Ashamed of the things that make me beautiful.
Proud of my biggest flaws.
Hurting my friends,
While I smile at my enemy.
Fantasizing about a girl
When my boyfriend kisses me.
Boasting about my accomplishments,
Wondering if you can tell I feel six inches tall.
I wear my mom jeans,
Still feeling like a slut.
Suppressing the urge to cry
At my sister’s birthday.
Fair is foul, and foul is fair.
What’s wrong?
I feel like I have my skin on backwards.
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Canary word: Present
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139,447 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
You couldn't have put it better! There seems to be one grammar error, though. I'm not sure if you meant it to be that way, but "mom jeans" might really be "mom's jeans", but it doesn't have to be. I liked the lineation and starting most lines with a verb. The wording was good, I can see that you have personal style, which is wonderful and especially good in free verse, anchoring the poem to something solid. I think it is perfect as it is. I am usually highly critical of free verse -- it is often heavy, shapeless and listless, but this one has a shade of personality to it. I can make no further suggestions!
Such is life of all teenagers. The tone clearly shows the narrators ambivalence on her(?) true identity, something that every kid experiences. I'd like more imagery. When I write poetry I pick a random object(s) like food or clouds or heaven whatnot and use that as a medium to draw connections to the real world. For a poem that expresses a sort of confused and angry tone that seems to contradict itself I would choose something like clouds since they are amorphous and can form practically anything. But of course that is just me. I would normally say a rhyme scheme to give it some sort of swing but it's already very good and that's just if you want to sort of relish it out. Perhaps the thing that moved me the most was
Very good phrase in the poem. Good work.
Why howdy, I do believe I just reviewed another poem of yours! Well I definitely noticed some similarities between the two syntax-wise, but I like this one much, much better. It's still simple, but it retains a relateable series of emotions and it's something people can definitely understand personally. It almost felt like a string of thoughts to me, which I like in this case quite a lot. You didn't have to use complex words or rhyme schemes to make this emotional, and I like that.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Wow! I didn't really know what to think while I was reading this, but it's really good! I really loved the last bit though,
It is so pretty and makes you think!
I really can't review this because I didn't see anything needing to be fixed! Good job!
Keep writing,
chezka