The night the Furies came
my heart sank.
Deeper into hell I went.
Deeper into sorrow I fell.
What news is worse than that
of death?
O great spirits spare me another
blow
My heart can take no more
What divine plan was made for me?
What purpose do I serve here?
The furies spin a tale of a man who is
broken, one with no
family, no lively connection to this world.
After the death of one I held so dear
I cannot contest their prophecy.
The shades from above have forsaken me.
The great souls I look to fro guidance
have left me,
alone, to rot here in this body.
Sentenced to dwell here in this
living corpse I am forced to wander
to be a pilgrim with no goal.
With no virtue I walk.
Dreading each step.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
It was really creepy but in a good way and it's a piece that makes you think, always something i like. You've got a really distinct voice. I'm looking forward to reading some more of your poetry
1.) I thought that this poem was sheer guenious! The line
was brilliant!2.) It took me a while to completely understand what you were saying. I kind of got the whole death with in your soul aspect from the second time I read it through.
3.) It was beautiful. I think many people would be able to relate to it and that in its self makes it a wonderful poem in my opinion.
Every poem I've read of yours, has been amazing. And I love them all. Keep it up, dude.
I intended to make this poem have a broken feeling, because a fate worse than death is being broken, and cursed to live an eternity with that feeling.
I don't know if it was intentional or not but the way you typed out your stanza didn't always seemed to make sense. Like it would break in the middle of a phrase and jump to the next line. I don't know if you intended it to feel broken or not, but it seemed a little abrupt and distracting to me. But that's just my opinion.
thank you again. that is exactly it. I still have to find the other two poems tow put with this one. I would like to clarify, any perceived eradic shift is intentional.
You were talking about the death within yourself weren't you? after reading this poem again i understood what you were trying to say. in losing yourself you couldn't understand what in life was meant for you though you once knew. And you lost your close ones because something in your spirit died and that is what held them from you. it's fascinating how you write.
Thanks to both of you for commenting. I was referencing the character, and this was a jumbled poem I was trying. I keep trying to use different styles and so far i think i have reached what I set out to do. This poem is a part of three, which i have to find somewhere in my portfolio. Hopefully I will be able to find the other two poems and post them, because this is an introduction to the confusion of the second poem, which is darker, and much, much more in detail.
I was actually quite confused. I think the line
you could have done without, as it changes the point of the poem.
One more thing, you probably could have used some more descriptive words, it would have made the entire thing a bit more powerful.
But all in all (I sound a bit nitpicky) you have a great idea going, just build on it a little more)
"what news is worse then that of death" Brilliant line. There is much potential in your words and in the way you write. there is just one thing i can't quite understand...when you talk about the tale of a man with no connection to the world, was this in reference to the character? Only asking because in the next line you talk about the death of someone who was close to you...those are just small details and don't make the entire poem any less impactful. Good Work!!!