Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
A little dark and odd in places, but it's about something that happened recently related to my recent acceptance of my addiction to smoking.
That beautiful sky clouds my heart.
It mocks me, a constant reminder
Of the shame of ever taking part
In such a vile, disgusting tradition.
The amber ashes fall around me
as embers are snuffed out,
While I sit against this tree
Listening to the immaculate silence of my past.
Suddenly, rage engulfs me.
I grip the cigarette tighter
And stab the fiery tube onto my arm.
The pain is temporary, but the scar is a trophy
Of how fucked up that 'sweet little boy' has become.
Cigarettes are evil.
They're a puff of death,
A hint of cancer,
A sprinkle of tar
And a vision of hell.
Cigarettes have taught me how to breathe.
So suck it all in.
Take a deep breath,
And soon you won't care
That it tastes like death.
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138,393 Literary Works • 672,114 Reviews
This is absolutely amazing:0
This is a very interesting poem. To be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect when I clicked the link to take me here to read it.
I've never smoked, hate cigarettes, but I do feel that this does a very good job in describing what it must be like for someone that's addicted. Especially the part where you say 'they're a puff of death'. That said, I can almost feel like I can place myself in the shoes of a smoker.
Keep up the good work. I'll be sure to take a look at some of your other works, and keep an eye out for future ones.
I smoke and I know how something like this can consume you. I used to smoke like maybe 5 a week and now I'll have 5 before lunch if everything goes my way. It is actually a horrible habit and to see it put into words like this is strange but great because it doesn't make smoking seem like something fun. Smoking is addicting, which means that even when you want to quit, you can't. I don't think many people understand that so I'm so glad you're trying to get them to.
Hope you're able to quit though if this is actually about you.
Hey there! First of, love this
the depth of this poem is amazing! I have very little to say 
I'm looking forward to reading more of your poetry 
"Cigarettes are evil.
They're a puff of death,
A hint of cancer,
A sprinkle of tar
A vision of hell."
There's no comma after "tar" and I feel like this stanza is different then the rest and could be a poem alone. It just interrupted the flow.
I liked this otherwise
Hey, Weymouth! Asteria here with a review.
Let me just begin by saying that what you've written, the depth that this poem goes, is one I wasn't initially prepared for. What I anticipated from your note, as well as the title, led my expectations in an entirely different direction; Needless to say, when I read your piece in its entirety, I was pleasantly surprised. It was a sad poem to read, one that had me feeling a taste of what you felt when you needed to get this out.
That said, I feel this piece of you is hard to critique. How does one who's not yet experienced this write a review telling what could be improved upon or fixed?
I don't see anything I truly feel needs changing, or revision. What I see is pain, a pain that's acknowledged and has a deep hold on you.
My absolute favorite portion of this poem (as odd as it sounds to speak so highly of this subject matter) would have to be the following:
The imagery it evoked along with its thought-provoking flow...it stuck with me, and will continue to stick with me long after this review is over.
This is brilliantly done. I hope to read more from you, and hope that this addiction takes a turn for the brighter (if it's not too bold to say).
Hello, Chips here with a review!
It's good to see that cigarettes are not in your life anymore so congratulations on that. You've expressed it well in your poem too. It was well written and I liked how each stanza was almost like a stage of life, yet it was still coherent with everything else in your poem. I don't have many critiques for it maybe just some nitpicks and favorite parts and interpretations.
"That beautiful sky clouds my heart.
It mocks me, a constant reminder
Of the shame of ever taking part
In such a vile, disgusting tradition."
I love the imagery here in reference to the sky, how clouds can look like smoke that was a great reference especially as an opening sentence, it certainly made me read on. The tone and connotations of resentment is also successfully highlighted here, interesting word choices.
"The amber ashes fall around me
as embers are snuffed out,
While I sit against this tree
Listening to the immaculate silence of my past."
I liked the colors and serenity brought here, also the sense of reflection and reminisce.
"Cigarettes have taught me how to breathe."
This sentence was very powerful, I think you should have put it at the ending.
Overall nice piece, I look forward to reading more of your works. Keep writing!
--Chips
Hello, Weymouth.
Kanome here with a review for you.
Wow... I am sorry that this is happening right now.
I personally don't smoke, but I know how it feels.
Being addicting to something so vile but you just can't stop.
Other than that, this is a really good piece.
It's real, it's based on real events.
It's makes the poem interesting.
I don't see any grammar or content errors in this piece.
So my only suggestion to you is...
To keep up the great work. I can't wait to read more of your writings c: