Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,463 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
Well well well! What have we here? A lilibonelle? You are amazing! Those repetative lines are an absolute horror to get quite right. Yours aren't perfect, but they're quite fine and who am I to talk - I can't get through half of one of these devillishly tricky forms! I really can see that this must have been a fiendish struggle with the English language
The results are great!
Ha ha I get bad memories from this poem - you won my empathy 1000 times over! That internal wince at finding an acquintance, that flinch as you realise that you are the only person not wearing make up - perfectly embodied in a few lines.
The form added to the poem because it mimics that milling, mingling movement of a cultured crowd.
Well done!
First of all, I dont like the repitition of the words:
Second, I LOVE the line:
I think every girl can relate to this statement. How can we compare to the girl he chose over us?
Overall, It was a nice poem, not fantastic, but not boring either. Just the few minor changes of repitition, thats all I can say.
I really like this (and definitely relate). My only problem with this is the fact that you repeat "You've done something different with your hair." It's not particularly impacting and doesn't really need to be repeated. Anyway, other than that I really liked this, very creative and relateable.
Keep Writing,
StoryWeaver