Hey Herby! Silverberry here for a review! As you well know, I rarely dabble with poems that do not rhyme, but this one caught my eye and I actually really liked it! ylu had really nice use of alliteration and your descriptions and metaphors were really interesting and got your point across. Meaning-wise, the topic was relatable yet not overdone, it was very unique! I also liked how even though you were complaining, you didn't seem angry but you you have a bitter and disappointed tone, if that makes sense.
I never said
I was selling pennywords
Yet still
You snuck up behind me
And dropped your coins in my hand
Until I spoke the words you wanted to here
To which your responded
With more of the like
I really liked you use of money and coins as a metaphor and that you used it throughout the poem and even in your title. I think you made it more clear why you had a problem with the person since they were essentially "buying" the compliments, and you expressed this very well. The only thing I would change here is to take out the "still" and connect "yet" to the fourth line because even though I did like how you cut off sentences, having these two words by themselves was a little awkward. Though I did like the contrast between "I never said I was selling pennywords" and "I spoke the words you wanted to hear", for it gets your bitterness across so it was good you had some lines between them so that it didn't rush.
your empty compliments clattered
Against the copper already collecting in my hand
Producing such an empty clanking
It almost matched the cracking
As my heart began to break again
Crumbling into pieces
Small enough to pay you back
Here I loved your use of alliteration and you continuation with the money metaphors. Honestly I think this stanza is perfect. Wow.
so I collected what I could
And handed you the bits
But they slipped through the cracks between your fingers
And we were left with just
Pennywords
More than I really wanted
Still too little to pay me back
So here I didn't like that you had one line that was much longer than the rest of the lines in the poem. Since it's length has to do with the addition of "through" and "between", which are prepositions and the rest of their phrases, I think you should cut some of it off and give it its own line. The rest of the poem was cut and broken (in a good way), but here you had a full part that was a little wordy to read on one line and broke the flow. Actually I also didn't love that you talked about pennywords again for I thought you could think of a new or longer money reference. Since "pennywords" isn't seen throughout the entire poem, I think using the word again is a little weird since that specific word wasn't that important. The idea of it was, but perhaps there is another way you could put it? I don't know if this makes sense so if not just keep it because I do like the word "pennywords".
Your ending was good for it really got your point across that the "pennywords" were WANTED, for I think t was really important to make that clear. Anyways, overall really great job and I don't know how much of a help I am since your poem is so pretty perfect. Wonderful job and keep writing!
Points: 2162
Reviews: 75
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