Caution: Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear
I despise the cliché of new drivers
I, myself, don’t drink and drive or
text my friend back at a red light
if fact
I yield at the appropriate signs
and prefer to stop at a yellow light
than shoot through the intersection
And I bet it is hard to believe
but yes, I am a sixteen year old,
and I drive 40 kilometers per hour
even when I am not in a school zone
I have made it a habit
of stopping for pedestrians at crosswalks
most likely because that was me not long ago
waiting for a hole in traffic
large enough for me to dart swiftly across
to the safety of the sidewalk
So, please, feel free to shoot pass me
when I drive too slow for you
because you have somewhere important to be
and take out your road rage
by blasting your horn
and cursing kids these days
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,509 Literary Works • 673,268 Reviews
I really like this poem. I love the language you have used because it is simple and is read as you would really say it. If you had put any similies or really conventional poetic language in it then it would have sounded strained and insincere. I might be a bit wierd but when I read it I felt as though you were very tired of repeating this which I liked because it made it seem like you were writing it down so that you could stop repeating yourself to frustrated drivers.
I also liked the wit you displayed in the second stanza:
"And I bet it is hard to believe
but yes, I am a sixteen year old,
and I drive 40 kilometers per hour
even when I am not in a school zone"
Because it was kind of like saying "Yeah I'm not a reckless idiot like other people my age, get over it."
I think this is a great poem so thanks for writing it. I hope those impatient drivers take note of it.
I think you need more imagery or figurative language, but I like the message behind this. Other than that, some typos I found:
"I, myself, don’t drink and drive or
have ever texted my friend back at a red light
if fact"
First of all, "have ever texted my friend" should just be "text my friend" to keep in the same text as the previous line. It'll make it read less awkwardly. Also, I think you meant "in fact," not "if fact."
"And i bet it is hard to believe"
Capitalize the "I." Also do so here:
"even when i am not in a school zone"
Like I said, though, I like the message. I just think you need more imagery or figurative language to make this truly poetic. Right now it could just read as a blog or a speech to the guy who's passing you when you're going the speed limit. (Which is maybe what inspired it?)
~Blue
Generally, I like it! keep writing, much potential. I like how you finished the poem - short and sweet.
for some reason I didn't exactly like the lines
From the beginning of the poem I thought you were a teenager, so it wasnt "hard to believe" in my eyes
This was rather a very non-poetry type of a poem. I caught up only after reading the second stanza. But, well, yes, it was amazingly thoughtful of you to write such meaningful piece. You can make it better. So, keep trying, OK?? And also good luck!!