Young Writers Society

Hey! Kazey here for what's more likely my thoughts rather than a full on review.

I loved this so much (which is something I say often after reading your poetry)! You have this was with words that just really connects with me and, in this poem especially, makes me really nostalgic of my childhood. It starts off a really free and easy-going poem, and then you get to the last stanza and it evokes so much feeling it's astonishing.

I absolutely love the last stanza, but I still think the last line falls a little flat. I have no specific suggestions, but maybe try to make it a little more dramatic, but with the gist of it remaining the same.

Punctuation-wise, I would personally suggest knocking off commas in the few places you have them. I think that would it would seem as if a youth wrote the poem, and really take the reader back to their childhood.

A great poem overall and keep writing!
~Kazey

PS- We should really get round to that collaboration sometime...

Hey, I'm here to review.

when they tore up the sidewalk
to cut down the trees
and hacked at roots till bloody sap dampened the dirt,
your yard was never again a shady relief,
we ran out with our water bottles
and made a kingdom of mud,
huts and people who collapsed if you let them alone

we smeared our faces with summer,
dirt and pollen-y fingers,
and we squeezed the earth between our toes
leaving little ditches behind,
filling our nails with grainy filth

your mother was angry
'why must you be so disgusting'
mine just laughed
said 'you were always messy'
but you snuck out again after dinner
and listened to me play piano
sitting on the floor playing with my dog until i was done
her whines and the air conditioner harmonizing with me,
and i thought
how good would it be to have a sister

but your mom found us racing scooters down the hill,
dashing through sprinklers and shrieking at the chill,
and sent your real sister to say you were grounded
she dragged you back across the street
to a world of 'clean your room's and 'no dessert's
and i sat on my porch in the summer humidity
wishing i was grounded too

now you've gone south
and i'm freezing up here
waiting for a snowfall to relieve us from the sullen sheet of gray
which is my sky
wondering where the stain glass summer blue
snuck off to
where our sky has gone
and i write questions
how's your new dog
is your brother growing teeth
does it snow in Tennessee
but your only reply is silence
and i wonder
how does one find a new sister