your eyes
are pools
i want to
jump
in
to
so i can
swim
through your colors
brown
green
blue
and into your heart
so that i might
(God willing)
finally
(this i pray)
know
(amen)
if you love me
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
What can i say? But AMAZING, this is different, unique, new and lovely. It's so short but portrays all the feelings of love.
I like the fact that at the end you're not sure of the love but you're still hopeful anyways.
I just read your "prayers of you" and I wanted to see something else. With this you've stamped the fact that you're an awesome writer, Keep writing because your work is really really good.
This was very good and artfully done! With an honest expression of just how love and life are, this has potential and can honestly be called a piece of good literature. Some try to imitate experience, but it seems that you don't need to do that. Great work on this, expressing love and the anxiety that comes with it. Keep writing and never stop because you have a future and a good talent.
Holy Moley!
One of my biggest complaints with most poems is that people don't utilize the unique style of writing offered to them in poetry. You use every single bit of the potential offered to you in every single amazing way. I am in love with how the last stanza can be read from wither right to left or left to right, leaving it up to the reader to decide. The stair-step structure in the first and second stanzas helps create the very flowing rhythm created in the the first couple of moments in the poem. All in all just a beautifully structured poem. I can't wait to read more of your no doubt amazing work! Thank you for writing such a great poem.
This is a beautiful poem. I like the way you organized the stanzas; they add a new effect to the poem. Although it's somewhat short, the message was portrayed in a fantastic way. Don't ever stop writing; you have an absolute talent. Have a great day!