WARNING: BRIDGE MAY BE ICY
Funny, it didn't seem so slippery
back in September.
I should have noticed
when people stopped asking how I was,
when they stopped inviting me to lunch.
CLEARANCE: 14 FT. 10 IN.
I never understood the purpose
of those signs. You see them
far too late to turn the semi around.
Just like I didn't know I couldn't fit in my cubicle
until they handed me a box and a list of reasons.
I fall down under the weight of
I should have known.
I am scarred by the feeling that
I should have turned the truck around,
even though I didn't see the signs
until I crashed into them.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,790 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review on Review Day!
I almost feel if I've read this before? Is this from a jam or workshop perhaps? The whole poem is way too familiar for me to have not read this before. Is this a new draft even? Maybe I'm thinking of another poem, though I could've swore that I read this in the past. Anyway, delving right in to the actual content, I have weird emotions about this poem. I am incredibly impacted by the theme and I enjoy the piece quite a bit, though I still feel there's something missing. The beginning and ending stanzas hit hard here, though I'm not sure if I can say the same about the second.
Lacks the impact that the other two have for me. I also wanted to note that the opening is a little odd aesthetically? Maybe 'Warning: Bridge may be icy.' or capitalizing with 'Bridge May Be Icy' might be stronger instead. That's more of a personal preference and doesn't have much to do with the content or enjoyment of the poem. The first handful of lines aren't why I love the last stanza so much. In fact, I'm going to suggest experimenting or playing around with them.
The last two lines in particular are what hit hard and made the lasting impact on the reader because of the double-meaning. There's the physical sense of crashing and the metaphorical sense of seeing the signs. I just now remembered from your wallpost--this is from NaPo! That's where I read this. Overall Nite, this is pretty solid! The tone shifts a little in the second stanza and at times, this isn't as strong as I'd like, though in whole I liked this (and especially the themes) quite a bit.
If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.
Hey there niteowl,
Myjaspercat here to review your poem
Nit-Picks
Overall thoughts
Alright, for the most part I really liked this poem. For me, it was confusing and yet very beautiful. I like how you had a couple of different ideas that in the end you tied it all into one. One complaint I have is the repetition of "I" in the last stanza, but I know it's a staple to the wording so that's ok. Other then that. Good job. Good luck and continue writing.
Hey there! HBC racing by with a review.
Wow! This was a good one. Is the speaker in this poem dead? And talking about how he died? By ignoring the signs? The first impression of this poem was Oh my gosh, this guy is dead and has no idea. Like a ghost going through life having no idea why no one talks to him anymore. Its a little sad.
The only criticism I have is that there could be a little more information in here. I think that you should maybe add a little bit to it to make it even better.
Good job! Have a wonderful day!