Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Chapter 67: The Dark Past
Crap... That hurt. My true self was there for the world to see. How embarrassing.
‘Funny, you are worried about embarrassing yourself after getting smoked by those two.’
“Oh, shut it. I’ll admit that you were smart, but I didn’t get smoked. And shouldn’t you be crying about his death?”
‘Oh please, you forgot to use smite. My brother can revive the dead if they aren’t smited, so the only casualty was Mammon, and even then, he caught you, and still administered the phrase. Oh, and they can revive him as you didn’t use smite then, either.’
“You little cheater!”
‘What? All’s fair in love and war.’
“You think you are so funny, don’t you.”
‘I like to think so. I mean, it’s even funnier that if you continued to administer energy to me, you actually would have won that fight, but oh wait! If you do that, I’ll slowly kill you from the inside. What fun, eh?’
“I hate you.”
‘Oh, don’t be like that, self-hate is a bad thing.’
“I liked it better when you were screaming.”
‘Eh, I loved the part when they started to sympathize with you. You were blushing so much! Hahaha!’
“SHUT UP!!!”
Rose hadn’t stopped harassing me for the entire flight.
‘Goodness, seeing your true memories, your world is amazing. Why destroy it?’
“Shut it.”
‘Shhh I’m reading T*nsura.’
“What?”
‘If your story were made into a webnovel or a light novel, what would it be called?’
“Shut up.”
‘I reincarnated as a stuck up *****. Nah, ooh, I reincarnated as a ***hole. Nah, not literal enough.’
“Will you shut up?!”
‘Nah... that wouldn’t be a good name. OOH Reincarnated as the weakest god.’
“...”
‘...’
“I would probably actually watch that.”
‘Same.’
…
“Hungry.”
‘Wanna see if there’s a nearby butcher?’
“Yeah, I have money. Wonder if they have a winery?”
‘Should.’
We watched Swo*d art o*line season 1 while eating.
“As far as I saw there were only 2 seasons.”
‘Cool.’
“I hope they didn’t continue it; it was fine as is.”
‘Can’t wait to watch season 2.’
“Next meal.”
Somehow, both of us being weebs allowed us to get along.
Our moral compasses were widely different, but eating and anime were where we were good with each other.
Whenever she’d get bored of prattling, she’d explore my memories and admire the technology and beauty of Earth.
‘I still can’t find why you’d want to destroy it.’
“Eh, I don’t need to explain myself.”
‘Alright... touchy.’
Whatever she viewed I could also see, so she made an effort to avoid the dark ones. Despite what I’ve done to her, she still wanted to make sure I was comfortable... Why?
‘What’s this one?’
“Please don’t touch that.”
‘Okay...’
She moved away, but I could see her looking at that folder. A group of memories that I knew would shatter her view of that world. For some reason, I didn’t want to ruin it.
‘Is it why you want to destroy that world?’
“...”
‘Could I at least see one memory, so I can decide if it’s too negative for me.’
Of course, she could sense my worry.
“... fine, but only one.”
I pulled out a specific memory.
_
“Mom, why are we coming here again?”
“Well, honey, the school is worried about you and wants the doctor to check you.”
“I like that they are concerned about me.”
“Yeah...”
“Mom?”
‘Why is this in the section where it shows what you hate?’
‘Keep watching.’
Me and my mother were in a car, heading to the psychologist, but I thought it was a normal doctor visit. I was honest with my therapist, and then the school asked my mom to bring me for a scan.
We arrived at the office and I, at 11, was playing with the toys, I could maintain my attention there, but I would notice the odd looks my mom gave me.
“Hello, Heather, right?”
I looked up.
“That’s me!”
I smiled and stood up. He looked odd, not friendly like the other doctors I got checkups at.
“Could you please follow me?”
I looked to my mother, and she nodded.
I followed the man to a backroom where he did a basic checkup, and he told me to lay down on the mat.
‘What’s going on?’
‘An MRI scan, it checks your brain for many different conditions.’
‘Awesome.’
‘Of course, that knowledge can lead to bad things. Keep watching.’
He pushed the mat into the machine, and I giggled at the weird machine.
Then after a little he pulled me out and checked the results, he seemed to pale a bit, but he kept a straight face.
‘What did he see?’
‘He’ll say it.’
My mother was called in and she sat down, holding me on her lap.
“Alright, so the good news is that she doesn’t have any debilitating diseases.”
My mother breathed a sigh of relief and smiled.
“And the bad news?”
“She has a high level of psychopathy at a scale I’ve never seen.”
My mother’s smile faded, and she put me down.
“What do you mean?”
“She can be classified as highly dangerous; I’d suggest either keeping her under supervision at all times or using high level drugs to calm her.”
“I’m not doing either of that.”
“Mam, calm down.”
“Alright, but listen, I don’t care if she’s a psychopath or not, she’s my kid.”
“Do you not remember why this thing was scheduled? Because she stated that she always checked how easy it would be to hurt someone.”
“Yeah, check! She’s never hurt someone!”
“And how do you know she never will?!”
“Mom? What’s going on? Why is the doctor yelling?”
“Heather honey, you have a... condition that makes people trust you less. I still trust you fully, but others won’t.”
The doctor sighed.
“I guess that was asking too much, but at least give her a tag so people can be cautious.”
“I can... accept that.”
‘What’s psychopathy?’
‘Increased rationale in exchange for empathy.’
‘So, why do they act as though you are some sort of beast?’
‘Because this is a warfaring world that fears those who have the backbone to fight.’
‘So, they were afraid of you because you had decreased empathy?’
‘No, they were scared because they thought I did. At that time, I was a regular kid who simply analyzed people's fighting potential. They thought that meant I was willing to hurt them and didn’t listen to my justification.’
‘What was the justification?’
‘If they attack me, I want to at least have a rough idea of how strong they are and potential counter measures.’
‘That’s logical though. Why would they call that monstrous?’
‘Because they were scared of me.’
‘... could I see another?’
‘Fine...’
I showed her the day of school after that.
“Hey, Heather, what’s with the sticker?”
“Amy, it’s supposed to be something that tells people I’m psycho or something.”
“Cool!”
“Heather’s a psycho?”
Amanda, my friend, looked at me in shock.
“My mom says psychos are scary people.”
“Am I scary?”
“Try spooking us.”
“Boo.”
We all giggled.
‘This is adorable.’
‘Wait and see.’
We entered our homeroom. Then Mrs. Burns spoke,
“Can Heather come to the front of the class please?”
I came up, confused.
“Now, I know some of you may have heard, but Heather was diagnosed with psychopathy.”
Some kids' demeanor changed quickly. Mrs. Burns kept talking,
“So, if you feel at all uncomfortable near her, please tell me, so I can handle it.”
‘WHAT KIND OF PERSON DOES THAT TO A CHILD?!!’
Rose’s anger touched me.
‘Unfortunately, those with psychopathy were treated as monsters in training. Even though most lived normal lives, we were still excommunicated.’
‘That’s horrible...’
‘Yes, it is.’
Rose was thinking about it, so I spoke more.
‘Many of us become therapists as our logical mind allows us to face emotional moments.’
‘Why not fighters? That would be what you would be suited for as well.’
‘They’re too afraid that we’d shoot our own allies.’
‘That’s ridiculous. With more rational, you’d be master strategists.’
‘They are concerned about the decreased empathy part.’
“Mrs. Burns, Heather is making me uncomfortable.”
“Heather, stop it or I’ll report you to the principal.”
“But I didn’t do anything!”
“Heather, I don’t care, you are making him uncomfortable, so stop.”
What was I doing wrong? I continued talking to Amy and she was getting ticked off.
“These people are being jerks for no reason.”
“I don’t know why. They were fine with me until today.”
I was close to crying. Another kid started complaining.
“Mrs. Burns, Heather is bothering me!”
“HEATHER, I TOLD YOU TO STOP!!!”
“HEATHER ISN’T DOING ANYTHING!!!”
Amanda shouted in my defense. I was crying I this point.
“Don’t yell at me, missy. Heather and Amanda, both of you go to the principal’s office.”
Me and Amanda walked down the hall.
“Psychos are supposed to be scary, but these meanies are way more scary.”
I was crying in her arms. Amanda was 12, and she was bigger than the others. She was hugging me when we entered the office.
“The principal will see you now.”
We entered the office, and the principal had a sour face.
“Mr. Davis, people were bullying Heather.”
“Mrs. Burns told me she was harassing them.”
“Because she wasn’t even looking. She was talking to me and Amy, and the others just started whining saying that she was bothering them.”
The principal sighed then he looked at me and his gaze softened.
“I can pardon you and tell Mrs. Burns to learn what happened instead of assuming, but I should tell you that this will happen a lot more. People don’t like those who are different from them.”
“You’re fine with it though.”
“That’s because one of my best friends is a psychopath, he’s a wonderful person that cares immensely, but because of his condition, people type him as a bad guy.”
“Why?”
“Because one of the main conditions of psychopathy requires the person to remain interested in things, if they get too bored, they’ll move onto the next thing.”
“Okay?”
“And sometimes, psychopaths decide to be mean to prevent being bored.”
“But I won’t, I promise.”
“Yeah, I know, but others don’t understand.”
‘At least some people were nice.’
‘Yes, but the worst of it is yet to come.’
‘Could you summarize it?'
‘I tried to become a doctor, but, apparently, they were worried about me deciding to mistreat or stab someone for the heck of it, so they denied me.’
‘That’s stupid. What became of Amy and Amanda?’
‘Despite their parents being wary of me, they remained my friends.’
‘So, why do you want to destroy this world?’
‘Let me show you.’
I showed her the memory that I didn’t want anyone to know, but she was me... She could handle it.
‘This is how I died.’
Chapter 68: Earth
“I can’t wait to get home!”
It was my last day as a junior in high school, and I was ready to start my summer reading list.
Despite being a psychopath, the only people who really disliked me were the colleges who thought I’d kill someone or something stupid like that.
I was walking home when I saw a suspicious person following a woman.
Not sure if he was a threat, I kept them in eyesight, and he got closer.
I saw him draw a knife.
“LOOK OUT!!!”
She looked back and screamed. I tackled the man and fought with him. The woman was in shock.
“Get help!”
She nodded before running off, dialing 911.
I fought with the man before getting control of the knife, realizing I had control, he pulled out a gun, and I stabbed him, but he shot at me.
The bullet hit the blade and it launched into me. Because I stabbed his carotid artery, he started choking on his own blood and bystanders rushed to see if I was okay. Then one noticed my wristband.
He had a look of disgust, and then seemed to get an idea.
“Let’s pull out the knife and put pressure to staunch the bleeding.”
‘That would kill you!!!’
‘That was the point. This guy was aware of that, but the others weren’t.’
I was coughing out blood, so I couldn’t stop them, but they took out the knife and tried to stop the bleeding, but without the knife sealing the wound, they couldn’t stop it, and I heard the ambulance as I breathed my last...
‘So now you see why I want to destroy it?’
‘I do, but could you at least save the good ones?’
‘... I could try.’
‘How long has passed in that world.’
‘I don’t know, here it was a million years. There, it could have been 1 or 1 billion.’
‘I see, where is it? I’ll let you draw on my power.’
‘Alright, let’s see.’
‘Can we even get there?’
‘We can.’
She let me draw on her power and I warped us to the location I knew the world was.
‘Let’s go in.’
‘Not so fast, we need a disguise.’
‘Use draconic shift. We should be able to disguise ourselves that way.’
‘Good idea.’
I disguised myself as a regular human that would easily get lost in a crowd, then we entered.
_
It was just like I remembered it.
I walked up to someone.
“Pardon me, but could you please tell me the date?”
“Oh, no problem, it’s 12/22/23.”
“Wow, Christmas is so close.”
“Yep, better get to gift shopping.”
‘Christmas?’
‘A holiday celebrating the birth of the human manifestation of this world’s God.’
‘This world’s?’
‘Well, I don’t know if He only controls here, but past my judgement, I’ve had no interaction with Him.’
‘Interesting.’
‘Yeah, but I can barely believe it.’
‘What?’
‘It’s only been a month since my death.’
‘Will staying here make us come back in like a thousand years?’
‘No, don’t worry, me being here puts our time at the same scale.’
‘Thank goodness.’
I saw a poster that shocked me.
The Truth of Psychopathy, the Story of Heather Orwitz.
‘Author Amanda Connington.’
‘Yeah.’
‘She told me that she’d be an author, but I never expected this,’
I was tearing up; Amanda wrote a book telling my story. It even had a photo of me smiling.
I entered a bookstore and created some dollars before buying the book.
I sat on a bench and read it. I teared up. She told everything, from when I was diagnosed, to when I was killed.
I read an interview with my mom.
“You know, it was tragic. People suddenly just started hating her. They say that monsters are born, not made. I saw what they did, and I think that she had every right to become a monster, but she didn’t. My baby cared for everyone, and I don’t care what they said, when one of the people who removed the knife to ‘save’ her is a doctor, I think we can classify that as murder, but they won’t talk about it. Why would they? She’s just another number in their book, but not to me... to me, she is my daughter, and... even if she was a psychopath, she was still the most loving person I ever knew.”
I was crying now, then a person walked by.
“Ah, reading that book, huh? Came out this week and already a bestseller.”
“Yeah, it’s sad.”
“It is, people really treated her so horribly.”
“Yeah.”
“I actually knew her... and I hate to admit, but when I did, I wasn’t nice. I wish I could have just apologized before her death, but I guess it’ll have to wait for me to go to the afterlife.”
“I suppose.”
The guy walked off and I moved on.
‘See? People can change.’
‘I... guess...’
‘Let’s go home.’
‘Ye-’
I froze.
Amanda was walking down the street.
‘Is that?’
‘Yes.’
‘Who’s that?’
‘I... don’t know.’
I followed quietly. Keeping quiet as the man got closer.
He pulled a gun.
“Look out!!!”
Amanda turned as the man shot, but I was faster than a bullet.
I caught it.
“What? Who?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, who are you?”
“A fan of your book.”
The man was in fact a woman.
“Hey, *****, I don’t know what kind of magic trick that was, but unless you want to get shot, move.”
“You really think you can hurt me?”
The woman shot, and the bullet bounced off of me.
“WHAT THE ****?!”
“Ms. Amanda, get the authorities.”
“G-got it.”
She was terrified, after all, she saw me take a bullet to the head with no damage.
“Now for you. Don’t try anything.”
“U-understood.”
She put her hands behind her, and the cops arrived to arrest her.
“We received notice that someone was also shot.”
“Yeah, that was me.”
“Mam, you aren’t hurt.”
“Yep.”
“So, who actually- HOLY ****”
I took the ladies gun and shot myself in the face.
The bullet bounced off.
“What... just happened?”
“She’s a monster!!!”
“Yes, I am, so what? I just saved Mrs. Amanda’s life, thank you very much.”
Amanda looked at me in confusion.
“You... seem familiar somehow.”
“I get that.”
I started walking quickly.
‘Why don’t you tell her...’
‘Because, if she knew what I became. The monster I am... she would hate me.’
‘...’
‘Let’s just go home.’
We returned to the world I made, and I sat in Understanding’s castle.
I cried.
Rose didn’t jeer.
Chapter 69: To Form a Legion
”Is he awake?”
A voice I thought was gone awoke me.
“Mammon?”
“Yes, it’s me. Elren came and revived both me and you. Are you okay?”
“I can’t move.”
Elren spoke up.
“Yeah, I could revive you, but your body sustained injuries to the point that I couldn’t heal you fully.”
“Understandable, I fought a god.”
“Yeah, though the real damage actually came from the way you fought.”
“What?”
“You seemed to... level up in strength and fight on par with Kala. Your body couldn’t handle the stress and started breaking down.”
“Huh, I seem to remember Rose going through the same thing.”
“Yeah, but Rose had the solution to evolve, as you are an elf, you can’t.”
Celios spoke up from the side of the room I couldn’t see.
“Actually, that’s not entirely true.”
“What do you mean?”
“If a god regards one of their own in high regard, then they can elevate them to a new level.”
“So, we can evolve Dallel if we get the nature god to bless him?”
“Yes.”
I then heard Jalad’s voice.
“Hey, is he awake? Oh, hey, happy to see you awake.”
“Jalad.”
“Yes?”
“I’m... sorry... I said horrible things to you.”
I couldn’t help but start crying.
“Nah, I also messed up. I put too much pressure on you and started yelling.”
“Nowhere near as bad as I did, then I abandoned you because I was angry.”
Mammon sighed.
“Ya did some stupid things, but keep in mind that Kala amplified your emotions.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I did a bit of reading and found a book written by an unknown author called the Magic of Lies. Apparently, it gives power over others’ perceptions.”
“Is that why she was able to scare me and Jalad?”
Mammon nodded at Celios’s question.
“But why was I unaffected?”
“Because your will was at the same level as hers. Your will to save Rose was bigger than her will to make you afraid.”
“Huh.”
“Yeah, that was the start of your ascension.”
“How long was I out?”
“Two weeks.”
“Any sign of Kala?”
“No, it’s like she entirely disappeared.”
“Crap.”
“Hey, don’t move too much.”
“If I’m going to get the blessing of the nature god, I can’t stay here.”
“Where are you going then?”
“Haven.”
Celios nodded.
“I’ll come with you. Both Silith and Ausar are in that direction, I need to tell them of Kala’s true nature.”
“Got it.”
“We’re coming too.”
It was the squad.
“What? Why?”
“Even if it was a rage induced decision, you are still our captain until you die or resign, so we got to make sure you live to retirement.”
“I’ll stay here and keep the city organized. People still don’t know what to do.”
“How is the king?”
“He’s panicking and trying to track Kala.”
“Understandable.”
I got up, wincing at the pain, and Darsen caught me.
“First we need to get proper transportation, with you as you are, you can’t move.”
Then Thalia entered.
“I could carry you.”
I nodded.
“Thank you.”
She gave me a piggyback as we got closer to the gate.
People still looked at me angered and I hid my face.
“Goodness, it’s Calesen all over again.”
“Except this time there’s no excuse.”
“What?”
“Sure, Kala amplified my emotions, but they were still my emotions, my thoughts. She just gave a push.”
Jalad sighed.
“Yeah, you are right, but I let my concern get the better of me and snapped at you.”
“That doesn’t justify what I said.”
When we got to the gate, we noticed King Dalis.
“Well, Cousin, I wish you luck.”
Thalia was confused.
“Cousin?”
Dalis nodded,
“Yes, I am a quarter elf after all.”
“Ah, that makes sense.”
“I hope… that we can save Rose.”
“I do too.”
We left and Thalia transformed into a dragon and carried us.
Then we heard a shout and someone running.
“Is that?”
“No way!”
Asura was running a long at the same speed as Thalia was flying.
“HEY!!! MIND IF I JOIN THIS EXPEDITION?”
Thalia seemed to shake for a moment.
“S-sure…”
“WONDERFUL!!! CAN I MOUNT?”
“Of course!”
‘THANK YOU, RUNNING THIS FAST IS HARD.”
He leapt up to Thalia’s height and landed next to me.
“How are you all doing today?”
I smiled.
“Tired but good.”
I noticed that Thalia was a slightly brighter shade of red.
“Heh.”
“What are you laughing about?"
“Fine weather isn’t it, Thalia.”
“Shut up.”
“???”
“???”
Everyone else was oblivious.
_
We flew over a city where there was a massive temple.
“Hey, Thalia, land here, it’s Silith’s city, we should speak to him… Darsen may want to wait outside though.”
“Why?”
“Silith is Ausar’s enemy, so he isn’t fond of Beastkin either.”
“I’m not scared.”
Celios looked at him with annoyance.
“Fine.”
Thalia landed at the gate causing people to freak out, but then she shifted back into an elven figure, still holding me.
“Um… name and business?”
“Celios, me and my party want to speak to Silith if he is here.”
“I’m going to need proof you are Celios, and besides, you’re forsaken, Lord Silith wouldn’t want anything to do with you.”
Celios sighed and released his aura. People quivered in fear, but the guard merely nodded.
“Godly aura, check. Wings, check. Okay, you can enter, but I doubt Lord Silith will speak to you.”
We entered, then Celios said something odd.
“That guard was fun to talk too.”
“He’s probably used to Silith’s aura.”
“Probably, speak of the devil.”
“Hello brother.”
Silith was behind us.
“Hello, I need to ta-“
He blocked Silith’s blade, they fought with no power but pure technique.
Then they stopped and Silith laughed.
“I see you haven’t lost your touch.”
“I’ve continued to train.”
“Good, anyways what do you want to talk about?”
Celios’s look immediately darkened.
“Could we talk in your office, where less will hear?”
“Fine, but can we leave the pet outside?”
He looked at Darsen with disdain. Celios sighed.
“Now you see why I said it’d be better for you to wait with Thalia?”
“Nah, I wanna explore the city. Come on guys.”
He and most of the squad left to explore. Silith looked confused.
“That’s an odd wolf.”
“Indeed, he is.”
Me, Thalia, and Celios followed Silith into his temple where we entered his office.
“So, mind telling me why you are here?”
“Kala is not the god of goodness.”
Silith sighed.
“I thought she dominated you, doesn’t that show that she retur-“
“No, she never was.”
That caught Silith’s attention, he released a bit of his aura.
“And what does that mean.”
Despite the presence that made both me and Thalia shiver, Celios showed no fear of his brother.
“She is the god of lies, the ‘rightness’ her aura creates is what she made it feel like. I was forced to fight her again with the help of the crippled elf, and her aura became fear.”
Silith looked deep in thought.
“I don’t want to believe you, but that would explain that strange aura I felt from the direction of Selethon. And that sense of fear I would feel whenever she was mad despite me being stronger.”
“Indeed, I didn’t want to believe it either, but she tried to kill an archangel.”
“I see, but aren’t you dominated? I can see the brand still.”
“A trick that Purity made. She used the incantation without the power and used fire magic to scar me with a brand.”
“So, Purity managed to fool even herself.”
“Yes.”
“She was the core; therefore, I could definitely see her outsmarting, but why would she?”
“She was named.”
“That means.”
“She’s still independent.”
That surprised me.
“Wait, so Royce naming her allowed her to stay alive despite Kala’s awakening?”
Silith nodded.
“I’ll tell my faction. I assume your next visit is to the weakling kingdom?”
“Yes, our next visit is to the beast kingdom as Ausar also needs to be aware of this.”
Silith sighed.
“I agree, and if there is an actual threat, the being they summoned from another world could help.”
“I agree.”
We left and gathered the squad.
“Did you know that someone tried to sell me ice cream for 1000 gold? What a scam!!!”
Darsen was ticked off.
“Oh, I got it for 10 silver.”
“GRAH!!!”
Points:
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Hello Again, My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...
What The Black Eyes See...
Oh wow, we get to explore Kala's memories with Rose and they are even sadder and darker than I would have guessed! It added so much to her character, and especially after the short-lived trip to Earth, it created a very unexpected emotional moment in the story. Delving back into Dallel's side of the story, there's still a sense of uncertainty surrounding Rose, the fate of Kala, and what's going to happen next. Let's get into the details though.
Where The Dagger Points...
I don't have anything to complain about! Great writing job!
Why The Grin Widened...
First...
Ooo, the sass. Yes, Rose, make it miserable for her! >:D Also, seeing Rose pick up on facets of Earth from Kala's memory is also an interesting and amusing thing to see.
This made me laugh, as well as the explanation of Rose and Kala being able to get along just by watching anime. The odd tense relationship between them, where they taunt each other yet also avoid making it too uncomfortable for each other is a very interesting change. And as Rose explores concepts of Earth, and Kala refuses to delve too deeply into the idea, you also can't help wondering the specific reasons why Kala wants to destroy it all, if that really is her goal.
And of course, learning about Kala's past life; the life of Heather and her struggles was such a shock and a sobering moment in the story. I love how you wrote in her and Rose's dialogue along with it, as the live reactions just made it feel more vivid and added to the impact, or so I thought. And the final memory where Heather is intentionally killed after saving somebody is absolutely heartbreaking.
Returning to Earth, I'm fascinated by imagining Rose as a typical modern-day human. And as they walk around, this...
This was an amazing moment that made everything feel even more uncertain.
Kala/Heather's reaction to the book made everything feel so emotional and you nailed the tone very well, and saving Amanda, I love how she made a point to show that she was a monster and dared them to speak. You can tell that was just such an intense moment for her given the way she died and the kinds of emotions that triggered. Loved that whole chapter a lot.
As for the following chapter --yay, Mammon and Dallel are alright!!
Anyway, reading things from this perspective was great, especially with the timeskip. Not only is it great to hear from these characters, but it adds more uncertainty to the fate and plans of Kala and Rose, and how these guys will react to what happened in the meantime.
That especially --two weeks, and nothing?? Intruiging <.<
Dallel's quest to receive a god's favor has my attention, especially since it sounds like we'll be catching up with Silith and Ausar. Wonder what happened to them! Wonder if Kala's recent actions impacted them. Hm...Thalia will make an interesting teammate, and of course...
Yesss, Asura is back! And already making me laugh with his typical behavior XD This is bound to be an amusing quest!
I forgot Thalia had a crush on him! Oh man how will this end?? XD
Most of Silith and his area was as I would have expected -unwelcoming to Darsen, skeptical of Celios, and seemingly somewhat afraid of Kala. Nevertheless it was great to read, and one big question lingers; what can they do to stop Kala if it comes to that, and if it requires alliances to be formed, can Ausar and Silith (and Celios tbh) get along enough to make it?
Still I really don't know what's going to happen next and I love that!
Our
MadThoughts...Overall, that was another great chapter! Nicely done!
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the terrifying S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Kala’s-Heather’s-past has been brought to light, making Rose gain sympathy for her. The two travel to Heather’s world to get a big idea of Heather’s life.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that you meant to say “along” for Asura running, but that’s just one little thing.
Chocolate Bar - Heather’s past…I feel bad for her. She was treated so differently after she got diagnosed, as if she were a completely different person. It was all just stigma against her illness, and completely unfair. Why she is the way she is has been understandable.
Closing Graham Cracker - Heather’s past has been revealed, and the others are gaining more knowledge on who they are dealing with, and Rose might be slightly on board with Heather’s plans, but only slightly.
I wish you a beautiful day/night! ^v^
Hey there. I admittedly haven't read the other parts up to this part, and I do apologize for that. With that in mind, all I can and will comment on is what I read on this page, without much external context. That being said, and I think this is a highly positive thing, I got an understanding of the relationship between the characters who were speaking to one another. For instance, a lot of my favorite sort of dialogue is when the characters tease each other and poke fun, but it comes off as stemming from a positive relationship as opposed to being just mean spirited.

"‘If your story were made into a webnovel or a light novel, what would it be called?’
“Shut up.”
‘I reincarnated as a stuck up *****. Nah, ooh, I reincarnated as a ***hole. Nah, not literal enough.’
“Will you shut up?!”
‘Nah... that wouldn’t be a good name. OOH Reincarnated as the weakest god.’
“...”
‘...’
“I would probably actually watch that.”
‘Same.’"
I think this is a good example of what I described. We have a bit of a playful tension at the start of this, but it ends on them agreeing in a very dry, matter of fact way (Something that does tickle me, I enjoy things like that)
The only thing I disliked, and this is entirely subjective, is just how split up the lines are. We get a single line of dialogue, and then a break, and it's a pretty reoccurring pattern. Again, totally subjective, and it's not a major thing, but I thought it was worth mentioning. I think this could be improved upon with the usage of dialogue tags, describing their mannerisms and what not after they speak. Sometimes writers overdo this and it comes off forced, so it does require a balance. Regardless, this is totally up to you and didn't ruin my read through whatsoever.
Like I said, I haven't read the other parts, so I can't speak on too much. I just saw this in the green room and decided there was something I could offer for you. Happy writings
This part was written a long while ago so I can understand the issues with the writing. If you check out the prime control, my other story, you can see a lot more refined writing.
Thanks for the review, though.