Hello, love! Aurora here with a quick review day review for you!
Let's get down to business then, shall we?
Love the imagery here, by the way. It's beautiful. I also really enjoyed reading the poem with it. I think everyone can empathize with it on some level, and that makes it a great subject.
Nitpicks:
And that's when it all started. The Blood. The Rage. The Lies.
I think you can make each of the sentences a separate line in the poem to build more towards your climax. After all, you have a very dramatic poem here- the ore anxiousness the reader feels, the better.
You also start off with a sort of rhyme scheme here, in the very first verse:
This isn't a poem.
It's not just something I wrote.
It'll knock you out cold,
And grab you by the throat.
Between wrote and throat, it rhymes. However, nearly none of your other verses are anything close to rhyming. I'm not sure if you did this on purpose or not, but if you did, I'd change it not to rhyme, since you have a sort of free-verse type thing going on here, and I think it emphasizes your topic more if it has no order to it- more chaotic- and it makes more chaotic emotions stronger the less structure you have .
After all, the drug was her.
I'd also make this a verse by itself. It's a statement from the narrator to his/her audience, and a very strong statement at that. It also would read better if you made it separate.
Great work love . That's the end of my nitpicks.
Your imagery is amazing. I wanted more description of the nightmares, though. Maybe dedicate a couplet to each of them? Or if not a couplet, just more than one line- how much ever you can describe .
Keep writing, love.
~Aurora
Points: 3486
Reviews: 212
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