Losing You

"When I can't even find the difference between dreams and reality?"

I love this line. I just love it as it is and all that it represents. People seem to really enjoy the idea of the other person more than the other person sometimes. Sometimes it even gets to the point where the two cannot be distinguished easily.

"...or drown myself in a sea of fake friends
Just to stop myself from weeping."

I also love this. Sometimes at times like those, people just feel desperate. They feel lonely. They need someone. Anyone.


The nightmares say what needs to be said about us.

I’m a lost interest to you, a “weak one” that has always been second-best

To a string of taller, stronger men who know how to stand tall by themselves.

It’s no wonder they stand tall kissing you while I lie on the floor missing you.


I didn't know if this part was supposed to represent conflicting emotions, or if it was just confusing. It talks about losing interest, but then missing them? Is that like, part of you feels one way, but you also feel another way, or did it just not come across correctly? Also, the fluency in this stanza is a bit questionable.

I adored the rest of the poem. I really think that if you are to make any changes, then that stanza is the only one that needs work, in my opinion. Well done!

Hey there, Weymouth. This was a heavy one. I wasn't prepared for that at all...wow. Either way, here's a review for you on this fine Thursday morning!

*clears throat* *bitest sandwich* *begins*

The first thing I'd like to do is talk about some of the things that you've done very well here. Then we'll get to the constructive criticisms later in the review.

So, good stuff here! I love the way you've channeled a lot of different emotions into this one (regret, shame, heartache, and maybe even grief to some extent over the lost relationship or not-relationship lol) Your descriptions, metaphors, and imagery are perfect and all work wonders towards conveying all of those different feelings to the audience. Equally effective in demonstrating the lost/confused/hurt state of the narrator was the way you played with the rhyme scheme. Earlier in the poem, before the speaker goes off on the tangent about the razor blades (ahh!), i notice that the rhyme scheme is more relaxed, balanced, and even-keeled. As the poem progresses, however, it starts to become a little bit more disjointed and you throw in some caesura and some discordant images like the "blood seeping through the shirt" to mirror the gradual loss of stability within your narrator. By the end of the poem, the rhyme scheme has gone back to where it was at the beginning, but it isn't quite as even and the images described in the last stanza are incredibly morose compared to the images in the first stanza. It literally goes from an image of the narrator swimming (or trying to stay afloat) with a life ring to an image of them him actually "drowning in a sea of fake friends" and the rest of his pains and sorrow. This poem also has incredible dramatic elements, such as the aggressive diction, which help to express the sense of hot-blooded frustration with the girl and mild self-hatred the narrator is feeling. Very good job there.

As I look back through this one, I can't really find any spelling or punctuation errors, so you were solid on that. The only thing that I'd suggest here that could make this thing better would be to expand on the images about what the relationship was like previously. For instance, I was left wanting a little bit more information on what exactly the dynamic was between the speaker and the girl he's s pissed off at. I feel like another stanza after the second one and before the third with maybe some images of a happy time that the two once had would help the reader get some insight on what it was like before and would also help to further emphasize the devastation he feels in the final two stanzas.

Overall, this was a very, very dramatic poem and a pretty good read. Nice job! I hope this review was helpful for you and remember, Never Stop Writing, buddy!