Somedays
It's
All
A
Little
Too
Much.
Somedays
The music
And the television
And the pictures
And the billboards
And the people
Get to me.
Somedays
I just want to scream,
Scream until it's all gone,
Scream until the wold crumbles to dust
And the dust floats out among the too bright stars
And I am left alone
To cry.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
This was an inspirational and accurate description of how most people feel even on the best of days, something that most people don't want to admit. Some days, I do want to scream and cry and wait for the end, but I would never find the courage to say it because I want to be normal and wear a smile when I see people. This is a great way to say what I want to say, and what others want to say, so thank you so much for saying it. This was well written and I hope you continue to express this stuff.
Hi Herbgirl!
What can I say about your piece? It is relatable, yes; I believe we've all felt an associable kind of dispair, and that is something you could take advantage of, for the more people can identify with your piece, the more meaningful your words become. However, you are a poet and this is why I would like to encourage you to work on wording differently and more creatively. I honestly have to suggest you to avoid creating a poem that sounds like a rant, because people aren't really interested in hearing other people complain unless they're a close friend (maybe). However, we are aware that poets do tend to write what they feel and that is what's great about poetry... So the problem is not what you do, but how you do it. Instead, I would try to create more imagery and I would try to focuse on writing about how I perceive this emotion rather than just saying what I feel. If you think about it, maybe what you feel as despair is totally different from what I feel, or it could be exactly the same!! So. What I'm saying is... Show the reader the world through your eyes and through your heart. Turn your feelings into art.
Your friendly member,
Solvy
'Ello, it's Cello!
Happy review day!
I enjoyed this poem. It was straight to the point and did a wonderful job conveying emotion. I feel like the set up at the beginning took away from the meaning though.
(First off, that 'to' needs to be a 'too')
Every time you make a new line, the reader pauses. Pauses can be great. They can add emotion, rhythm, and meaning. Having too many pauses though, can be a bad thing. Do you really need a pause after every word here? It's distracting. Honestly, I would suggest splitting it up as 'Somedays/it's all a little too much'. Of course you can play around with that, "Somedays it's all/ a little too much". It's really unnecessary to have more than two (three, if you do it well) breaks in this part of the poem.
I just wanted to say I really loved this line. I'm always a sucker for poetry that references outer space so the meaning really got through to me here.
Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
This is very relatable in a human perspective; there's so much chaos going on around us that it will literally drive anyone insane. Your structure is on point, you clearly delivered the message, have caught the attention of readers through a relatable message, and overall have a really good poem.