First, I am sure many of you who read this know about my friend who recently died because of kidney failure. This poem was one of many we co-authored together. I am posting it now, because it resonates with what many individuals have become. We wrote this three weeks before my friend died. It changed some of my perspective on life and really made me question who and what I was. Please let me know what you think, because this poem is going in the book of poems I am publishing for him.
What is this I have become?
A ghost, a phantom, a memory?
What is this?
What is my reality?
I do not know,
for I am among
the poor souls who dwell
earth searching for purpose after death.
A ghost, not quite.
A phantom, no for I do
not haunt, nor terrorize.
A memory, how can I be when no one
remembers me?
What then is this existence?
Something between life and death.
More dead than alive,
but in a body which walks on this earth.
A phantom? A ghost? Human? What?
For I do not know.
Also, just as an update, my friend ha been laid to rest. I paid for the entire service with my own money, and read this poem during my eulogy.
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140,852 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Thank you everyone. I will be posting more soon.
I'm sorry about you friend. I know how it feels.
Onto the poem, it was amazingly beautiful. Your friend would be proud. And so should you. Great job. Good luck with the publishing.
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I'm so, so sorry about your friend.
I really enjoyed this poem. You and your friend are wonderful writers. It has some awesome depth, and it was written very well. Awesome job.
Once again, I'm really sorry about your friend.
I'm sorry for your friend. I hope he rests in peace. ^_^
Nitpicks:
- I'm not sure if this works well but this line seemed really ironic.
- I don't understand this line. o.o
- I think it sounds better if you omit the 'on'.
- This line seemed to lack power. It lacked power compared to the line before it ('A phantom? A ghost? Human? What?'). I suggest rewording this line more creatively. Personally, I think it would sound better this way: 'Tell me for I do not know' or something like that. It's your choice.
- Also, I think it's also a weak ending. I thought there was going to be another verse or line after it.
First of all, I'd like to say that I really think that you've been a good friend to him,
Never stop writing! Please do tell me if you'll write a poem for your friend. I'd love to read it.
Nothing really wrong with this poem, actually, I really liked it!
I like the kind of repetitive question throughout it and the sort of imagery you get with not many words which is something I fail at time again and again.
I'm really sorry about your friend he sure was a good writer.
It's a good poem, It must of mean a lovely funeral.
First of all, sorry about your friend.
I can't really find anything wrong with this poem. Your vocabulary is good, and your sense of rhythm is outstanding. I particulary liked the state your poem described.
Things I particularly liked.