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Violence

The Adventures of Rose Hood Chapter 3: The Naming of Rose Hood

by keeperofgaming


We returned to the village with the news that the Wilder was killed, and the dragon fled. Sir Royce, luckily, was aware of the chaos that would occur if I was revealed as a dragon, so he agreed to keep my secret on the condition that I come with him to the capital. Granny was sad, but she agreed that it would be the best course of action.

The story we are going with is that, when the dragon attacked, I returned and managed to trick it into attacking the Whilder. When the dragon finished off the Whilder, I managed to get a lot of dragonsbane around the beast, it fled in fear of the poison. Against anyone with moderate intellect, the story would have trouble holding up. Luckily, the village lacks that particular trait.

I finished packing a little bit ago.

“Hood, I’ll miss you.”

“Hey, I can still visit occasionally.”

“You better.”

When I met with Royce and his men, he said,

“Are you ready to go?”

“Yes.”

And with that we set out. Darsen was in a cage near us, and he and I chattered for most of the trip.

“We’re here.”

A beautiful city was displayed below us, it had a look of power and prestige. Royce stopped and sat down with me.

“Before we enter there, Hood. I think we should give you an actual name.”

“An actual name?”

“Yes, nameless ones draw attention, and someone may try to enslave you, even if you are with me.”

“Ok. Why not Hood?”

“That also draws attention, hmm. What would work?”

A guy walked in,

“Well, what type of dragon is Hood?”

“I’m a red arcane dragon.”

“Then what about Rose. Hood could be the surname.”

“Rose Hood.”

Royce clapped,

“I like that. I name you, Rose Hood.”

I began glowing. Scales appeared around me and spiraled in a spherical formation. They shot back into my body as Royce and his soldier looked at me in shock.

“What was that?”

“I was named. Do you not know the cost of naming a dragon?”

“No!”

“Oh, I thought it was common knowledge that naming a dragon takes a lot of mana and empowers the dragon.”

“WHO WOULD KNOW THAT?!”

“A lot of people.”

Royce sighed and held his head in his hands.

“Here, a letter of recommendation. Since we don’t want to give you attention, I’m trusting you to remain calm.”

“What’s the letter for?”

“The guild master’s an old friend of mine. Normally, you’d have to sustain a physical test, but since you want to keep a low profile, this will get you in... Hey, can draconic shift keep people from seeing your skills in the first place?”

“Yes, but wouldn’t that be more suspicious?”

“Appraisal isn’t a common skill, and relics that do that exist. You still have Mrs. Roger’s bracelet, right?”

“Yeah.”

Granny gave me a bracelet when I started living with her.

“If anyone asks, that blocks your stats.”

“Ok.”

“Boss, are you sure it’s safe to make her an adventurer?”

“Damien, frankly, I kind of trust her. At this point I’m more concerned about people attempting to enslave her. Especially since she still has marks from the collar. Besides, she’s small, even for a catkin, people would think she’s easy to catch. Being an adventurer would definitely allow her to be safe. Few groups want to anger the guild.”

“You have a point.”

After we finished talking, Royce went and told his men that we were separating. They all bid me farewell as they went ahead and through the gate. I had to line up for admission into the city. A festival was going on, so I knew that the line would be long. I saw numerous slavers and slave in line.

The New King’s festival was an event when the king had a child. The royal family would go to every town in the country and visit, presenting the new child. The king visited my hometown recently and that’s how Royce learnt of Darsen. The one here was anticipating the king’s return in 2 days. Common events were markets opening, including slave markets. While slavery was frowned upon, it was never banned. As long as the slavers could make up a feasible sounding explanation, they could enslave anyone.

The person behind me was a slaver.

“Hello kitty. What’s a beauty like you doing outside the safety of the city?”

“I’m visiting to join the guild.”

His eyes widened momentarily before he regained his composure.

“Well, I’m sure you’d want to rest after such a long journey. Perhaps you’d want to stay in my estate?”

“No thanks, am fine.”

“I insist.”

“Said, no.”

“Now listen here-”

He grabbed my arm and pulled out a collar. His face was angry.

“I’m sure a beauty like you could sell for a lot.”

“Could, I’m sure a beauty like me could also kick your butt.”

Shocked by my bluntness, he stepped back before pushing forward to collar me. I followed true to my word and went behind him, kicking his butt. He began to fly for a bit before landing on his back. I heard a snap and then the slaves that he enslaved looked at me.

The guy screamed for the guards who showed up and looked at the situation with confusion.

“This evil person assaulted me. I demand her to be collared and delivered to me.”

“Mam, did you hurt him?”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“He attempted to collar me in line.”

“Ah.”

The guard turned to the man.

“Apologies, but the law states that if a slaver is hurt while attempting to enslave someone, they can’t claim assault.”

“Preposterous. I’ll have you executed. I’m a Lord of Falden.”

Then one of the guy’s guards went up to him.

“Sir?”

“What is it?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s the captain of the guard.”

The lord gulped before prostrating.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know who you were.”

“So, if I were anyone else, you would’ve carried through with your threat?”

He flinched as the captain of the guard smiled.

“You can easily pay for your crimes in jail, but as you are a lord, I can’t do anything to you here, unless you were to threaten violence. Oh wait. So, let’s make a deal. For the trouble of attempting to enslave this woman, and then threatening my life. Give the contracts to her.”

“But...”

The captain draws his sword.

“Yes sir. I apologize, Mam. Here are the contracts.”

He handed them to me. Then the captain turned to me.

“Well, mam, I guess you now own a bunch of sla- wait what?!”

I instantly tore the contracts, causing the collars to fall off. The former slaves rejoiced in the cage. Then I turned to the captain with a smirk.

“Oh, captain, it’s horrible. That lord is holding free citizens in cages.”

The captain, shocked, started laughing.

“Alright. Lord Calsen of Falden, you are under arrest for caging civilians.”

“What? You...”

He drew a dagger and attacked me again, but, this time, the captain pinned him.

“Now, attacking a law-abiding citizen? Goodness, you have a lot of crimes on your belt.”

A bunch of guards came over and restrained the shouting and cursing lord, before dragging him into the gate. The rest of the slavers looked at me in fear.

“Jeez, woman, that was a bold move. What are you doing in the capital anyways?”

“I’m signing on as an adventurer.”

“Well, then let me guide you, so more fools don’t attempt to enslave you.”

“Thank you.”

The captain introduced himself as Jalad, the son of a minor lord.

“My father isn’t much, but he still is friends with the king, so I have quite a lot of power.”

“Is that why that lord immediately apologized?”

“Yep. Personally, I’m against slavery, but even so that was a stunt I wouldn’t have pulled.”

“I had confidence I could defend myself if things went wrong.”

“Huh, well, now that I look. How long ago were you freed?”

He clearly saw the mark.

“Not long ago. My Granny bought me from a market but treated me like family. She kept the collar, so people wouldn’t enslave me again. When she decided to let me go alone, she also released me from the collar.”

“I see. People like that are admirable.”

“Indeed, they are.”

“Welp, welcome to the guild.”

I thanked Jalal and headed in.

_

Well, would you look at that. It’s not an unfamiliar sight to see catkin in the guild, but she looks as small as a 10-year-old. Besides, she has a slave's scar around her neck. She clearly was just freed and now wants to get protection from the guild. Me and my gang may as well teach her a lesson.

_

3 guys walk up to me with sneering grins. A catkin, a wolfkin, and a human.

“Hey, chick. Aren't you a bit small to be trusted with shopping? Go back to your master.”

People in the guild started laughing, but some just looked uncomfortable.

“I’m here to join up. Where can I do that?”

“Right here!”

The wolfkin struck quickly, but I was faster. I jumped back and readied my claws.

“Looks like the kitten has claws, that’s cute.”

The catkin struck as I leapt over him towards the human who shot at me.

I dodged and kicked him.

“Did she just move in mid-air?!”

The catkin was shocked as he realized I’m not just a random amateur.

“No matter, we are A rank fighters. You know that you need to be unbelievably strong to do that, right?”

He and his crew started taking me seriously as they struck in perfect precision. A rank, eh? Mythic beasts are beyond S, so it’s a shame he underestimated me.

I accelerated my mind and dodged with ease before grabbing the bow and shooting at the catkin. After shooting, I threw the bow at the wolfkin and sit down at a table before resuming my perception.

The bowstring tangled on the wolfkin’s legs, and he fell as the catkin received a shot to the shoulder. The human fell down in shock at his weapon being taken from him at that speed.

“How?”

“Don’t underestimate me.”

My smile widened as the trio looked at me in abject fear. They realized that I could kill them in an instant, and they ran off, screaming.

I stood up and turn to someone,

“So, where do I sign up?”

“R-r-right there, m-mam.”

“Thank you.”

I pat his shoulder and walk to the counter. The attendant there is professional and doesn’t show the slightest fear or hesitation.

“Hello mam, I hope you know that fighting in the guild is prohibited. You are okay as you were not the instigator, but please keep that in mind.”

“Understood, anyways I have a letter of recommendation.”

I pass the letter and the attendant's eyes widen for a second before nodding.

“I'll bring this to the guild master, but if it all goes well, you’ll be an official adventurer soon.”

“Thank you.”


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Sun Mar 24, 2024 5:00 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the spooky S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - Rose gets a new name, frees those that are enslaved, fights those that are attempting to enslave her, and sets out to join the guild. She’s making powerful friends, but also powerful enemies…

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that you meant to say “turned” after she’s done fighting and turns around, but that’s just one little thing.

Chocolate Bar - I love how Rose is quick to protect herself. She knows her worth, she stands up for what she believes in. People have been underestimating her far too much, and it’s going to only harm them in the end.

Closing Graham Cracker - Rose has a name now, and she’s going to join the guild! I can’t wait to see her as an official adventurer and fighting more people! I enjoyed reading this! :>

I wish you a marvelous day/night. ^v^




keeperofgaming says...


Thank you for the review



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Fri Mar 01, 2024 1:23 am
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RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello (Again), My Friend!

It's me, Raven, and I'd like to review the next chapter in this great story using my Familiar method! Let's dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh...

What The Black Eyes See...

How exciting! Hood not only got to go to the city, but she finally got her full name! That made for a cute moment between her and Royce, especially as he continued to cover for her secret dragon status. The moment with the slavers was anxiety-inducing at first, then became exciting as Rose Hood reversed the roles and used that cheeky trick to arrest the snob. And, of course, I loved to see Rose prove herself to the guild members. Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

Just one error, and one recommendation, free to take or leave. The first was during the conflict with the slavers:

“You can easily pay for your crimes in jail, but as you are a lord, I can’t do anything to you here, unless you were to threaten violence. Oh wait. So, let’s make a deal. For the trouble of attempting to enslave this woman, and then threatening my life. Give the contracts to her.”

Nothing technically wrong, and it was a great moment, but I have a recommendation regarding dialogue tags. Perhaps, to add a little more "oomph" to the change of tone and the threat, you could use an ellipsis and write the captain drawing his sword mid-dialogue. (example: "I can't do anything to you here, unless you were to threaten violence. Oh, wait..." The captain drew his sword. "So, let's make a deal.")

It works as it is too though, as a "followup" to the threat, I just thought a little trail-off after "oh, wait..." to show a bit of snarkiness would look nice too ~ One more thing here:

“Huh, well, now that I look. How long ago were you freed.”

Minor grammatical error, the question is missing a question mark ~

Of course, I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt.

Why The Grin Widened...

I really enjoy the continued characterization of Rose in this chapter! She seems to have a very innocent bit of ignorance as she interacts with people, unaware of how much the average person knows about her species, with lines like this:

“Oh, I thought it was common knowledge that naming a dragon takes a lot of mana and empowers the dragon.”

“WHO WOULD KNOW THAT?!”


Or maybe this was characterization for Royce and his general ignorance, but either way, it makes for humorous moments that double as a way of informing the reader. I enjoy it!

And then, as well as this cute demeanor from Rose, she proves that she has a strong and ambitious side as she stands up for herself in the face of the slaver, showing no fear at all. That's a fascinating character trait, as fearlessness can empower a character greatly but also leave them vulnerable at the worst times, so I'm excited to see where this leads Rose in future chapters.

The trick Rose pulled to free the slaves and arrest the slaver was very humorous as well as exciting! The snarkiness that Rose showed in the process made it even better:

I instantly tore the contracts, causing the collars to fall off. The former slaves rejoiced in the cage. Then I turned to the captain with a smirk.

“Oh, captain, it’s horrible. That lord is holding free citizens in cages.”


Love it!

Finally, I also really liked this interaction with the captain. It shows that, while there may be some terrible people in the city, eager to exploit Rose and her *seemingly* feeble nature, there will also be some good people willing to work with her and help her along. How many of these people would be equally sympathetic to a dragon, I'm not sure, which creates an interesting thought experiment.

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, a great chapter that gave us some action and made forward progress in Rose's story; now that she's in the guild (or about to be let in), I hope to see some gritty adventures! Nicely done! :)

Image




keeperofgaming says...


Thanks once again for the question mark solving, and I'll keep the advice in mind, it's quite helpful.



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Wed Feb 28, 2024 10:41 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...



Howdy, and belated welcome to the Young Writer's Society! I hope you're having a good afternoon.

Of the fairy tale retellings I've read, this is by far the most unique. The world is a strange mixture of old-fashioned RPG's and fables, giving the setting a distinctive feel. As someone who really enjoys these games, I would love it if you really pushed this RPG vibe beyond the stat sheets, which can sometimes read as a little repetitive; if they exist within an arcade-esque world, how does that further effect their surroundings? The magic system? The special abilities on the character's stat sheets intrigued me, but they don't mean much when we only hear the names.

(Similarly, states like mana, health, etc don't mean much to the reader because we don't see the effects of them being used up. This applies doubly so if the reader is not familiar with video game mechanics.)

You have some really cool pieces of dialogue, and some interesting character reactions- however, I think stronger descriptions could really elevate them. Generally, I think of "naked" pieces of dialogue, (quotations without dialogue tags, descriptions, or any text surrounding them) as a punch to the face. It's sudden, and it's meant to deal a massive impact to the reader. However, because the majority of your dialogue is like this, it experiences diminishing returns. Nothing really stands out because it all looks the same.

The other issue with telling your story mostly through dialogue appears with pacing. Pure dialogue gives the reader the impression that when one thing happens, another thing immediately ensues.

I finished packing a little bit ago.

“Hood, I’ll miss you.”

“Hey, I can still visit occasionally.”

“You better.”

When I met with Royce and his men, he said,

“Are you ready to go?”

“Yes.”

And with that we set out. Darsen was in a cage near us, and he and I chattered for most of the trip.

“We’re here.”


The above feels as though it all happened in under a minute. Rose finishes packing, says goodbye to her grandma, meets with Royce, travels, and arrives in a completely new location- all in a single breath. The reader has trouble immersing themselves in the scene at hand, because it's over before they know what's happening.

On a related note, though the fight scene was very cool (I liked how chill the attendant was; it got a good laugh out of me!) it also feels a bit static. I used to have a lot of trouble writing action in my stories, but some advice that really helped me was, "Not to focus on what's literally happening; but instead, on how the character experiences it."

For example,

He and his crew started taking me seriously as they struck in perfect precision. A rank, eh? Mythic beasts are beyond S, so it’s a shame he underestimated me.

I accelerated my mind and dodged with ease before grabbing the bow and shooting at the catkin. After shooting, I threw the bow at the wolfkin and sit down at a table before resuming my perception.

The bowstring tangled on the wolfkin’s legs, and he fell as the catkin received a shot to the shoulder. The human fell down in shock at his weapon being taken from him at that speed.


This is a perfect play-by-play, but it doesn't tell us anything about Rose, other than the fact that she's super powerful. Being in a fight feels different than having a chat with a friend, and if Rose experiences exhilaration, annoyance, or embarrassment from fighting these guys, we should be shown it, rather than told. This helps the reader become more invested in both the characters, and their conflicts.

Overall, I've really enjoyed reading these last few chapters! Your descriptions have become much stronger over the course of this work, and you've laid the groundwork for an interesting story, and an interesting world. I like the setting, and the RPG influences, and I've really enjoyed watching Rose pummel those losers, lol. I look forward to reading the next chapter! Keep on writing, and have a great rest of your day :D




keeperofgaming says...


I understand, I'll work on that. It gets a lot more detailed in the later chapters. Chapter 5 starts that, but a fight thats happening soon actually really details the feelings exhibited in the fight.

Thanks for the advice.




It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
— Albus Dumbledore