The more put together among us
get them clipped neatly
and swept in the garbage.
Us neurotics may bite, pick, or file them away,
wishing that we could deal with them as neatly
as our friends who always have fresh nail polish
and never cry in public.
Yet all of us forget
that they were alive once,
as much a part of our bodies
as our organs, as our skin, as our neurons.
They protected us,
defended our fragile fingers,
and yet we think only of disposing them.
A/N: Another product of Audy's poetry fun nights. Link to me reading this (despite my cold haha) here: http://vocaroo.com/i/s0SzxTZ5jOzj
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
128,927 Literary Works • 671,501 Reviews
Hey niteowl, Gravity here for a review on this lovely review day! I am on a brand new computer with a brand new keyboard, so please excuse any typos
Okay, so the first thing I would like to cover is concept. I absolutely love this. I never thought about how a person's fingernails can really reflect who they are as a person, I think it's really interesting that you took such a seemingly insignificant part of the body and used it to make a statement. Now, thinking back, I can remember when authors highlighted the fingernails of a character, the most prevalent of which being John Green in TFiOs, when he describes her dark blue fingernails.
Below, Cynder mentioned how "Us neurotics" sounded wrong. Grammatically, "Us neurotics" technically is wrong, it is one of the most common grammar mistakes people make while writing and while speaking. It is supposed to be "We neurotics". It sounds odd, yes, but I thought it might flow better. For example, "We girls understand the pain of high heels." Things like that.
I really really like this. I like how simple this poem is. You use fingernails to describe personalities, the people who neatly clip theirs as having their lives together, while the people with ragged nails being nervous etc. It reminds me of Forrest Gump when he says you can know a lot about a person by their shoes. You can know a lot about a person from their fingernails.
Anyhow, great concept, other than that teensy grammar error there was nothing else that bothered me. Great Job!!!!
-Grav
Okay, @niteowl , You are still one of my favorite writers. Totally not favortism, so, shhh.
Anyway, I loved stanza two because I can relate. My sister bites her nails constantly. She also picks them. Constantly.
Continuing on, I'm not sure I agree with the phrase "Us neurotics." I love the word neurotic but I don't like us. I feel like it takes away from the poem. When I read it, it just doesn't seem to fit, you know?
I'm also not sure about... neurons. You could say they are a part of us and they... grew with us? Neurons are on an atomic scale whereas nails... Well, okay what I'm trying to say and failing is that you are referring to nails as an object, not what's in them. I get that you were talking about what's in the body, but that kind of goes off-topic for the poem I think. That's why I like the idea of "they grow with us."
Other than that, I love it. A poem about simple things. Well done. xD
~Cynder out.