At last the light's rays have shined down upon me.
The cold's embrace has gone.
I am no longer the hideous
soul I despise.
In the mirror eternal I can now
look.
But no repentance,
no love has changed me.
Darkness had led me
to a fire which burns at its core.
One that illuminates my goal.
The rays have freed me from confusion.
They have unleashed the spirit once again.
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140,230 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Ha the sad thing is this is not a "start" This was written on a whim,and I think it is good. i guess it does not really matter to you though. Please offer constructive criticism next time. At least something that would help. Thanks for saying it was partially good, but I need to know more what people would like to see changed.
Hello there
I will be honest, I did not like it that much. It was just fine. I thought that the first too stanzas were just amazing but then after that the lines were just disappointing.
Great command and a great start here. Good job.
Keep writing
Thanks for the comment. I try to keep some line between utter torture and the light. I have to write something not so dark every once in a while or my poetry gets so dark my thoughts in this seep into my short short stories, and I've caught it once where it seep into my novel.
I enjoy reading your poetry. I find your work to be a dark delight. This poem seems to be on a lighter note compared to your other work and although i feel good for the narrator, i find that i am missing when this soul was tormented. Also, i know that punctuation is important in helping people understand what they are reading nut i found it to be unnecessary here. I appreciate your style of writing and look forward to more.
I actually made the poem internal on purpose. It is internal because that is part of my style. Thanks for the suggestion, but i do read a lot of poetry.
Hi,
I like the couplet structure here, it works really nicely.
This is very internal so I'd try to turn it outwards. For example, it focuses a lot on what the speaker feels;
"I am no longer the hideous
soul I despise."
and in parts it gets a bit emo;
"Darkness had led me
to a fire which burns at its core."
I'd try and turn it outwards. What does the speaker see and hear? Who does he/she interact with? Why do they feel like this? Can you suggest it with visual images?
The best thing you can do for your poetry is read poetry. Anthologies are a good place to start.
Hope this helps,
Jas
First of all, hi!
Anyway, I really liked it. It was dark and somewhat mysterious, and the title is very fitting. That's really good. I personally love reading dark things. Anyway,
This is probably my favorite line. Fire just draws me for some reason, and this line really says something. I don't know what exactly, but it says something. Plus, I really like your word-choice throughout the whole poem. The words really add to the dramatic background of the whole thing. That's epic! Keep writing!
-Emily