I have lived on an island
surrounded by water for my entire childhood.
I am terrified of it.
I have seen the ocean
call to sailors
who never return.
I have watched the water
crash through our community,
tearing a path for its swells of destruction.
I have seen it drown
children and men alike - it has no preference
and takes no prisoners.
I have known
the salty aftertaste that reminds me of the muffled tears
cried in desperation and hopelessness.
I have heard tales
of the monsters that thrive
in and on its waters.
I have lived,
laughed,
loved,
and lost,
encompassed by its tide.
I have seen the drops of the cliffs,
the jagged stone below where it laps,
wearing the costume of solace.
I do not meddle in its business
and pray it does not mine.
I have lived on an island surrounded by water.
Terrified of it, still.
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139,463 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
The poem sounds really tragic but endearing at the same time. I like the way you've put the anguish of the persona into perspective when it speaks about the treachery of the ocean. I like the concept behind this and with a little more attention to arrangement and stanza formation, this poem might sound and be better than it already is!
I really liked this poem. Great work and keep the ink flowing.
This should be your traditional rant because it's amazing. I love it.
These lines are really a splendid definition of the ocean, how it terrorizes people and how it affects us. However, throughout the poem, I felt your enthusiasm lacking and dropping in some places, as if, you were forced to write about the ocean.
when you write poetry, you should focus on, do oceans really compel you to write about it? You should write about things that you care deeply about. (maybe you do care about oceans, but from my perspective, it doesn’t seem so).
still, on the whole it was an interesting piece to read, and your scheme was exceptional and vocabulary usage, urm though not much, but the appropriate amount.
and oh,
seen
I loved reading this. It's a very clear yet almost dreamy poem, and I love the images that it creates. There is one thing I'd like to point out:
Shouldn't that be "surrounded by water my entire childhood"? And maybe it would sound better if you put "surrounded by water for my entire childhood" As it is it doesn't quite make sense, but I expect that's just a typing error.
Overall, I really like this poem and would read something like it again. The imagery and the haunting tone of it made me want to read on not only once but a few times. Well done with it.
Keep writing,
~MorningMist~