I write this in misery
thinking of you,
drinking,
smoking,
crying,
lying here broken in this
empty room.
I write this as my life slips away,
as my mind fades,
as everything we had
disappeared in an instant of weakness.
In an instant of rage,
in an instant of animal instinct.
I write this as your face creeps into my
mind.
As the vision of your eyes haunts me,
as my face and heart turned to stone.
I write this now and I see
what we were,
what we had,
what you were and what I was.
I know now I was not empty.
I searched for something
I already had.
I wandered for nothing when I had everything.
I write this in misery,
in sorrow as my eyes close and I
look back.
What monster I was,
What torment I bore,
what torture I brought on you
in my anguish made this.
An empty room with nothing
but me,
my bottle,
my pills,
my gun,
and the outline of your body on the floor.
What I tried to prevent,
What I so desperately attempted to conceal
exploded and ended in your death and mine.
I found humanity in the seconds after your
soul left your body,
but lost it when my last connection
to compassion was broken
by the very hands who for so
long toiled to attain stability.
Now my mind is clear and the vision of
your perfect face crushed,
beaten,
destroyed consumes me.
I write this as my life ends.
As in hatred of myself I end
my life.
In death there is peace.
But that peace only comes
after all good has vanished.
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139,486 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
Hello Dante, I'm Theo. It's been awhile since I've reviewed poetry, so forgive me if I stumble.
First off, I would like to say that this is a very good poem, it is dark, but it gives it more interest. I kept reading to figure out what this person was talking about. It kind of drove me insane not knowing at first, good job stringing me along.
Second, the form of this is very well done, it wasn't rushed and most of your punctuation is correct, you might want to take one more look through it though. Although I do suggest moving the word 'mind' to the line above it. It sort of threw the rhythm off.
Lastly, I enjoyed this immensely. It reminded me of some poems that I wrote once upon a time. And as long as there is no underlying feelings that motivated this, I can say that you should keep writing in this style if you can. You're very good at it.
If you have any questions or just want me to take a loom at something else just PM me.
Theo
( or Teddy)
I am writing this on my own poem for no reason.
Thanks. I know all to well what pain is, but I wrote this as I had a flashback of my past. It's not that I am sad. I have done many things. I have been lonely, but this was a character. Someone who is me, but isn't me at the same time (paradox!!!). Thanks for the comments. Thanks for the concern, but I am fine, just dealing with a lot right now.
Are you okay dude? If not, please don't do anything you'd regret! I have, and I've found it's not worth it. But, I love this poem. It's sad, tragic, and horrible (in a good way haha). Really, it's morbid, so I like it. Good job!!!
This is my first review so forgive me if it's not the best.
I really loved your poem. I have to agree with the others, although it was long it was to the point and a great to read. I felt the emotion and the misery and to me that is the most important thing.
I really like this. Its dark.
I also like how its set out, though the structure is not consistant and apear to have a repeat it fits nicely.
I also adored the imagery, it was strong, though I do believe more detail could fit nicely in this as my mind seemed to wander slightly.
Other then that a really enjoyable piece of poetry.
Well done!
Are you alright, dante93? I don’t know if you’re actually feeling sad when you wrote this or just wrote it to seem sad,...
I like this poem. It is a good collection of thoughts and emotions and you’ve managed to move along very nicely from stage to another in this poem without rambling on for too long about stuff. You’ve kept it straight to the point and straight from the heart.
It was almost to the point that it felt like I was the one who you were convicting. I know I’m not, and there’s nothing wrong with the way you’ve written it. It hits home so well that I can almost feel the same kind of hurt you (or your character) feels in this poem.
It is a beautiful piece, and you should feel very proud of yourself.
I like pieces which stir up emotion in a reader, and you’ve done that beautifully. Keep up the great work.
And I hope you feel better soon.