My head is full of you each day,
I'm so obsessed I cannot write,
Every thought I think is tinged with you,
And that is not alright.
Because I am not your lover,
We're barely even friends,
And yet my crazy love for you
Seems to have no end.
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139,797 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
Hello herbgirl! Calliope here for a review. This poem was short and to the point, and while short poems if worded effectively can resonate nicely, this one seemed to lack the punch necessary to send it from "pretty good" to "amazing". One thing I liked, however, is that your rhymes didn't seemed forced at all. The second half of your poem flowed nicely, much better than the first, and I think that the awkwardness of the first half can be easily eliminated by cutting down on the wordiness of these two lines:
The first line could be more concise if you were to continue it from the first line of the poem like this:
My head is full of you each day,
So much that I cannot write. (or possibly "Making it hard to write")
Taking out the word "obsessed" would not take away from your poem because that is the title. That's up to you, of course, but how these first two lines stand there is a comma splice. As far as content goes, this theme is a little overused. It would help your poem if you added more detail to make it stand out from all the other poems about secret crushes.
Overall, this poem was pretty nice. I like short rhymes like this one. However, I think there is a little room for improvement. Sorry if I was harsh. I hope this review helps you. Keep writing!
The poem is simple yet relatable. Your word choice is nice, prominently in the phrase "Every thought I think is tinged with you,". The line gives an insight to the vague but constant thoughts of your obsession you are writing on. The word 'tinged' also has a specific connotation to it that you used to your advantage. The punctuation could be a little more neat from my perspective. You include some contrasting ideas very thoughtfully. When you say you cannot write within the poem it's rather clever. Your ending line is also nice because the obsession has no end, yet the poem of it does. Well done!
Hello herbgirl! Its Gymnast2801 here with a review for you!
My overall thought is that I like this! Short, simple and quick to the point. I think I can tell that this obsession is with drugs but I could be wrong. This is one thing I would like to point out. I feel that you should specify more of what this obsession is. I feel like I could be drugs, or it could be that this charcater is in love. It honestly, could be almost anything. I feel that you should specify this more.
Oddly enough, I feel that, though this poem is short, it is finished well. I think this poem is well rounded and the defining..ehh, I feel like it's not the best beginning I've seen but hey, it takes time to learn how to almost seemlesly start a poem. I must say that I could never write a poem so you are very gifted. I absolutely love your ending and I think you finished it very nicely.
Wonderful job! Keep on writing!