Insanity

Hey, Wey!
Let us begin.

First off i would like to say, your vocabulary is divine. This poem is very unique, but not too captivating. It certainly is interesting, but I found myself skimming through some parts.

The beginning "Insanity runs through my tattered veins,

Pumping through blackened, diseased blood." Is creative and creates an image very well. The thing that gets me is that if the veins are tattered, how can blood get through? It doesn't really matter too much but I just get annoyed by things that are impossible.
The next part "It transforms me into a short-tempered beast

With a passion for destroying anything good." Is very intriguing except for the fact that you used the word 'good'. It completely demolishes the effect.

"I roam the hallways of my mind

In a weak comatose nightmare.

Hoping for the best on my return

To that godforsaken hole I call home." This confused my amateur mind. Is the home in your head? Is it real? Did you make it up or is it memories? Or have you been having nightmares about it?

"I walk through the broken corridors

Of a house that will never be my home." This is perfect, I wouldn't change a thing.

"Looking through broken friendships

At personalities that chill me to the bone." This is worded a little awkwardly, but I'm not too familiar with the 'rules' of poetry.

"Shadows dance in the corner of my eye,

Taunting me as hurtful days go by

And slowly erode at my fading soul.

I need someone to make me whole." This would be so so SOOO Perfect... If you changed the last line. It looks like you just shoved it in there and since it is the closure it just ruined it. Those 3 lines would be fine by themselves but if you really wanted a 4th line you should have tied it back to insanity. You're rhyming is inconsistent but I think it's fine.


Thank you for reading and please excuse typos
I do my best to help so please no hate.

thats really good !!! Love the word choices you made!! Keep up the good work

Hey Weymouth!

Diction-wise, I like the route of these haunting words, they're vivid too which makes it all that much more enjoyable.

Immediately in Line 1, tattered isn't the kind of word choice that I associate with veins --it's more something that I might associate with clothing, I might even say "interesting word choice! if it were associated with skin or something, like a tattered skin zombie man xD but with veins, all I'm thinking is how the heck is this speaker even alive right now, they must be bleeding everywhere! Maybe 'stringy' or 'sinewy' veins? blecght.

Other than that, I think that's about it for technicalities from me! Now, content-wise, I love how you're building an atmosphere and a scene, it's great. It's horror-esque, and it's dramatic. I kind of wish for more insight from the speaker as we get to the ending. It seems like this poem sort of dances or skims along the heart of the matter, which keeps me from connecting to it.

So I'll try to illustrate what I mean:

We get the roaming in the hallways, the idea that this is a broken, shabby looking house and the speaker is alone in this and we're hooked by this line:

Looking through broken friendships
at personalities that chill me to the bone.

Hi!
To start off, you don’t really need those lines in between your stanzas unless you really want them there. I do have to say, though, that I love your opening line. Insanity is more of a mind-related notion and the different way you conveyed it in the first line is pretty unique and interesting. The images you create in the first stanza are actually really spectacular, but your rhyme scheme is off. I’m not sure if you were trying to rhyme “blood” with “good” but that’s too big of a stretch and if you weren’t, I think the poem would benefit from some rhyme like that.
I like the concreteness of the second stanza because you can really see where the speaker of the poem is. The language is great, especially “comatose” and “godforsaken.”
For the third stanza, I did have a problem with the repeated use of the word “home” simply because it doesn’t feel like anything new from the first time you used it in the last line of the second stanza. Usually with repetition in poetry, the repeated phrase or word often has a new meaning every time it is used and here it doesn’t change much. Although I do like the phrasing of the last two lines “Looking through broken friendships/At personalities that chill me to the bone.” And here is an example where you repeat “broken” as the first line has “broken corridors” but it does have a new meaning but still has a strong connection.
I love that the last stanza had a rhyme scheme. It can almost be broken into two couplets from how nicely it is made, but I think you should keep it as a one stanza quatrain. I did have a problem with the last line, “I need someone to make me whole.” Simply because the speaker in this poem doesn’t seem like they are missing anything. If anything, they have an excess of being that I would suggest changing this line to something more like, ‘I need someone to take off this load’ or something similar to that. The speaker seems like a whole person, basically, with so much going on they just need someone to take some of it away to get some clarity in their life.
Overall, this is a great poem and I love your writing style. With some work, this poem could really be something remarkable.
Keep writing
Dianne E.C.E.