That place you dreamt for me

I love it well done! Is this talking about a former you? A you that you want to forget or get over a darker virson of what you are? That's what it kind of sounds like. It seems to be almost darkly poetic.

Hey Weymouth

This was so wonderful. So completely wonderful. Gosh.

Wow, okay. Getting myself together. I know it sucks, but I'll have to start with a few nitpicky things. There were a few minor punctuation fixes that I think could increase the powerfulness of your poem (if that's even possible). Here we go:

The last line in the first stanza. Instead of "while still detained in the complex of shadows", you could do "while still detained in the most complex of shadows", or even "while still detained in the complexity of the shadows". Or something like that; otherwise, the perfection of that first section is surreal and frankly not human. That's a good thing.

A few quick fixes in the next two stanzas: "your face, your eyes, your heart is in me, implanted." and instead of "careering", I think you meant "careening". Other than that, I don't think there's anything for me to suggest for you to fix.

When I said what I said about the first part being the perfect beginning, I meant it. You told your reader to interpret the meaning of your poem. I have no idea if this is a sensitive subject for you personally; if you have actually experienced what you wrote. But I have to say that the description and vocabulary, and most of all the emotion that you incorporated into this is unreal.

To me, this entire poem was the story of a person who was trying to let go. Who was trying to free themselves from the one they had once believed that had loved them, who had left their life in ruins. So the narrator takes a journey through the memories. At the beginning, they feel relief and freedom, but they are still attached at the soul, at the heart to the person that had left them. They want things to return to when they had still been together, but they are afraid. So afraid of this other person. In fact, they are terrified, horrified by their beauty.

"There's a willow in the back garden that reminds me of you." This is my favorite part of the poem, because it's not only a metaphor the narrator uses to explain what he feels, but it's a symbol of the person he had once loved. This too is part of letting go, and he knows that those drooping arms don't seek the embrace nearly as much as his own, and that he would only be destroyed by his desire. Yet he punishes himself for losing grip on love, because he can't bring himself to blame the one person who's heart was still hanging inside of him.

Finally, the narrator realizes that the other person had only brought him pain, and that needing him or her had only made him weak. This is when he lets go.

I don't know if what I described was your intention upon writing the poem, and sorry for the length of this review, but this was truly unbelievable. Thanks so much for writing.

Yours,
Savvy

Fruit4you here to review!

Very good poem, but a few issues here and there, nothing major. So for one, since most of your stanzas are four lines, I'd separate all of your stanzas to be four lines. "Careering" I think you meant "careening". Haha we all have typos. "There’s a willow in my back garden that reminds me of you." I really like this line, but it doesn't quite fit with how you've written your other lines. Your other lines seem more fluid and lucid. This seems more stout and to the point. But I love the stanza that goes with the line. Also the last stanza is like the line I just told you about. Some people may like a very ambiguous beginning with a very hard point at the end, but I prefer consistency. I like the ambiguity of the beginning of your poem. All in all well done. Great poem.

Keep writing, Fruit4you