Slam. My body hits the sodden field
Where a thousand champions have fallen before.
My body is black and blue, and then my vision is red.
Rising through a mass of bodies, I find the strength to stand.
*
If only she were here. Supporting me.
She always has, whether I needed it or not,
And all I can do in return is fall?
*
The fallen will always rise,
And the risen will always fall.
But if you just open your eyes
There’s nothing between them at all.
*
Just pass one more ball.
Just make one more tackle.
Don’t fight for yourself.
You can only get yourself so far.
Fight for your friends, family,
Fight for those closest to you.
And I promise you will never fall.
Because they won’t fail to catch you.
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140,752 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
Hi, Kams here
this poem over all is pretty amazing!
Wow. Those last four lines are just absolutely perfect
"My body is black and blue, and then my vision is red."
I think it should be 'My body is black, my vision is red."
Other than that I really like it!
Keep writing
-Kamryn-
Hello, Rhia here to review!
Suggestions first)
I suggest cutting out the bolded part. It would flow a little smoother without it, but it would still function well as a sentence.
The meaning of it is very unclear. I have no clue what it refers to. You should make it a little more obvious.
Hai Wey, Laure here once again to review this wonderful poem of yours. Seriously, all your poems are so great and relatable how am I suppose to critic them. I guess I can relate more to them, because I've actually experienced some of these things. And the feelings in there are very very authentic.
These four lines are absolutely beautiful, family is all you have because family is the only place where you know you have someone waiting for you, someone who loves you for who you are. (Most of the time anyways.) But I just love how realistic and touching this all is, and positive and uplifting. Is so great to see a change in atmosphere compared to the depressing things I read most days in the Green Room. Oh gods, I need to stop goshing about your poem and actually offer you some constructive opinion.
Alright, I found a few places where the flow was a tag awkward.
Heap, I don't know, that word kinda cheapens your poem a bit. I mean the rest of your word choices are all really good, but heap just sounds not as crisp. Maybe try, 'a myriad of bodies?'
Hm, I was a bit confused by this. What is it? Is it the gap between the fallen and the risen? If so, why is there nothing? I think you can expand this.
Besides those, your poem is amazing. I just love the message you're trying to convey through this, keep it up!
-Laure
Thanks so much for this review, your comments really brighten up my day
I cracked this out in about 2 minutes in the early hours of the morning, so some of it won't make sense! I agree with the word 'heap' being changed, but i'm not sure myriad really conveys the kind of struggle i'm trying to portray, I think i'll have to get the dictionary out >.< i'll definitely edit this, thank you for the kind words 
Two minute poem! I have one of those too. The dictionary probably is a good idea, I just though of that word on the spot. Actually, I think a thesaurus might help you better if you're looking for a synonym.
Yeah I meant thesaurus >.< yeah, well once i have an idea for a poem, I can't really stop writing until I finish it, and the ideas for this one kinda came flooding out :')
Know that feeling way too well. xD