate my sad retail experience!

Your use of italics for the copypasta retail worker speech is nice because it gives it a surreal feeling, and what about retail isn't surreal?

The GPS stanza is my favorite because it's true. I've said to customers recently, "let me ask my good friend, Google."

I think my only critique of this piece lies in its simplicity. I see that the generated line was "The oceans of the soul vanish beneath the surface." That's a line and a half, man. The rest of your poem doesn't fit the tone of the prompt. I would suggest either tweaking the prompt, or tweaking the rest of the poem to fit the prompt a little more.

You have an opportunity in the GPS stanza to match tone a little more. Instead of "fish and foundation and flowers," you can totally replace it with something that matches the tone of the first line a little more. Get a little more detailed, ridiculous, or flowery. What if they need you to magically know everything about the rainbow scales of fish flowing overhead? Or about the triangle of distance from earth to sun, from sun to moon? Give me a little more here.

This is a tiny little nitpick, but "you don't remember" is a little clunky. Go for the "you forget" instead.

Altogether, I feel validated and not alone in this retail heckscape. Good poem, good job, and I hope you're having a good NaPo. <3

(also, hello, I'm alive!)

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a few things to say about your poem, I'll try to make it short. i will also try and help get this work out the green room.

Let's start.

So I'm happy to say that I couldn't see any thing wrong with this poem, I thought it was written really well and I just loved reading it. I could feel all the emotion you were trying to put across, along with the meaning behind the poem, and I'm glad I got to read this, because I never thought of the job in this light. I thought working in stores was easy, but I was proven wrong with this poem.

I'm glad I got the chance to read and review this poem, and help get it out the green room. I thought it was really well written, and I loved everything about it, to the meaning to the emotion. I hope you will keep writing and posting on YWS! Have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix.
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

I really liked the message of the poem and how marketing and retail are currently. The poem while short still delivers a powerful message.

I also find the lines of dialogue interesting.The italics are also very neat

Hey, 1nspire here for a review!

I liked the point of view of this poem; people take workers for granted often and it’s interesting to read from that perspective. I’ve never though my about how hard it must be for people working in stores (it seems like a simple job), so this poem made me look at the career in a new way.

I think that capitalizing a few of the lines (for example the first in the second and third stanzas) was would improve the piece grammatically.

Other than that, great work!