only the trees remember now
when these asphalt arteries were clogged
with metal and rubber and honking horns,
back when the shouting beasts
believed the fossils of the dead
were theirs to burn.
only the trees remember the storms,
when winter slipped away
and water raged onto the roadways.
whimpering, the shouting beasts
ran to higher ground, praying it would save them.
their echoes remain
in concrete and steel,
bones and bricks
and plastic and glass.
they decay over decades
as the rain keeps falling
and swamps and grasses and forests
reclaim their rightful crown.
only the trees remember
how they almost lost the earth.
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137,849 Literary Works • 672,069 Reviews
This was a beautiful poem. I Think that the flow was nice. One hing I would recommend though is that you should capitalize the first letter in each line. I think that how you describe the world in your poem is beautiful. I really felt what you said it was amazing. I could really visulize that you were saying. Overall you did a really good job niteowl! Overall I think it was great and I hope to read more of your work soon!
Greetings niteowl!
Today I'll be reviewing this work of yours.
BEGINNING:
The start of the is quite critical as these are the lines that catch attention of the readers and decide whether they further wish to continue reading your work. It is eye-catching and thus your job is done! Very few manage to do that, so hats-off to you!
CONCEPT:
Amazing concept. It literally evokes the idea of how we have brutally destroyed nature for our own selfish motives.
DESCRIPTION:
Very well described, beautifully written. Your selection of words depict the increasing pollution created by the selfish men today.
ENDING:
Ending is great and not abrupt like the ones written by others. The Ending should be the best to catch the attention of the readers and well, you have done a great job at that, too!
Nothing much to criticize, I liked your free verse style too. You don't have to make efforts for creating rhyme words and so its easy to write. The capitalization scheme, *no-caps-at-all* is something I wish you could reconsider it. Using other capitalization schemes could have given a better effect (I suppose, not sure though).
Overall, it was good. Good luck, keep writing:)
-Arzoo
WOOOOOOOOW!!! I LOVE THIS POEM! IT'S SO CLEAN AND FRESH TO MY EAR!!
It's so calm. When I read it, I felt so enlightened. I felt like I was in the forest or something. It's so environmental. You mentioned trees, forests, swamp and grasses; but also other stuff like fossils, bones, the elements like: metal and rubber, concrete and steel
Job well done
This is my favorite part:
only the trees remember the storms,
when winter slipped away
and water raged onto the roadways.
whimpering, the shouting beasts
ran to higher ground, praying it would save them.
I can see the image of a rain forest. Raining night, and then there is a storm coming. Of course when it rains, its noisy especially when the rain is hard.
Nice! Nice! Nice! Very nice! Good job, and keep writing