The Silencing

insane

Review

insane wrote a review · Thu Aug 11, 2016 4:44 pm

Damn you can really feel empathy with the girl,I think that's down to the lyrical structure of the poem.
I like how you have two contrasting leas characters,I think this helps emphasise both the character traits.
The rude judge is rude and dislikable therefore we feel pity for the poor singer!
"don't worry I wont sing anymore" is such a powerful line,it makes you feel like something precious has been broken.
My only nit pick is the lack of capital letters,especially when using I.
The other thing I like and I don't k ow wether its intentional or not but we never actually know wether she was a good singer and maybe this might change the outlook of the poem.
When she says "I can sing I swear" she might be saying this in a very full of herself way.This would mean the antagonist and the protagonist would change and maybe we feel sorry for the judge who has had a brat come and demand to sing !
Anyway great poem and i love the style you've written it in,maybe you could try and write a dialogue between someone whose being executed and god ??

niteowl

niteowl replied · Fri Aug 12, 2016 2:41 pm

Thank you! That's an interesting perspective. In my thinking, the singer is someone who has struggled to be heard over louder voices. I used the lack of caps to show a softness and lack of self-confidence compared to the judge, who is expressed in standard grammar. You may want to read Capitalization in Poetry to learn about the different ways poets can use capitalization in their poetry.

As for your dialogue idea, it's definitely interesting, but I don't know if I have any inspiration to write it just now. If you want to work with it, I'd be happy to read!

Thanks again for the review!

Lightsong

Review

Lightsong wrote a review · Thu Aug 11, 2016 3:10 pm

The feels! Anyway, I'm here to leave a quick review.

The one major thing that attracts me to love this poem is it consists of conversations, which means I'm spared from having to imagine some vivid imagery (not that I despise them, it's just that some times I would like to read a poem in one go and have full understanding of what it means).

Okay, so I can see what you do with the two speakers here. The first one is timid, trying to prove his or herself, and well, feeling insecure, basically. You don't just show it through his or her dialogue, but also by the capitalization of letters. The lowercase letters doesn't really focus on his or herself, and seems weak in comparison with the other demanding, accusing person who is portrayed to speak in correct letter capitalization.

I wonder why the singer's trying to convince the other, or trying to win the other's heart. The other doesn't deserve that. Just, oh my god.

You don't deserve one.
Get some Autotune.

This is basically saying the singer doesn't deserve to be heard. It's cruel but effective way to silence someone. And then the Autotune reference. I didn't know what it means until I search it up and it just pushes the cruelness of the other, saying the singer needs some help to 'adjust' his or her voice... Urgh.

Wouldn't help much.
I can't believe you would lie to me,
claiming you could sing.

I don't understand why is the other so bothered with this. I don't even know if the other can say something like this, like justifying it.

Well, i think this poem delivers the emotions excellently. Admittedly, the cruel one stands out more to me because every word after the Star Spangled Banner is just trying to pierce me in the wrong way. I feel sympathetic to the singer, and I think the singer's strongest lines are in the last stanza, because at that point my heart is broken.

And that is all! Keep up the good job!