I’m not a clever person.
I’m not a shining light.
I don’t sleep, I don’t eat,
And I see shadows in the night.
_______________________
I’m not a harmless person.
I cause a great amount of pain.
But no matter how much I try to hurt,
You’re stuck inside my brain.
_______________________
I’m not a happy person.
I’m blue as blue can be.
I don’t have the strength to speak the truth,
And someday I hope to be free.
_______________________
I’m not a perfect person.
But I’ll help you on the mend.
I’ll wrap my arms around you tight,
And stay with you till the end.
_______________________
I don’t quite know who I am.
I don’t have the latest trend.
I can’t be your saviour or your lover,
But I’ll gladly be your friend.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hello! Dogsrule5 here to review! :3
Okay so first of all I thought this was really good, beautiful and poetic. I really didn't see any mistakes, either.
I like how you rhymed, with it. The rhyming scheme was good, I didn't find any major mistakes, nitpicks, or even tiny nitpicks, or mistakes.
I hope you keep up the the awesome writing.
Love,
Dogsrule5.
P.S. Sorry this is a really short review, but there are really no mistakes, to point out, so there is really nothing to say. But still sorry about that. (Also it is kind of a good thing there are no mistakes, to point out, because even though all good writers make mistakes sometimes, making no mistakes in just one piece of work really means you are learning and working hard to make you writing good.) Keep up the good work! XD!
Howdy!! Your poem has an amazing poetic structure to it, I especially enjoyed the rhyming and imagery and the slight repetition of the first line on each stanza. It gives a sort of back-bone if you will to the poem. Then all the descriptions and imagination just sort of branch of. However, on a lesser note, I believe others have picked up on this. Of what I can see, is that there is no true meaning expressed throughout the poem. The words are exceptional, but what are the ideas behind them??
Hello, I am Faithless and I am here to review!
Firstly, well done, I really like this poem and I'm not usually all that interested in poetry, so be proud of yourself for moving me enough to review!
I've always been a sucker for a rhyming poem written with the correct rhythms, it bugs me when people just throw in a whole load of words, make sure the last ones of each line rhyme with each other without thinking about how it sounds, rhythm wise, when you're reading it.
I think the reason I like this poem is that I find I can relate to it. That's also something I try and avoid saying regarding poetry. The reason I don't like reviewing, or even reading, poems is because I feel like a poem is such a personal thing and that I'm intruding on that and when people make corrections on other writers poetry I must admit, it irritates me a little bit. Not grammatical or spelling errors, but picking out certain lines and saying they're not emotive enough or don't make sense. How can you know? Is it really your place to say? To the person you penned that poem that line might be the most meaningful and best one in there. Everybody sees and interprets things differently, which is why I find reviewing poetry tricky. But I think, for the first time in a while, I properly understand what you're trying to portray here. So I don't mind giving you my thoughts, I don't think I'll offend you all that much!
I'm going to pick out the lines that really made this poem for me, firstly, I really liked, "I'll wrap my arms around you tight, and stay with you till the end." It's bringing in a more physical aspect to the writing, which I always enjoy and it's so beautifully simple but very moving nonetheless. The theme, not quite knowing who you are, is something I think a lot of teenagers can relate to but I really did feel you hit the nail on the head with the way you worded things, and your descriptions.
My favourite bit were the concluding lines, "I can't be your saviour or your lover, But I'll gladly be you friend." I find it almost sad but I love it anyway. That's all I'm going to say. I love it. End of.
You're extremely talented and I sincerely hope you keep writing!
Faithless
Wow!its very nice! Just wanted to know what exactly are you concluding on this poem?
Dont get me wrong...The words are well phrased and well written, just needed a clarification thats all!
Have a nice day!
keep writing!
Wow!its very nice! Just wanted to know what exactly are you concluding on this poem?
Dont get me wrong...The words are well phrased and well written, just needed a clarification thats all!
Have a nice day!
keep writing!
Laure here for a review! Once again, your late midnight poetry is astounding sweet and wonderful. Though you really shouldn't be up so late! So, I will pick out the technical things and then give you an overall impression on the poem.
Are you trying to hurt yourself, or are you trying to hurt this person? I was a bit confused here.Do try to avoid cliché lines, I think you can come up with something more creative than blue as blue can be. Using cliché, not only makes your poem seemed plain and ordinary. It also (in my opinion) doesn't describe that certain feeling very well. Blue? There's a lot of degrees of sadness. Sorrow, melancholy, regret -> blue isn't very accurate. Also, I've read your post poems I believe you can be more creative than that.
These two lines are so relatable, and so true too. So kudos there.
See the bolded part? That reads somewhat choppy to me, I think if you switched it around to -> might flow a bit better.
Awwwwwwwwwww...that ending is so beautiful and sweet.
Overall impression: So, this poem wasn't exactly fancy or anything, in fact is just a very plain yet sweet poem of someone whom isn't exactly sure of who they are but they still want to do all they can to be there for someone else. Which really, is a great topic to write about. I love the fact, you kept it short and I loved the fact you incorporate the flaws and uncertainty felt by the MC. Yet this was countered by the last two stanzas when the MC extends his help and we get hope again. So, there aren't many things I can say in terms of grammar or spelling. This is a very sweet poem, keep at it! (Though do try and sleep...)
~Laure