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call me the lovely vendor

by herbgirl


i never said
i was selling pennywords
yet still
you snuck up behind me
and dropped your coins in my hand
until i spoke the words you wanted to hear
to which you responded
with more of the like

your empty compliments clattered
against the copper already collected in my hand
producing such an empty clanging
it almost matched the cracking
as my heart began to break again
crumbling into pieces
small enough to pay you back

so i collected what i could
and handed you the bits
but they slipped through the cracks between your fingers
and we were left with just
pennywords
more than i really wanted
still too little to pay me back


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75 Reviews


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Fri Feb 17, 2017 4:31 am
SilverBerry wrote a review...



Hey Herby! Silverberry here for a review! As you well know, I rarely dabble with poems that do not rhyme, but this one caught my eye and I actually really liked it! ylu had really nice use of alliteration and your descriptions and metaphors were really interesting and got your point across. Meaning-wise, the topic was relatable yet not overdone, it was very unique! I also liked how even though you were complaining, you didn't seem angry but you you have a bitter and disappointed tone, if that makes sense.

I never said
I was selling pennywords
Yet still
You snuck up behind me
And dropped your coins in my hand
Until I spoke the words you wanted to here
To which your responded
With more of the like

I really liked you use of money and coins as a metaphor and that you used it throughout the poem and even in your title. I think you made it more clear why you had a problem with the person since they were essentially "buying" the compliments, and you expressed this very well. The only thing I would change here is to take out the "still" and connect "yet" to the fourth line because even though I did like how you cut off sentences, having these two words by themselves was a little awkward. Though I did like the contrast between "I never said I was selling pennywords" and "I spoke the words you wanted to hear", for it gets your bitterness across so it was good you had some lines between them so that it didn't rush.

your empty compliments clattered
Against the copper already collecting in my hand
Producing such an empty clanking
It almost matched the cracking
As my heart began to break again
Crumbling into pieces
Small enough to pay you back

Here I loved your use of alliteration and you continuation with the money metaphors. Honestly I think this stanza is perfect. Wow.

so I collected what I could
And handed you the bits
But they slipped through the cracks between your fingers
And we were left with just
Pennywords
More than I really wanted
Still too little to pay me back

So here I didn't like that you had one line that was much longer than the rest of the lines in the poem. Since it's length has to do with the addition of "through" and "between", which are prepositions and the rest of their phrases, I think you should cut some of it off and give it its own line. The rest of the poem was cut and broken (in a good way), but here you had a full part that was a little wordy to read on one line and broke the flow. Actually I also didn't love that you talked about pennywords again for I thought you could think of a new or longer money reference. Since "pennywords" isn't seen throughout the entire poem, I think using the word again is a little weird since that specific word wasn't that important. The idea of it was, but perhaps there is another way you could put it? I don't know if this makes sense so if not just keep it because I do like the word "pennywords".

Your ending was good for it really got your point across that the "pennywords" were WANTED, for I think t was really important to make that clear. Anyways, overall really great job and I don't know how much of a help I am since your poem is so pretty perfect. Wonderful job and keep writing!




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Wed Dec 07, 2016 5:35 pm
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Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Kaos here for a review!

I like the idea and the coins that the poem plays with here, and that's one of the strengths that you had with potentially even stronger imagery that could be implemented into the poem. One of the first things that I wanted to touch on is stanzas. I think that this would be beneficial in breaking the poem up into more individual parts instead of all of it flowing into each other with each line. I actually didn't mind the lack of punctuation used here; use the strengths earned from not using punctuation to your advantage. There are definitely places that I see stanzas breaking up into and you can use more of individual ideas all while continuing the poem. Here's an example of where I can see a stanza being formed:

and your empty compliments clattered
against the copper already collected in my hand
producing such an empty clanging
it almost matched the cracking
as my heart began to break again


This all kind of all fits together in one spot, and this leads me to the next point that I wanted to touch on. I didn't really or couldn't really get into the imagery with the heart breaking because it didn't really try to do anything new with it. Expand on that for the readers so we can get a new description of it rather than just what we've heard before.

I wanted you to play more with the money and coins and tie all of the poem together like you did at all the end of the poem, which is probably my favorite part of the piece. Wordplay would do well in this poem as well as spins on old sayings because it fits the tone, like turning around "money doesn't grow on trees" and other things that you started to do here but never really maximized to the fullest.

I hope I helped and have a great day!




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Sat Dec 03, 2016 1:26 pm
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Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, HerbGirl! Casanova here to do a review for you!

So, I'll be breaking this up into sections, and at the end of the review I'll be doing and overall summary so I hope that's okay!

Anyway, let's begin.

i never said
i was selling pennywords
yet still
you snuck up behind me
and dropped your coins in my hand
until i spoke the words you wanted to hear
to which you responded
with more of the like


Alright, so the first thing that I didn't like here was that the lines felt choppy. Yet still/you snuck up behind me, being one of the lines that felt like this. I would suggest using punctuation to help with this, as the flow doesn't seem as if it's on going but it does appear that it's supposed to pause in places. Here it seems as if I'm spitting half sentences out of my brain, and I found that to my distaste.
The second thing I didn't like here was the last line. "With more of the like." I'm guessing you're comparing what you two are saying to each other. Well, this seems for of the person continuously saying the same thing over and over, instead of you saying something then the other person saying something in return, if that makes any sense. I would suggest rephrasing or just dropping that part, I could see it working either way.
Anyway, the next thing I didn't like was the vagueness. You're giving us the actions, yes, but what we're lacking is any sense of depth or emotion. I would suggest sparking it up a bit more. Like, anger or sadness. Including something that makes the reader feel exactly what you felt during this, and how you felt after writing it. Anyway, onward.

The second section-

and your empty compliments clattered
against the copper already collected in my hand
producing such an empty clanging
it almost matched the cracking
as my heart began to break again
crumbling into pieces
small enough to pay you back


Aye, here you dabbled in imagery and I think that it rather worked out well. You're getting what you want out of it, and it seems as if it's putting a bit of emotion out as well. So, props for that. I do have some suggestion, though.
The first thing would be the empty compliments thing. Now, the previous line states that he's responding with the like of what you replied with. Now, this statement is making it seem like you're both lying to each other, so I would suggest a change in one of them considering I don't think you want t portray this as you're lying to him. It's just a small thing, but something worthy of mentioning. I think it might help you in the long run. Phrasing can me such a pain as to what we're trying to portray, know what I mean?
The next thing is phrasing as well, where you say your hearts pieces are small enough to pay him back. I would suggest saying large enough or something like that, as the pieces may be small but the pain wouldn't be. I think it would be fitting to inflict on him the pain pain he inflicted on you, and I think you in no means meant that he had harmed you in a small way, but I think you meant he had harmed you in a rather large way. Anyway, on to the next section.

The third section-

so i collected what i could
and handed you the bits
but they slipped through the cracks between your fingers
and once again
we were left with just
pennywords
more than i really wanted
still too little to pay me back


Now, what I'm really enjoying about this is the of pennywords. Now, normally people say words mean and hurt a lot, but what you're saying here is that his words are useless and already forgotten, and that's something that I really enjoyed about this poem. So, props for that. I do have a couple of things about this section, though. So bear with me.
The first thing I noticed that I didn't like was the line,"more than I really wanted." Now, I'm suggesting a change here. From throughout this poem it has seemed like you didn't want the useless words, so I would suggest a change in that. Taking out that line might help, or just changing it to,"That I never really wanted." Because, hey useless words aren't wanted to anyone but people looking for sympathy, and I doubt you're looking for that here.
The next thing was the line,"and once again." I felt like that line could have been omitted as well, as it seemed unnatural in the poem, if you know what I mean. It's saying the pennywords are repetitive, but you could have repetition without stating the repetition, if you get what I'm trying to say about that. Anyway, I felt like these lines were the strongest and best written out of the poem, so props for that.

Overall I get the feeling a lot of thought and emotion was put into this poem. I can feel that. But I feel like you could have executed it better, and rephrased some things that feels off for the poem. Sometimes phrasing can make or break any literary work, and I feel like if you polished this off and edited it a slight bit, this would make a pretty good work.

Anyway, that's all I have on this one and I hope it helped.

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, Matthew Casanova Aaron




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Sat Dec 03, 2016 7:33 am
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CClesta says...



Love this. Very meaningful.




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Sat Dec 03, 2016 4:18 am
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Aleta says...



Damn. I really like the way you refer to this quick exchange of a relationship with coins. Very nice poem.





I tell the neophyte: Write a million words–the absolute best you can write, then throw it all away and bravely turn your back on what you have written. At that point, you’re ready to begin.
— David Eddings