Tortured,
Caged,
Broken.
These define me.
What I am,
Who I am.
These three words are my life.
Tortured:
Chained,
Burned,
Beaten.
Transformed into the monster
I am today.
Caged:
Forced to watch as others die,
as others bleed before me.
Forced to enjoy it,
to need it,
to crave it.
Broken:
Finally beaten,
caged,
and tortured until I am mad,
unable to reason,
only after the blood they want me to spill.
Now I have finally become what they want me to be,
what animal I tried so hard to fight,
for so long.
Now,
only thoughts of murder,
of the river o blood,
of the light as it leaves their eyes,
consumes me.
Three words,
translated to action created me,
the epitome of scum.
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139,487 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
First of all this was interesting. the first completely caught my attention. I think the idea is great and I would love to see it expanded but of course I want more of everything I like so you can just glance over that. the concept of being changed into something you never wanted to be and by the end there was no hope that you were exactly what they wanted you to be, is brilliant. Most people would go for a hero, someone who fought back and evaded that which is mentioned above. So props for that. I liked it.
Now that I have given the praise earned here is my one nitpick: the flow. Your words were great and each stanza was great individually, but it just seemed forced when you put them together. Maybe a rewording or stanza shuffle would help. There, done. I hate that part. So I guess I'm done here.
-Always Writer.
Hey there, Dante. Scarlett here to review your poem.
First off, I have to say that I do not like how you've set it out. It feels and looks awkward to me. I suggest editing it, maybe adding in words, shifting words up a line. I'm not saying I hate it, that's a little silly. I like it, but it feels empty. Also, don't be afraid to use the word 'and', either. I think, with a little work, you could set this out better. And it would make more sense, flow smother if you were to edit. Right now, it's rather jerky. Also, I think that's meant to be an "of" in this line; "of the river o blood".
Other than that, if I focus on the words? It's good and I like it. It's an interesting topic. I like the way you've described his decent into madness, but I still think you could do more with this poem. Expand on it, maybe? Give it something more to really connect with the reader? I'm not saying it's bad, but I'm not saying it amazing either. For a poem, it's kind of a basic, bare bones thing. Flesh it out, and don't be afraid to be imaginative. If you ever need help on it, PM me. I'll see what we can do together.
Okay. Overall, this is a nice, dark and imaginative little poem, if a little empty. It's a little bit chilling and a little bit dark, but it has just the right amount of both so it's not too disturbing; but it still needs depth. Like I said before, I like it. *clicks like* I really do. But I'm afraid I can't do much more than this. Let me know if you edit it and I'll review again. Anyway, I hope this helped, even a little. And thank you very much for the fascinating poetry. Keep writing, and don’t ever give up!
~Scar.