A/N: This is my entry for the latest ToC round (see here), which has us create a fictional color and incorporate it into our entry. The color above is a greenish shade of regret, which I created in Paint as a custom color with the following parameters: Hue: 42, Sat: 74, Lum: 94, R: 128, G: 131, B: 69. There are other shades of Regret, just as there are other shades of blue or red, but this is the one that makes the most sense to me at the moment.
Its base layer is pink,
the flush of blood to your face
when you take that misstep
and you know the world is watching.
Oh what have I said?
Next comes the pale green
of nausea, as your stomach
churns and churns
like it could turn back time.
Oh what have I done?
Next it smothers you in a black room
that holds your mind hostage,
reminding you that your life is nothing more
than a series of mistakes.
Oh how will I live?
But time turns all memories gray
and you know that the flush,
the nausea,
the sleeplessness,
has colored your life.
If you could not regret, you would
never say,
never do,
never live.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Hi, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful review day.
Theme: I really like the theme you have. It tells a nice story wrapped in a turmoil of complex emotions which you describe using colours. I really could connect to the poem, because the story behind it is felt by many people. Great job.
Description: The description over all is great since you did use colours a lot, but I feel that the last stanza was lacking the description that the other stanzas had. Maybe just add a few colours describing the nausea and sleeplessness. My favourite part had to be the end lines (If you could not regret, you would
never say,
never do,
never live.) They sum up the poem really well and leave me happy and satisfied.
Grammar and punctuation: As far as I can see I can't find any grammar or punctuation mistakes, but I could be wrong.
Small problems: (Next it smothers you in a black room) I feel like it would read better if you replaced (Next) with (Then) It would also help with a bit of repetitiveness since the last stanza started with (Next) too.
Over all a great poem and I look forward to the next one. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Wow, what a relatable poem! The colors you picked were so spot on. I love the idea that regret colors our lives. Really well done.
Thanks!
hey there,
I guess you have done quite a good job with choosing colours...using the perfect words with the perfect sync is an art and I suppose you are really good at it... personally I consider brown to be the colour of regret...but pale green has also done the work just fine for me.... but anyway...I like the concept of "REGRET HAVING DIFFERENT SHADES OF COLOUR"
congratulations for this work its really good
Thanks! The challenge was to make up a fictional color, which was definitely challenging! That's why I was thinking of blending different colors together to make a shade of regret.
I like this poem it is really good. But, I want to give a few suggestions:
1. "But time turns all memories gray" I think this line would be better if you added a comma after the word but. If someone read this out loud the comma would show them to add a slight pause after. This would put more emphasis on what you are trying to say.
2. "has colored your life" What if you put a period at the end of this sentence? because this poem has correct punctuation, having a period at the end of this sentence would make this a little more fitting. Then, you could also put a comma at the end of "and" in your next sentence to again, add a bit of emphasis.
Other than this, You did a really good job. You were able to use the colors to make an image. Keep up the great work!!!!
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Thanks for reviewing! I don't really agree with the idea of adding a comma after a conjunction like "but" or "and", but I did like your second suggestion, so I split up the sentence. Thanks again!
That's ok if you don't agree. You did a great job though. well done buddy